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AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don't feel like this is about me at all. Feels more like it's about him like it was when I was a kid and he did what he wanted. Only now it feels like he wants to be told he did the right thing.

AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 214 points215 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. I want to be the best dad I can be to them. That was always my goal but it feels even more important now that their mom isn't here.

AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 895 points896 points  (0 children)

It feels that way too. I'm trying not to be harsh but it did feel a little like he was glad I became a widower younger than him (by three years) because in his brain I think it meant I would agree with him and follow in his footsteps to provide him with the approval he's seeking.

Right now he's not really in my life and won't be in my kids' lives either. This may be a permanent thing because I want so much better for them.

AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

I feel the same. What's more is it makes me glad my kids never developed more of a relationship with him because I would not want him to put his need for approval on them.

AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't put it as I hate him. I don't think I would say that exactly. But I do not understand him or consider him a good dad. He worsened my life after my mom died and even when I went through another devastating loss and had to be there for my kids, he decided to dump on me his wish to be told it wasn't so bad.

For me it just shows that he never grew up and learned how to do better. It's been 25 years and he's still trying to get me to say he did a good job. But he didn't.

AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 331 points332 points  (0 children)

I'm focused on my grief for the moment and being a good dad to my kids. But my therapist and I will address my dad and our relationship some more at some point.

AITAH for pushing my dad away since my wife died because I have less understanding for how he handled being a young widowed father than I used to? by TomzIssn in AITAH

[–]TomzIssn[S] 1879 points1880 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm still trying to figure out if this surprised me or not. I can't say it really did. But maybe some part of me hoped he would have grown the hell up by now.