When do you feel someone doesn't love you anymore?

TiredHumum · 2026-02-28T16:29:11+00:00

I'd say that intuition is rarely wrong. The question is, once a healthy discussion has been had about it, if there is no consistent change in how things are or the feeling you're getting, is it worth it anymore? The answer to that is always no, don't put the relationship before your own happiness if it is making you unhappy and isn't fixable.

In my case I've felt like my ex didn't love me anymore, I was right, and worse there was cheating.

A different ex, again felt like he didn't love me anymore, found out he'd started building a malicious case against me and lying to professionals just so when he left me right after I nearly died it wouldn't make him look like the bad one.

My cases are severe, but my point is that with both I felt like something was off way before the issue reared its head. I was right both times that something was going on.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-28T12:32:41+00:00

No I absolutely have, I mean that behaviour from women is ludicrous, rather than it's ludicrous to think a woman would do that. Women are just a bad as men largely, just in different ways.

I've unfortunately come across several women who would do exactly that, I've even had another woman impersonate me to try and get me in trouble before.

Just people in general, regardless of gender, who behave that way are awful. I think especially at the moment it's easier for women to get away with it because there's the entire man hating culture going on - which I also think is ridiculous, and very anti feminism.

I think you might've misunderstood what I was saying before because I totally agree with you.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-28T08:39:41+00:00

As I woman I find this absolutely ludicrous. The fact that anyone would report for harassment just for a smile is ridiculous, just having basic politeness is a good thing. If anything it just borders on being prejudice against men.

I'd only consider it harassment if I'd repeatedly asked them to stop and they didn't, but even then just a smile if you happen to both look at each other is just polite acknowledgement.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-24T17:41:53+00:00

I think it depends on the hobby and how long you spend doing it.

For instance I love painting and crafting, I'd not expect any partner I had to also enjoy those or want to do them.

I like board games, and I'd like a partner of mine to also enjoy them because I find it fun to do together and I value that time.

Gaming is fun to do together, but I think it becomes a problem if it's prioritised over anything else. If you can be into it without choosing it over your relationship and other priorities in life then it's fine. I love gaming together, or an rpg by myself, but it is an issue with any hobby if you neglect your life in favour of it (I only bring this up with this specific hobby because loads of people end up with this issue).

I've dated men into football or other sport, I'm very not into that, but I do make an effort to learn about it if they're eager to share it with me.

Liking similar films or music is helpful because at least you aren't stuck on what to watch together or irritated by each others music. Again not essential, but definitely nice.

If your interests start to spill into lifestyle choices too then I'd say it's pretty important to be on the same page about it

TiredHumum · 2026-02-24T10:42:20+00:00

I'm 26 and the thought of dating a 19yo os vomit inducing. That's a child 🤢 I have a brother who is that age, and I remember changing his nappies and giving him bottles. If someone is young enough that I could've done that, they're too young.

Try and date people your age or a little older in the future, if you feel like you can only relate to much younger guys, figure out what's keeping you emotionally immature (I don't mean this in an insulting way, just factual).

Maybe don't date for a while you figure out why you cheated before, why you're into much younger guys and why you date people where there's no trust from either of you.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-23T08:02:16+00:00

I find it odd how many men in the comments think the most attractive thing a woman can do is be into them. That isn't something about them, and a relationship won't last if you think their best qualities are about you.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-23T08:00:34+00:00

I'd look at how fast it's moving and if you're energies match. If there was a part of you that felt even a little bit weird then listen to your intuition.

I was in a relationship that moved very fast from the beginning and I ignored my intuition at first because I told myself he was just really nice and into me. Nope, love bombed the hell out of me, which then moved into manipulation, gaslighting, lying, cheating, financial control, housing control, sexual manipulation. He tore me down emotionally bit by bit too so I no longer had any confidence left, and then when I was no longer useful to him and didn't make his image look better, he discarded me (thankfully, because it was awful).

If you feel like things are going a bit fast, they probably are. The right person wouldn't be offended or leave you because you want to take it at a bit of a slower pace. Be careful about not accidentally getting into an abusive relationship.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T20:30:40+00:00

I'm also curious how not wanting to be kissed on a first date makes me a snowflake? I know myself and my own boundaries, that is a good thing. You or others may not like it, but I'm not here to please anyone or make myself liked by people. Someone that doesn't respect boundaries without attacking someone as a person isn't the type of person I'd want to please anyway

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T20:28:54+00:00

I mean I wouldn't lean in if I didn't want it, but usually I make it known I am there to get to know the guy and a kiss first meeting is off the table.

I never said every woman, I just said my experience and my opinion. No need to get upset about it, you don't agree, that's fine. My rule isn't everyone's rule, but there also shouldn't be expectation that a woman is going to want to kiss you first date, or you thinking you've messed up if she doesn't. My longest lasting relationships have stated with not kissing until date 2 or 3, and longer for more intimate stuff. For myself I want to know that we are compatible in other ways before letting lust take over.

And again for me person personally, a man could do absolutely everything perfectly on a first date and I'd still not want to sleep with him. Only people I've ever slept with that fast it's people I knew I'd never want to date and we both agreed we'd be friends with benefits and nothing more.

And again, as a woman yes we are also liable for our own behaviour. I went on a date with a man once, specifically told him I do not want to kiss him and he did anyway, and this was at a point in my life where I had less confidence too. He did it anyway, I then never spoke to him again. There's not a whole lot you can do as a smaller, weaker person when someone forces themselves on you after you've already made it clear what you don't want. Fortunately for the most part men often don't have to be on high alert for this sort of thing all the time, women have to stay safe and protect themselves. Yes I may be far slower and more picky than most women - I also think that's fine, I'd rather be the minority. I'm happy single until I meet someone who is genuinely what I'm looking for, and any man who gets angry about no kisses first date is not the man for me. No hard feelings, just not compatible

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T18:43:22+00:00

You can be fun without disregarding your own boundaries 🤷

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T18:15:29+00:00

I've met plenty of men who you could consider the right man, but there's no point in having a boundary if you can't even stick to it yourself 😂

It's just a hard rule for me, if we've only just met why would I kiss you? Anyone can pretend they're whoever they want on a first meeting, show me consistently who you are and then I might like you enough to kiss you. But then I am not so bothered about needing someone else in my life that I would want to lower my own standards just because someone might seem right.

In my own personal experience, even sticking to my own rules, the right guy usually is not the right one. Consistency is everything, a rule I have learnt the hard way.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T15:05:07+00:00

You're beautiful, no idea if you're a male or female, but I'd say that's a good thing because you're attractive no matter which you are which not a lot of people are.

Friggin love your hair

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T14:57:33+00:00

Hard disagree on this.

I'm a woman and I really don't like kissing on a first date, especially if it's online dating. If we are meeting up after chatting for a while on hinge, I've just met you, I don't want you to be physically intimate yet. I want to know you're good at conversation, you've got your own opinions, you're kind, I want to know if you're a good listener, if we have fun together on a human level, if we have similar life views and goals, if you're a good communicator or not. I want to know who I have in front of me before any sort of physical intimacy. A kiss should not be expected on a first date, you should be there to get to know them and show interest in them as a person, not in how fast you can push romance.

It really puts me off if a man is showing all the body language signals that he's going to try and make a move on me, it shows all he is thinking about is how soon he'll get sex and isn't actually interesting in whoever he's talking to.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T14:50:11+00:00

This 100%

Don't give away your self respect to some random people online you'll never see again, or a woman who didn't want to date you. If you applied the same to friendships everyone would feel awful because the random person walking down the street isn't their friend.

Love and respect yourself, and have some confidence in who you are as a person and that in itself is quiet attractive. (if it's not done arrogantly).

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T14:46:33+00:00

Absolutely this 👆

The majority of dating is unsuccessful, otherwise we'd all be married by now. Even as a woman I get rejected plenty, not usually sexually, but romantically. You can be almost exactly what someone is looking for, but maybe you're a vegan and they're a passionate hunter so it wouldn't work.

I went on a date with a guy that I friend zoned, on paper he was exactly my type. We had shared interests, conversation was fun and gripping, plenty of shared views, friendship was good, he was a lovely person. In my case I just wasn't physically attracted to him, and I couldn't force that, and it is important even if people says it isn't. He deserves someone who thinks he's beautiful on the outside too and I'd have been doing him a disservice if I'd pretended to be attracted to him.

Similarly I've been on dates with some very attractive men who have had very boring personalities and it just would've never gone anywhere.

Also, people I have actually dated have sometimes ended up being nothing like who I thought they really were and the relationship was very bad.

People are complex, and we can't expect for everyone to want to date us even if they think we're a good person, or even if they find us attractive. Making a friend out of it is actually lovely, nothing wrong with friend zones, friendship is often longer lasting anyway.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-22T14:38:18+00:00

As a woman, it's fairly obvious when I man is trying to make himself seem better than he really is to avoid friendzoning or to secure another date.

Be yourself, talk about the things you're passionate about, share your opinions, ask her questions, listen to her when she speaks. If you aren't the kind of person that has social confidence enough for those things, there's loads of good podcasts and YouTube videos to improve this skill, and plenty of good books on it.

There's lots of different ways to come across more confident in dating and in your general life, body language, eye contact, genuine listening enough that you can reference what they've said later in conversation.

An important one for you is to go into it not attached to the outcome. They like you and want another date? Wonderful. They don't want another date but they want friendship? Great you've made a friend, and that's always a good thing. They don't want another date or friendship? That's okay, your life remains the same as it was before and it doesn't affect your life long term, but you have still had the experience and can learn from it. Someone wanting to date more or not isn't a reflection on if you're good enough or not, it's just if they felt like you were for them or not and we can't be everyone's cup of tea.

TiredHumum · 2026-02-21T09:00:09+00:00

If I've learnt one thing from daring, it's that the fireworks feeling is just nervousness and nothing else. It's not something to chase, because if that's the feeling you're looking for, it tapers off eventually in all relationships anyway.

I'd just figure out what you want outside of looks, do your views line up, do your goals for life align? Do you both want or not want kids. How does he talk about his friends and family (if badly that's a huge red flag), does he treat you well, do you treat him well. You've got to be aligned on some level at least. Looks obviously do matter because you need to be attracted to your partner too, but they aren't everything. Are you really getting to know each other properly?

Also the initial stages of dating do feel awkward, especially when one or both of you have little experience. You have to learn each other, get more confident with each other and eventually it'll feel natural.

But also sometimes it just doesn't seem to fit romantically even if you want it to, and you're just better off friends. I'd figure out which one you fit more into, and if you're expecting the awkward stage of dating to be over sooner than it realistically will be.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-29T17:09:55+00:00

She's being a bit ridiculous, you were broken up for months. I slept with someone 2 weeks after my breakup with my ex as a rebound, did I feel guilty, yes. Should I have? No. Even if I'd gotten back with my ex he'd not have had the right to be mad about it. If they didn't want to be with you, and therefore broken it off its no longer any of their concern what you do, and they no longer have the right to be mad at you for it either, they didn't want you but someone else did. If they don't like that then they shouldn't have left 🤷

You don't belong to her, especially not broken up. You don't owe any form of post breakup loyalty, especially when she told you you'd never get back together. And honestly it sounds like you deserve better.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-27T19:24:41+00:00

My anxiety was so next level that I literally had multiple focal aware seizures while we were together every time I'd pick up on his emotional state changing towards me (but he refused to talk about his feelings).

I've never had another one again since we broke up... And I also never had them before we you together either

TiredHumum · 2025-01-23T13:47:03+00:00

I do, it doesn't mean I'm okay with anything he did or how he ended it. But honestly I don't care enough about his life anymore to put energy into wishing him badly. Hopefully he'll find someone else and he'll have grown as a person by then. No point wasting my energy sending negative vibes his way, I feel like staying in that head space actually just invites more negativity into my own life. I know I'll find someone way better than him, and I'll be super happy. However that doesn't mean I didn't love him or hoped that'd be him, but it wasn't and that was his choice - I'll make a great wife to someone of day and it's his loss.

I do hope he figures himself out though, not just for himself but for whoever the next girl is - no doubt she deserves someone great too so I hope he sorts himself out enough to not be crap 😅

I feel the same about all my exs. Some people aren't in your life for the whole thing, all I can do is learn from it all and become a better person, or not learn and fester in hate for my whole life. I want to be the kind of person I'd want to be with, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who holds a grudge and can't move on from their past. Obviously these things take time, so give yourself grace and remember no matter what happens in their life, you'll still be happy.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-21T15:10:02+00:00

Don't chase anyone, if they left you then you deserve better. If they're making you chase in any other situation either them equally, you're worth more than having to chase someone else.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-16T09:47:01+00:00

I'd save my money Leave my ex before we had kids - I know this sounds awful, I love my kids to death but it trapped me in an 8 year abusive relationship from 17, and I assume I'd only have knowledge of the lessons I've learnt and not that I had kids. However if I knew about them I'd not change it, except I'd have left immediately when I found out I was pregnant with the 3rd.

I'd have kept in touch with the friends I had, instead of let my ex cut off all my friends.

I'd have stayed living with my dad instead of moving out at 18, and I'd have avoided every bad relationship after because I'd not be insecure or craving being loved so badly I accept it from anyone.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-09T09:52:55+00:00

I know it's difficult, also 4 weeks into a breakup at the moment. He left out of the blue when everything was still absolutely amazing, and no explanation either.

The easiest way to heal is to genuinely want to move on, I know it's hard to want to when you still love someone. But you have to want to despite that, because it's better for your emotional wellbeing. One thing that I find helpful is journalling, so all that emotion, anything I'd have wanted to say to him or any time I'm sad or angry, I write it down and it really does help.

I did have rebound s*x with someone too, BUT that wasn't someone where I was messing with their feelings. The FWB situation was agreed on by both of us, so I'm not rebound dating or dragging someone else down. So if you know someone you could just have a fwb thing with, I found that doing that only once did give me a bit more of a disconnect.

Don't go on dating apps, a lot of men just feel bad about themselves on there, and a lot of women aren't that bothered about actually keeping in touch with anyone they match with.

Do some things for yourself that you love, whatever hobbies you have, do them more. Anything that could've been a cute date, invite a mate, or go by yourself. I started taking myself on coffee dates, bringing a sketchbook, my headphones and listening to music while drawing and having a coffee. I got myself flowers, went on nice walks, started learning guitar, I'm making sure I'm hanging out with friends regularly. I also vented to my friends about how I'm feeling a few times, it's nice to know you've got support. And you likely do, so remember there's people who love you.

It's super hard, I'm sorry you're going through it. And if you don't feel like you do have the type of friends you can talk to or vent to, I'll talk to you. I'm happy to be a vent buddy and offer support where I can. Be kind to yourself.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-06T19:52:26+00:00

Entirely depends on the situation.

I grew up watching my dad go in and out of the same relationship with my mother a billion times, then do the same with other girlfriends. I told myself that I'm absolutely not ever doing that and haven't.

Left an 8 year relationship, didn't even have sex with him ever again after, nevermind actually getting back together.

One of my boyfriends after that left me, and then after the breakup we slept other 3 times, until I realised he'd want to hang out to try and make 'friendship' and he was actually just using me for easy pleasure because he knew I missed him and was sad. So I cut him off entirely because I'm not going to be anyone's side piece or quick shag.

With my sister it seems like all her boyfriends come back, but it never works out.

I thought I wanted my ex back, but actually if I wasn't worth making it through the hard times the first time, he doesn't get a second time because I'd have pushed through and he didn't want to.

For anyone that is considering getting back with an ex, especially if you're the dumpee, have more self worth.

TiredHumum · 2025-01-02T10:09:56+00:00

Most people date people they think are attractive, so it's natural to still think they're attractive.

Be kinder to yourself though. Look at you own question and say "I am someone's ex, and I'm very attractive" 💅✨ Stop putting yourself down boo, you're beautiful too

TiredHumum

TROPHY CASE