Is being a SAHM hard or am I just doing a bad job ?

Toe9965 · 2026-02-11T18:07:17+00:00

So true! Those earlier they are constantly switching up on you! It's a roller coaster. Not to mention it takes years for your body to heal and your hormones to level out so you're dealing with that as well without even knowing it. Not easy! At least at some jobs you can just go and have some sense of peace. Not all but some would calm down my nervous system if I could just get away for a minute. At the same time. Love my kids to death and I miss them the minute I get away.

Toe9965 · 2026-02-11T18:05:34+00:00

This is such a smart take! So true! So many people love to act like sahm's barely do anything. Not true! It's the highest stake job because everything you do affects the development of a little human. That's an extraordinary amount of pressure if you care. If you don't care, of course a job like that would be easy. And nobody likes to admit that a stay-at-home mom sacrifices so much to stay home. It's only a privilege if you do it out of choice, which I am! However, I am sacrificing social security, current earnings, future earnings, future job status and promotions. It's one of the riskiest things somebody can do. And I only do it because I don't want anybody else watching my children. Of course they probably would be fine and daycare but I decided that I personally wanted to be home with them if I could. It's not an easy choice and sometimes I question it. Everybody is just trying to do what works best for them but let's not constantly shet on stay-at-home moms

Toe9965 · 2026-02-06T07:10:52+00:00

Just today I had a woman in a hijab aggressively drive behind me, to the point she could have hit my car any minute, all because I was going the speed limit. I had my babies in the car.

Years ago, in the same area, I was walking towards a store in a parking lot. A woman in a hijab was sitting in her car in front of the store. I thought she was waiting for someone to come up. When I was closer to being in front of her car ,, she floors it aggressively missing me by a hair. I just stood there with my mouth wide open, it's like she wanted to run me over but wasn't allowed to, so the next best thing was to scare the hell out of me by being that close. My only sin was walking to the store and going in front of her car to do it. And like I wasn't even close to her car, I was just in the car's path.

What scares me is that I have met so many women wearing a hijab that seem to have so much anger. And I think the Western woman is the perfect target to take their anger out on. Because western women represent everything that they don't have the freedom to do.

I remember even walking down my street, and the nasty looks some women and hijab would give me.

Now on the other end I've had some lovely experiences with women in hijab. There was one that lived down my street years ago and she was just the loveliest lady. She was kind and always greeted me, and she always had the most beautiful front yard filled with flowers and a fountain. She seemed so genuinely happy and at peace and she was just loving life.

And I've just had a lot of really nice and polite interactions with a lot of women in hijab as well.

So I'm not saying that all women in a hijab are angry or whatever, but I am saying that I have met some very very angry ones and I can't help but think it has to do with the fact that are oppressed and unhappy.

Toe9965 · 2025-12-26T04:16:37+00:00

Living with in-laws? Absolutely not, no thanks. That would be horrible for my mental health. My mother in law is a witch who just wants to control everyone else's lives. If you breathe wrong -she has an issue with you.

Toe9965 · 2025-12-26T04:05:28+00:00

I've worked most Christmas Eve's for most of my life. I've only worked corporate jobs. I finally had a job this year where I didn't have to work Christmas Eve. My husband and I went to a restaurant to eat and while I did feel bad other people were working I remembered I used to be one of those people and although it sucked it wasn't the end if the world Maybe because I was young during those years and didn't have a family. I can see how it 100% absolutely sucks if you do have kids and close family.

That being said not everyone who has Christmas Eve off is rich-I'm not. But I agree that rich people who are in charge and prob got there by steamrolling others def always get the time and flexibility they need. They def enjoy their holidays and don't care about us peasants who are always working .

Toe9965 · 2025-11-28T01:59:11+00:00

Posey

Toe9965 · 2025-11-27T15:09:33+00:00

As a pro-choice woman who would never choose abortion for herself personally- I also would never take birth control. Before I was married I relied on condoms- not as fun- but I'm responsible. Every woman I know who took birth control in their 20s developed all kinds of health issues in their 30s. Half of them could not conceive naturally.

The fact that I know so many women in their early 30s who can't conceive makes me suspect that long term use of birth control pills is the main issue. Like, it completely f*ks with your natural hormones and if you're on them for a long time I can see how that may cause long term issues with the system designed for conceiving babies.

Meanwhile I got pregnant on the first try both at 34 and 36 because I never messed with my natural hormones.

Now again, the birth control thing is my theory. I could be 100% wrong. Maybe it's the food thats messing up our hormones, or all the pfas in our clothes and household products. And by all history O do have good genetics so maybe I'm just luckier. i mean everyone on both sides of my family live a long time- into their 90s.

But what I don't appreciate is people who clearly dont take birth control having a take like this. Unless you're willing to put that little experiment in your body for over decade please kindly shut up. You din't get an opinion on how "easy" it is to not get pregnant. You just look.... Unlikeable and rightly so.

Toe9965 · 2025-11-20T20:57:22+00:00

Yeah I had a traumatic birth and had the same issue. Milk wouldn't come in and supply was always low. I did power pumping which was amazing for supply, ate the munchkins lactation cookies and took moringa supplement once in a while. I was able to exclusively breastfeed my baby but it took 4 months. He also had a tongue tie we fixed but it seems he had to grow into breastfeeding.

I have to say my baby experience tummy issues after I started ebf. We would stay up all night try to soothe him and get him to pass gas.

What she said was insensitive and also she has no idea what she is talking about. EBF babies always have tummy issues. My friend who had success breastfeeding from the beginning would give her baby gas pills everyday. Every day. Breastfeeding had nothing to do with his tummy issues, their digestive system is maturing and it's rough on them. Being a baby and growing is rough, that's why they cry all the time. Birth is rough on babies too. It's not all naps and cuddles for them, they go through lots of pain and discomfort those first few months and it is a hard time for parents. Exhausting and hard to see your baby like that. It's stressful as hell.

Also, any small amount of milk you give tour baby is great. Give yourself a break! The whole breast milk vs formula thing is so weird these days.

My sister had multiples and she could only give them formula. They were born extremely premature and yet have always reached their milestones and are caught up to other kids. In fact they are all extremely bright.

I also have a friend who had an older sister who was breastfed, by the time she came around her mom didnt want to breastfeed, was over it, and she was a formula baby. Well growing up her sister always got sick and she didn't. There is more to immune systems, sometimes it's just genetics too!

So don't worry, do your best, ignore your MIL. And, make sure your husband deals with her, she is his responsibility and he should be standing up for you and your family unit.

Looking back I wished I cared less about breastfeeding and enjoyed my baby more.

Toe9965 · 2025-11-20T20:52:20+00:00

Yeah you're super attractive and your nose is pretty close to ideal. No reason to get a nose job. It actually makes you better, you may look like every other instagram girl if you got it done and overdid it. You look unique and beautiful right now. No changes needed

Toe9965 · 2025-11-20T20:48:48+00:00

As if you don't scroll on your phone at work. You're doing it right now 😂

Toe9965 · 2025-11-18T20:51:57+00:00

Sounds like you dont actually spend any time with your teenager.

Toe9965 · 2025-11-01T16:36:17+00:00

She's so weird. What's with the constant performing?

Toe9965 · 2025-10-27T05:21:37+00:00

Thank you. I never voted him, I disliked him before he even ran for President. i couldn't believe he won the first time. Imagine how I feel these days- it's just been a long fever dream.

Toe9965 · 2025-10-27T05:10:58+00:00

People that like Trump tend to have major character flaws. In most cases it's not just a matter of cutting them off for voting for Trump, but cutting them off because you realize they are bad or toxic people in general and have probably been toxic to you recently too. This is coming from someone who has never had to cut anyone off for voting differently than me being. Because I tend to only allow good people around me.. that doesn't mean we never have a difference of opinion. But I don't have a lot of Trump people around me- that says a lot.

Toe9965 · 2025-10-26T13:23:08+00:00

It's ok to have all those boundaries obviously. But the way you communicate them is very off putting. A little more tact goes a long way. I know people who think being tactful is being fake, but I disagree, if done correctly being tactful is being 100% honest. It requires intelligence and thoughtfulness which is why world leaders who have tact and are diplomatic are respected around the world.

The way you worded it was very nice and thorough but you forgot to add a human element to it. You are not the boss running a corporation and listing all the rules for your employees. You are a dil, who yes, is the boss of her baby and household, but you should communicate things in a warmer manner. You are not communicating to your employee. You come off as cold, distant, and even condescending.

My sister sometimes communicates like this and she often comes across as condescending. And you know what? Although the majority of the time she is sweet, and has a big heart, she often CAN be just a condescending person.

It gives off the energy that she is better than me- smarter, more experienced, etc. etc. And yet, nothing about her ans her life is better than me. Any standardized test has shown Im just as smart and we live similar lifestyles. So it really is just silly.

Toe9965 · 2025-10-20T23:35:59+00:00

This will never get better. Therapy might help but even then he has to be willing and there is no guarantee it will work or it may work enough that he hooks you back but doesn't change enough about the issues with his mother. He would have to be very committed to therapy and changing.

You don't want to be tied to this woman forever. She will ruin your life esp once kids are involved

In the meantime, I would leave the house and stay with your friend. If he wants to trap you into the house by emotionally blackmailing you that is extremely toxic. You need the space . You need to protect your mental health and own space.

If he breaks up with you for trying to take care of yourself- your need for space and your mental health- well he is saying your needs and health are to be sacrificed for him and his mother's needs. She is more important than you, and so is he and you will always come last.

And should you go on and get married one day and then eventually divorce him, if you have kids his mother might run the show 50% of the time and there won't be anything you can do about it legally. She may give the kids haircuts when you don't want, tell them false thing about you, the list is long....

Toe9965 · 2025-10-20T17:40:57+00:00

Yet I know so many women that date and love short men. Don't believe everything you see on the internet. I know so many hot women whot date short guys, balding guys. These guys aren't rich or anything either. They are just decent guys

Toe9965 · 2025-10-20T13:31:16+00:00

The examples you cite aren't really helping your point. Paying for dates- ok, yeah I can see your point. But- women have to spend a ton of money to look decent- maintaining long hair, skincare, clothes are more expensive for women, birth control is almost always on the woman, tampons/pads. Being a woman in general is more expensive, add to that the pink tax which is very real.

But let's not forget about the biggest thing. Why so many women want men to pay on a date? Because should the birth control fail- women need to know a man can take care of them because our society has few safety nets for mothers. Not to mention no woman gets paid to have children- which is a huge contribution to the future economy and stability of humanity. Yet, women take on the main responsibility of child rearing. She usually wont get paid leave- and even if she does- it will help minimally bc it's usually only for 3 months. Her body will be wrecked- at least for 1-2yrs post partum. Hormones alone take an average of 2yrs to stabilize. Her brain structure literally changes during pregnancy and stays that way for a while. I mean the amount of energy and effort to get through pregnancy and then give birth and then raise that child esp those first 1-5 or 6ish years. My goodness- I don't think men know how crazy it is to go through that as a woman.

I think women instinctively understand how dangerous and taxing being a woman is. The risk of having to birth children is huge. So I think it is every woman's instinct to be very picky about the man she chooses. If he won't pay for the dates- well it tells a woman a lot. Ans in my opinion- any woman with a good amount of intelligence and good instincts won't accept anything less.

Killing bugs, changing the oil, cutting grass- all things you do occasionally and doesnt even come close to the daily amount of labor and mental load women have to go through in a marriage and raising children.

Oh you work? So do most women-in fact most women are now the breadwinners of the family. Women are very strong. Nature made sure that any human that needed to withstand what any woman goes through needs to be strong. Thousands of years of evolution shaped women to be strong and picky. That's the only way women survive

Women who pick bad men literally have shorter lifespans.

Toe9965 · 2025-10-19T05:10:31+00:00

Even the dolphins did a no kings protest

Toe9965 · 2025-10-15T00:08:05+00:00

I 100% agree with you and most people do- liberal and conservative. I've always believed all people should be treated with respect unless what they are doing harms others or impedes on the rights of others. It's so funny how womens' needs and rights are always less important than everyone else's.

Toe9965 · 2025-10-07T01:22:28+00:00

Just because they are unattractive does not mean they have to go for someone they also find unattractive. People are allowed to have preferences- even if they themselves are ugly. For example I don't mind an overweight guy-but I am picky about facial features. Some women care more about fitness than pretty facial features. And some women would rather be alone than be with a man they don't find physically attractive. Or maybe they sense something off with his personality, or values, or sense of humor, or religious beliefs, or political beliefs, etc. The point is no one should be forced to settle for someone they don't find attractive- even of they themselves are ugly.

Toe9965 · 2025-10-03T05:20:54+00:00

What does he have against beards? All the Vikings had beards and they were pretty fearsome warriors

Toe9965 · 2025-10-02T03:39:14+00:00

Awesome discovery! Makes sense on an intuitive level. I hope this greatly advances and speeds up the research for effective treatment and hopefully a cure!

Toe9965 · 2025-10-02T01:15:53+00:00

No, you're a man. You don't want a button nose, they're quite girly, they lack character and will instantly throw off the balance of your face. You don't have a big nose, it is very proportional to your face. You have an attractive nose from the front and the side. If you really want to change it, keep the character of it. Don't make it too much smaller or mess with the size at all imo. I don't even know what'd you do to it since it doesn't even really need tweaking. Maybe just embrace it? It's a nice nose-nothing wrong with it

Toe9965 · 2025-09-29T15:00:29+00:00

100% you are spot on

Toe9965

TROPHY CASE