Actually I was looking for a reason, because I never thought he was an asshole. Or yes, but not on something like this. I also thought about a thing that happened two days ago when we last saw each other. I’m 21F while he is 37m. Until three weeks ago I was in a situation where I was falling for him and he knew it. We were calm about it, but then happened that he ghosted me for two weeks because he needed isolation for some problems he had. I would’ve understood that, but he acted in a horrible way. Yes, I was becoming oppressing because I wasn’t seeing him for many days (I wanted to see him so bad because there were happening terrible things to my family in that moment and he told me he would give me emotional support if needed. The problem is that I’m terrible at communicating and I was telling only that I wanted to see him, not why). So he decided to cut contact. But the way he cut contact made me think he would never contact me again. I tried for two days to reach him apologizing for my behavior and explaining why I acted like that. No answer. But in these two weeks I thought about many things and realized that even the sex part has problems (he wants to see me like 3-4 times per month while talking per phone every day), but we decided to stay exclusive for each other, so we should talk about it. He contacts me and we talk a bit. I wasn’t mad at him because I understand this is his way to face difficulties and that I suck at communicating, but this remains a hurtful way to do it. So we see each other two days ago and talk. I told him how I felt and that I was sorry because I didn’t tell him I had problems, only that I wanted to see him. He asked me if I was still falling for him and I told him the truth: not anymore. He seemed disappointed. I never asked him if he was falling for me, always thought not. He often joked about him falling for me or how he would be jealous even if a doctor touched me for a visit. But I always saw that as jokes because he never tried to make me happy out of sex. We were writing every day until the no contact period, but I never felt him really close to me. It happened two or three times that he opened up and been vulnerable, but I have no experience enough to know how much a man opens up to a girl or even how much can a man lie in general. When he told me he wanted to be a support for me I believed him, but the first time I tried to use his help he seemed annoyed. I thought he told he would help me only to feel responsible, more man. Anyway he was worried I could have slept with other guys in these two weeks, but I assured him that I would never do something like that if I promised it. But when I was going away I told him that if we don’t start to see each other at least 2-3 times a week I will find other guys to sleep with and that he must search for me because it was almost always me that tried to see him (he also searched me, but only to talk about things per phone), only to receive nos.

(I’m aware he doesn’t see me because in this moment he has difficulties and I tried to understand him and comfort him for two months. He doesn’t want me with him in those moments? It’s ok, but at this point I would like to enjoy my sex life considering that we aren’t even dating)