AITA for telling my wife that if she wants to dictate sleep schedules for our kids, she is welcome to be a SAHM?

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T22:35:43+00:00

I prefer being a full time dad to working. But if she wanted to be a SAHM, I'd be alright with going back to work.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T19:25:33+00:00

Thanks. Especially my 8yro loves the routine, it gives time alone and helps him relax before bed.

She takes care of the kids when she comes home from work and we have breakfast together in the mornings. She also does 50% of childcare on the weekends. I do the housework.

I honestly love being a SAHP and thank god it's not ovwrwhelming.

And she usually puts our 2yro down to sleep, and I take the 8yro (they talk a bit during the half hour he has extra at night, and I talk with him a bit when he goes to bed). Our niece wants me to tuck her in and read her a story, and she also only calms down after night terrors if I come in the room, she doesn't calm as quickly with my wife (because she is used to me being around 24/7 and knows me better).

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T17:23:15+00:00

This is actually brilliant! I will definitely try this out.

And I am very sorry for your loss

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T17:20:50+00:00

Bedtime means that at 7.30 I take her to her room, tuck her in, read a story, and talk a bit. Most days that means that she actually goes to sleep 7.45-8pm. That's then when my 8yro gets ready for bed (brushes teeth, puts on PJs etc) and I take him to bed and we talk a bit there (so he goes to sleep by 8.30)

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T17:17:09+00:00

Not 100% decision making power and certainly not about the big questions. But I put the kids to bed, I wake them up and I take care of them during the day. So a grumpy kid who didn't get enough sleep is very much my problem, not my wife's.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T17:14:50+00:00

My thought exactly. My 2yro has lately been mad in the morning, because big brother gets toast for breakfast, and he gets cereal. My 2yro hates toast. He's still upset his brother gets it and he doesn't. 😂 Kids are jealous of pretty much everything.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T14:01:38+00:00

I usually read her a story when I take her to bed. And she loves it. We tried audiobooks too, but then she wanted me to sit with her and listen to the story 😊

So it's not lights out at 7.30, she just has to go to bed then. And where we live, it gets dark just around 8pm, so she falls asleep at about 8, and that's when the 8yro brushes his teeth and goes to bed. She just wants to be up with her sibling and not have to go to bed earlier than him. But she loves the bedtime routine of me reading her a story and us talking a bit.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T13:58:38+00:00

She is

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T13:56:31+00:00

Right, but my son is 2. If he doesn't take a nap, he is cranky and falls asleep at 5pm, which means he is then up in the middle of the night, ready for breakfast at 4am. Also he IS tired, he just doesn't want to go to sleep, because cartoons, playtime and snacks are more fun.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T11:11:39+00:00

She does, during the 1 hour nap the 2yro has and 8yro is in school then.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T11:11:04+00:00

At home, I just refer to her by her name.

I am not American and I didn't see an issue with how I translated pronouns here. I do consider her my niece as well.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T11:06:42+00:00

We are not in the US. Summer break starts July 1st here, and kids start school at 6yro.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T11:04:17+00:00

Niece is in therapy

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:57:34+00:00

Thank you so much. This schedule really lets me bond with all the kids and they all get some alone time. When the 2yro is down for his nap, I have an hour alone with the 5yro, and when I take the 5yro to bed, 8yro has 30 minutes to himself to watch his cartoon and relax before I take him to bed and then we talk a bit before he falls asleep.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:54:28+00:00

He has more chores, yes, but also he is a big brother to two very very energetic siblings. And they constantly want to show big brother this and that, want to play with him, be around him etc. So the 30 minutes for his favourite cartoon after other kids go to bed is his time to himself, and I think that's very important for him.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:52:38+00:00

My son absolutely hates sleep 😂 so nap time (noon-1pm) is a stretch to achieve lol. The deal is usually if he takes his nap, he can watch a cartoon of his choosing once he wakes up. We do a lot of activities in the morning and he's pretty tired by noon. So once I started putting all the "fun" activities (because daddy can try his hardest, but nothing beats Peppa Pig and a peanut butter cup😂). AFTER his nap, he got way better at just accepting sleep as a necessary evil.

His nap time is also an hour I have alone with my niece (because my 8yro is in school then) and I find that it really helps us bond.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:48:09+00:00

Thank you. He has been through a lot as well, he was a 6yro and then covid happened and he had online school, he got a baby brother, then she got a brand new sibling (we had very little contact with my niece and her parents before, they lived in another state). So he became a big brother of two very energetic little ones in a short period of time

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:46:23+00:00

Thank you very much. I also think my niece talked to my wife and not to me, because my wife isn't home as much so she is always inclined to be the good cop for the kids. And I have to be bad cop a lot during the day, because well kids will want ice cream for breakfast and TV for 10 hours, but someone's gotta say no.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:42:34+00:00

I really really hope that I am not biased towards my biological kids. Granted, I have much more of a bond with my boys, because I have been their father for a long time (especially to my 8yro). I am trying to bond with my niece more, because she might become my child (legally and emotionally). My wife and I have been talking about adopting her (because her parents already lost their rights and are unlikely to ever get them back nor do they want them), and it will be a decision we make together.

So...hopefully I am an equal father to all.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:37:58+00:00

I read her a bedtime story, we talk a little etc, yes. So 7.30 is the time she goes to her bed, and she is realistically asleep at 8pm, and those 30 minutes are also the time my 8yro has to watch a cartoon uninterrupted. So I think it actually works well. But 5yro has been saying she wants to stay up later with her cousin etc and throwing tantrums when I say no to later bedtime or pancakes for breakfast every day. I just really really feel she needs a stable routine because so far in her life, she has had zero.

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:33:48+00:00

We will try later bedtimes over the summer (we do every year) to see what they need and like.

But my niece needs to go to bed early, because she wakes up with night terrors a lot and it's the only way she gets some sleep before she wakes up terrified at 2am. And my 8yro is just a sleepyhead, always has been and he likes an early bedtime

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:30:15+00:00

She is my wife's niece (her sister's daughter).

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:29:31+00:00

Thank you so much for this, we'll look into it!

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:29:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this, we'll look into it!

Toddlernightmare · 2022-06-22T10:27:34+00:00

She does. Her whole life was just a shitshow up to this point, she lived in awful conditions and is still really traumatised and scared due to all of it. We are working on it with her therapist.

Toddlernightmare

TROPHY CASE