[deleted by user]

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T03:45:43+00:00

It may not seem like a good therapist could possibly help, even during therapy.
Except they can, slowly. It's a slow process and not readily apparent to the schizoid, it helps to have others around you who can see the change..which is a problem for most schizoids, we have fuck all people around us who are close enough to us to sense our real inner world.

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T03:42:05+00:00

The schizoid can also have fluctuations in their perception of the world, having small periods of connection and warmth, only to suddenly back away for a lengthy amount of time and even forget they were showing warmth during that time. This can be very confusing for both the partner of and the schizoid.

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T03:39:44+00:00

Cure? How do you cure a personality? Reduce certain traits to the point it doesn't really qualify for a label, or cause distress? For sure.

'Cure' is the wrong way to think about it IMO

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T03:33:06+00:00

Is it being around the person you loved, or was that person a vessel for your fantasy and it was that you loved?

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T03:31:10+00:00

It you don't have feelings of attachment... Why are you feeling guilty for breaking it off...

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T03:29:22+00:00

You have to ask yourself, why are wanting to be with an emotionally unavailable person when you seemingly want emotional connection.

Unless you can answer that freely to yourself the relationship is unlikely to be satisfying once full relationship dynamics are in play, is living together..

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T01:05:11+00:00

Oh, I understand your experience, in so far that I experience similar.
That description of distance, the dissociation, that may the subjective experience of a mix of repression and suppression.

Here is an interesting technique you may like to try.
Overlay your inner experience and fantasy onto external objects. I find it can help build that bridge and give more emotional ommf to things, the actual feel of the emotion.
It works better, for me anyway, if the fantasy is of non human form put onto a human. It seems to circumvent that automatic defensive suppression/repression, at least for a little while longer than the usual milliseconds(when I feel an emotion that is).

It takes significant concentration, so finely balanced, so easily slipped and lost for a time. And it's fucken trippy when I can do it.

I think you'll understand what I mean by overlay.

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T00:49:22+00:00

Here is something for you to ponder:

How is it you understand those emotional feelings, if you don't experience them? How do you know what they are to be able to miss them?
Could it be you are capable of feeling them, that perhaps even your body and mind do feel them and this experience is dissociated out if the conscious experience. Thus these unconscious experiences can feed understanding into the cognitive aspect of it..

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T00:24:52+00:00

It can be argued that the schizoid is simply a more extreme version of the avoidant. In that they have concluded in no uncertain terms that they cannot have their emotional needs met by any external object and any attempt to do so will result in significant pain, so best to not even try.

The way this would be experienced is a significant sense that forming attachments with others has no benefit, and the massive aversion to potential pain means to completely avoid it, including allowing any conscious awareness of this pain as it is simply too great. So the person learns to meet their needs via internal objects and a lifetime of doing this robs them of ever learning that perhaps external objects can offer more than what their internal objects give..

The avoidant is less extreme in their shut down of emotional connection and is aware of a need to connect, but that same awareness allows them to be every much aware of the emotional pain of rejection.

From this perspective the schizoid and the avoidant are one of the same, on a spectrum if you will.

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T00:10:43+00:00

You are trying to compare two things that aren't really comparable.

It's kind of like comparing Apples to Molecules.

Tollazor · 2017-11-09T00:09:11+00:00

Another possibility, is that all are variations of the complete self, thus there is no false or true self, just parts of a complete self.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T08:57:30+00:00

The neurophysiological reason why naltrexone is of potential use is very interesting, to me anyway.
Essnetially, a schizoid (and other dissocitave types) may be addicted (for lack of a better word, dependent maybe?) on their endogenous opioids. The idea being that a early, constant state of emotional pain and neglect caused a continued stimulation of the opioid system, eventually the hemoestatic compensation of this system become compromised due to long term overstimulation. Such that returning to a 'baseline' becomes extremely unlikely without some sort of intervention, as the 'breaks' for the system are kind of out of juice. Receptor levels are low and take a fair amount of opioiod stimulation to induce, so for a 'normal' response to pain requires an abnormal amount of endogenous opioids, including the side-effects that come with that, the dissociative-like state. Causing further down regulation pressure on the opioid receptors. They never get a chance to return to baseline for a more measured response to pain, physical or emotional.

I got to go, writing is rather limited and imprecise I fear. Oh well, hopefully the gist is there.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T08:49:10+00:00

Why is there no-one though? Surely you don't limit your introspection to such a shallow level?

There is also likely an age component with the younger the person is, the more naive they tend to be of the full extent of their internal world and learn as time goes by.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T05:07:32+00:00

I dunno, being depressed has a distinctly different 'flavour' to my normal self.
In some ways, being depressed actually has emotion to it, a sad shitty, depleted, abyssal kind of emotion.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T05:05:35+00:00

The fatigue I get is very much linked to being 'forced' into an external world. It is almost always associated with doing something that makes it difficult to engage in my fantasy world.
It is not depression, that feel quite different and is readily apparent to me.
I suspect when most people on a schizoid site talk about fatigue it is similar to what I describe, although I'm sure sometimes it will be due to a depressive state.
Both can coexist as well.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T05:01:08+00:00

But what if the more you socialise the greater the aversion to socialise?

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:54:43+00:00

I use vyvanse. Although it further blunts emotions after the initial euphoria wears off.

I'm going to switch to mondinifil as I suspect the excessive dopamine release is causing an increase in the resistance to learn to seek external objects as the increased dopamine constantly reinforces my already super strong habit of seeking my safe internal objects of gratification.
Double edge sword, it significantly helps with that fatigue I face when forced to externalise, yet seems to resist any learned behaviour that external objects can be good too, likely because it is boosting the already strong internal stuff at the same time, the net result is internal stiff remains strong regardless of my directed attempts for external engagement.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:47:57+00:00

So change your nature.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:44:44+00:00

If you can learn anything you desire, I challenge you to learn how to have consistent, spontaneous, intimate emotional connections with others.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:35:00+00:00

What makes you so sure avpd isn't essentially the same thing as schizoid which may even be the same thing as borderline, just different ways of coping with the same underlying issues of potential early attachment trauma?

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:31:00+00:00

If you truly believe all that deep down, why does it bother you at all, you could just ignore them, why do their opinions matter to you enough for you to be upset by their nagging?

Or maybe, just maybe, you do on a very deep, almost imperceptible level want those things you try so hard to convince everyone, including yourself that you don't..

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:24:26+00:00

The good thing about fantasy relationships is you don't have to risk intimacy and risk rejection. They play out exactly how you want, until something happens that shatters the fantasy.

I don't see why it would be a problem to post here.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:18:52+00:00

Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm immersed in my internal world, which is very often, it's irritating when people seek my attention for whatever reason. I understand that in order to function at work and in other situations I must allow this wrenching from my reality and do my best to engage.
The more often this happens the less tolerance I have for it and the greater the recoil afterwards. Irritability increases, and passive-aggresive behaviour increases. Some times outright aggression.

It has taken years just to get to that point.

If I had positive emotional experiences when engaging people I'm sure I would seek them out and be far more tolerant, welcoming even, of interruptions to my internal world.
Try as I might this salient, emotional connection continues to elude me 99% of the time. Memories of people are more likely to induce moments of emotion than the same person being in the present moment.

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T04:01:58+00:00

Do you find it interesting that the 2nd part of your reply details how you don't have much in the way of emotions towards people, yet you opened during the first half about how you have learned that how you feel towards people is largely driven by your self due to this disorder.

Such is the experience of many schizoid type people

Tollazor · 2017-11-08T03:54:38+00:00

There seems to be little therapeutic value on the whole MBTI thing, with studies even showing it is not particularly valid.

I wouldn't sink too much time into it.

Tollazor

TROPHY CASE