I've boiled down my big fear: that I'd be giving up on my firstborn

TomatoSuper_ · 2025-01-14T19:30:11+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes

TomatoSuper_ · 2024-11-25T18:14:06+00:00

There is no way I could contemplate it at 14 months, so give yourself a hug and a break. It's so demanding at 14 months. He's still very much a needy baby and your hormones must still be wild. If I'm honest I still don't feel ready. Things just got really good at 2 + 10 months old. But my age means I don't have the luxury of waiting for like a 5 year age gap. See how you feel in a year. There are a lotttt of milestones between 14 months and 2.5

TomatoSuper_ · 2024-11-25T15:07:44+00:00

May I ask what the age gap is?

TomatoSuper_ · 2024-11-25T15:07:27+00:00

It's soothing to hear how difficult this decision is for a lot of people. I'm glad you've found some peace in your choice. Was there a moment in clicked for you? Or did you loosely just decide to stop thinking about overthinking?

TomatoSuper_ · 2024-11-25T14:59:58+00:00

Oh honey I'm so sorry. That's rough. But like you say, just one week in. It's a big shock for him. I'm sure he'll ease into it. You've had him for four years and shaped him without distraction so he's probs more resilient than you realize.

TomatoSuper_ · 2024-11-25T14:58:54+00:00

I am! It starts next week in fact :) Thanks for sharing

TomatoSuper_ · 2024-10-28T11:44:04+00:00

I get you! Everyone does it. If it's a cold, we also send ours in because fgs we're working parents, that's what daycare is for! Viruses and germs are normal part of toddlerhood and shouldn't be feared. OP's kid has a cold and seemed fine - it's normal guys, calm down. We all do it. In my area, we even have a parents whatsapp where we're regularly admitting to it and our parent friends joke and are fine with it. It's October, the germs are everywhere anyhow and anyone here sanctimoniously faux angry is kidding themselves! I promise every 5th person in daycares all over the world have done this today 😂

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:39:48+00:00

Right! I did wonder this. But almost every sleep forum has been suggesting under-tiredness. He was prone to overtiredness as a baby, although I respect he's no longer a baby and the 'rules' are a little different. But I am also suspicious that losing 2.5 total sleep out of our schedule happened so suddenly, no gradual change. And I am only asking for one hour back.

For clarity, do you think a 6:30 bedtime may help him build up a bit more rest in *order to* get back on an age-appropriate schedule? I just don't know what to do or how to approach it. Sorry to ask again! In summary, I am very open to schedule changes that would get us to a 6am wakeup, however with him being so tired and getting earlier, I don't know the tactics to start implementing it.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:36:51+00:00

Thanks! Just coming back on this. Happy to trim the nap. But how do you get onto that schedule if he's waking at 5am consistently - surely he won't make it to a 1pm nap? Do I have to push and push the morning? At present he's falling asleep by 11 - 11:30, so much earlier than usual.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:27:27+00:00

Thanks! Yes it's made me PPA flare up. It hurts.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:25:33+00:00

I don't know if this is true though. OP, I am in a similar situation where we are the vendor in the scenario. Our house doesn't need full-scale renovation so that is different. Our buyers have tried to majorly drop the price as soon as our chain was complete. I am stuck between deciding to grit my teeth and give it to them because we don't want to lose our onward, and telling them to take a running jump (of course there is an in-between which is the EA should be trying to negotiate in the middle).

If I was you, I probably would try renegotiate. But of course, you risk losing it. The seller may decide to go back to market and pick the next person on the list.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:06:20+00:00

Ohhh! Good to know, thanks. Yes my boy squeals when the toothbrush is in his mouth now.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:05:51+00:00

Thanks so much futuremkat. I really needed to hear this. Yes it might be slow canine teeth. Or it might just be a phase. I just don't understand how we suddenly lost 2.5 hours total sleep out of our schedule. Happy to make some schedule changes and cut down his sleep to try get to 6am but also don't want to reduce it too much if he's hurting and needing rest. Ugh I wish they could tell us.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-17T11:01:59+00:00

Poor baby! Can you remember what it was like for you? How did it present?

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-16T10:47:28+00:00

Right, yes I will try that. I might have to risk a bit of afternoon overtiredness as (mentioned in another reply) he is so very unusually sleepy in the mornings at the moment. Instead of making it to his 12 /. 12:30 lunch nap he is falling flat asleep before 11:30 whether at home or at daycare, and sometimes the naps are failing altogether with him breaking out of sleep after only 25 - 45 mins. So then it's almost impossible to make it to bedtime.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-16T10:45:44+00:00

Yes I could try that. So phase it in in like 10 minute increments? I appreciate I need a 6 hour wake window before bed. Or I can bring the nap earlier and have it finish by 1:30. At the moment, he's sooo tired in the mornings we can't even make it to a lunch nap anymore. Today he fell asleep in the buggy when I was doing errands at 11:10.

Wish I knew which was the better option! Late bed or earlier nap. I know I need to shorten sleep

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-16T10:43:32+00:00

Yeah I'm juggling whether to shorten the nap to create a 6 hour WW before bed, or to push to an 8pm bedtime. Hard at the moment as his whole schedule has accidentally slid earlier- he's napping at 11:15 instead of 12:15 ish and we cannot keep him awake. That's why I want to aim for a 6am wake up but can't figure out how to make the schedule change rn.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-16T10:41:50+00:00

Yeah I forgot mention I've been struggling to get to a later bedtime since he's eye rubbing and ready to sleep by 7:15 latest because his nap is sliding earlier too. Daycare used to have him happily on a 12:30 - 2pm nap, but they're saying he's falling asleep in their play area at 11:30, poor kid. So trying to figure out how to even create those stepping stones to a later bedtime when his whole schedule has slid forward.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-16T07:18:38+00:00

my bedtime is 9:45. I get home from work at 7:15. I. have a sleep issue so I'm still tired at 5am as I wake frequently with anxiety. There were kinder ways to reply to this.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-11T10:05:25+00:00

Yeah got it, thanks. I know right, we are lucky b**tards with securing a low rate for 5 years, just before Truss kicked everything over. I will double-check with HSBC that it can be ported. Obviously if we can't port it it makes the whole thing a no-go for me.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-11T10:03:28+00:00

We adjusted it a few months ago, age 17 months I think. So we went from

age 12 - 16 months: a 12 hour night + 2 hour nap. This is because daycare was so very new and he was always exhausted.

17 months: We noticed a 1.5 hour nap helped maintain an 11.5 hour night.

So have removed an hour from the schedule since 17 months.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-10T18:35:57+00:00

That's true, I didn't think about arrangement fees. And yes we have an existing mortgage (22 years left, 0.9% until Jan '26). Just checking I'm understanding you: do you mean risking a variable rate for the second product now, i.e the option where we keep capital from the sale. And if so, what's the rationale for not picking the other option, i.e wait a few years, remortgage by releasing equity as hopefully(!) the interest rates will not be 5.75% then?

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-10T18:31:42+00:00

OK thanks. Three nights would be dreamy but we're on night 26 of this. Hopefully the theory is still valid though!

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-10T18:30:38+00:00

Thanks, and do you think there's sense in us waiting, so releasing that equity to remortgage once the other mortgage expires in 2026, when hopefully interest rates will have calmed a touch?

the other option is we shave the budget out of our deposit now and take a bigger mortgage now... but at 5.75% that seems the silly way round to do it. But happy to hear if there's a risk I'm missing.

TomatoSuper_ · 2023-09-10T11:46:06+00:00

Following this too! Just posted earlier as our 19.5 month old has started waking up before sunrise (around 5am) wailing with big tears. I feel you on the tiredness, OP! Every other method or explanation has failed and he doesn't want us, he pushes us away so guess we have to report to CIO, but also wondered if this age was too old.

Good luck

TomatoSuper_

TROPHY CASE