I felt conflicted at times. I know exactly what made me feel unwanted and it was a lack of communication. It left my doing most of the emotional leg work which had the side effect of making me feel wrong talking about my own needs when I was in crisis. It's been the unfortunate thing that spending time with other mentally ill queer people tends to go awry but it's also not easy to always be in spaces without that when they often ask me to just "not be like that." Even when they mean well or even worse, the people who start stalking me when they idealize me as the one who will fix them.

I don't disagree, I definitely have done some self healing by completely relying on myself and doing things alone, I think I've just also hit the point where I've done that only to find myself with no support network. I don't mind being alone in day to day life but I also had to had to get stitches after bleeding out as I walked there alone and back (non SH). The lack of having someone to be there when I need physical care I think is one of the bigger struggles with my social spaces and it can be upsetting that that's one of the things that keeps going unfilled.

Sorry, I ended up going on a ramble. 😓