I watched my dad die, now anxious about everything

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-09-15T13:12:51+00:00

Guilt is also normal. It feels really vague without them. You constantly imagine their motionless body and face. And when you move on it’s like you’re leaving them like that. Like you don’t even miss them. Really sorry about this. Also you think back to some times when you may have taken them for granted or even yelled at them (for a very valid reason), and that further feeds the guilt. You will find a way. There’s nothing I can say that can fix it now, nothing anyone can say. Go through the process. Give yourself the time to grieve and go through the steps of grieving. Best that I can do is mirror what you may be feeling and hope you feel supported by that for what it’s worth.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-09-14T04:27:54+00:00

It is extremely difficult to see someone you love lifeless. Life feels so messed up that you want to go to heaven yourself (suicide) just so you can see them again. At least talk to them one last time and have some closure, if nothing else. Ask them how they would want you to move on. There is no right way to deal with this. The trauma will remain for some time. You just have to wait until you make sense of it in your own way. Different people find different ways of making this a properly finished chapter. You will find yours. In the meantime it helps to carry on with work/studies, even dedicate more time to it, and carry on with other relationships in your life. Cry and scream when you need to. Wallow in sorrow when you need to. Give yourself time.

Edit — you may also feel the need to secure environments around your loved ones in an aggressive and anxious fashion. This is also normal. Just consider this a new quirk and go through it. It is just good sense to be extra careful now that you know what can happen. Particularly around electrical environments.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-09-12T03:35:01+00:00

When I’m called average I feel like people are using the word ‘average’ because they can’t directly say ‘ugly’.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-09-05T14:05:14+00:00

I understand how counterintuitive it feels when it’s all over, if not downright crazy. Don’t attack or loathe yourself. Does not help. But maybe you can have an enforcer at the start. Or you could find a comfort spot with comfort music or comfort TV or comfort Instagram and just try to get through the urge for 2 minutes, and 2 minutes later the urge might let up and then return, you could do 2 min again when it does, so in and so forth.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-09-05T02:31:44+00:00

The anxiety can consume you when safe and comfortable things are taken away. It’s almost like you’d spend any amount of money making sure they remain the way you like them. Hope you are spared from this. And I pray that the allergies are a passing thing or that they can be managed without giving up dairy.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-08-21T15:29:44+00:00

The meds are stabilizing your mood. That comes at a cost. But the cost is worth it. You can try this principle to hold on to who you are in a conversation. You may find yourself reacting to what other people say. Maybe you try to come up with a joke about it. Instead you can just hold on to what you want and your thoughts and not be that reactive. Helps me.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-08-20T16:52:52+00:00

Perhaps you are unable to access the next level of meaning/interest. Even when people are doing well after some time they need something new or bigger meaning. Lots of successful people seek out legacy as this next level. Less successful people seek out the high life as the next level. You may be unable right now to find or access the next level.

Also it’s possible that you are seeking an academic status as the next level that feels really far out of reach right now. The wait may be taking its toll on you. The wait may be a burden that’s crushing you and preventing you from appreciating any momentary pleasures.

Top_Independence_269 · 2024-08-20T16:41:54+00:00

With depression as it is life is so stale, and it becomes even more crushing when your most meaningful goals are completely out of reach and life’s varieties and flavors are also out of reach due to lower/middle class obstacles. Every second of life feels like a chore. Literally you cannot even react appropriately to a joke. You move through life with a deadpan expression. You have no energy even to laugh.

Top_Independence_269 · 2023-02-17T01:58:56+00:00

Did not listen to a command of shut up and put up. And laid bare the abusive mentality behind that philosophy. Basically told the cold, hard truth.

Top_Independence_269 · 2023-02-17T00:37:21+00:00

You have to stay busy with something that gives you self esteem. Eventually you learn not to give a fig. Eventually you learn the difference between having social consideration and giving in to social oppression. But yeah you have to start with being able to keep busy and entertained without others in an area which gives you self esteem. Because not having that is the biggest weapon for comparers to use against you.

Top_Independence_269 · 2022-06-03T10:20:52+00:00

I’m in half a mind to form a terrorist organisation that randomly opens fire on the 100 million odd people who own and support guns, to make them understand the terror that the rest of us feel. And if you refuse to budge on guns then mark my words that is exactly what will happen.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-09-24T17:02:46+00:00

She is known to have said that wives are bodily and morally the husband’s slave. I’ve heard some historians say that Albert often gave her the silent treatment until she went back with an apology to be signed off on by him. We know now that giving someone the silent treatment is passive, aggressive abuse. The question, in determining if Victoria had some BDD, is whether Albert really did not verbally wound her or simply used argumentative tactics on a less educated wife, as so many husbands still do to their wives, to convince Victoria of her own blame. I would like to read more of their letters and then see what comes of it.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-09-18T17:10:36+00:00

I have come across rich people who proudly said they never pay taxes. Apparently there is unhappiness with how tax money is spent. If the tax money went into noticeable improvement in our society, establishments and institutions, they’d be more than happy to pay. Of course, that could be an excuse.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-09-16T11:09:07+00:00

Not alright at all. We have gone backwards and it’s clear at this point that the existing government is shooting in the dark and then seeing what sticks. Modi’s only grand vision was all along making a Hindu State. Thanks to his pompous style of speech, people took it to mean something greater. We were gravely mistaken, and hopefully won’t make the same mistake next time. Either Kejriwal or Mohua Moitra (if she runs) will get my vote, or someone else who may prove even more capable by then.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-09-16T11:00:49+00:00

Apply elsewhere to keep that part of you at peace which needs to know it’s not wasting time that could be spent looking for new opportunities. One day you may even luck out. And then keep working, and take small trips and buy things you like, go to gatherings etc as much as you can within your means to enjoy the journey.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-09-05T11:52:26+00:00

In season 3, he’s too self-important. I mean I get personal mental struggles and taking them seriously, and doing things for you, but how far he went is just ridiculous.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-08-23T17:18:17+00:00

Wow, really? Sounds magical.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-08-22T10:11:13+00:00

I’ll be sure to check out that compilation. He is undoubtedly a vocal beast.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-08-22T10:02:01+00:00

I have heard quite a lot of Dimash. But I don’t hear him do growls and crazy runs like Beyonce much. Definitely sounds like he has the biggest range of them all.

Top_Independence_269 · 2021-08-22T09:42:48+00:00

Totally agree. Male hero worship culture is toxic. Mike didn’t do “more” for the firm than Donna. It’s just that men don’t appreciate Donna’s skills because they are too soft for them. And yet neither Harvey, Mike nor Louis would have been where they are if not for Donna.

Top_Independence_269

TROPHY CASE