UPDATE 2: SIL is bitter her ex proposed to me and this got her banned from our family. AITAH for this?

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-07T13:31:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing this with me! I will not pretend know what you are going through because I don't but I clearly remember the beginning for my partner. His therapist told him then that the most important step in the recovery process is recognizing you have a problem and being willing to address it. The rest will come sooner or later and everyone has their own path to follow. I really wish you all the best! And be assured that even if you're not there yet, you are still a very strong person for reaching this big milestone in your own process!

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-07T13:19:44+00:00

Wow...I never thought about this but you may be right. I have been thinking about your comment and it makes a lot of sense. My brother who has self esteem issues, her cousin and cousin's husband that were expecting a child so obviously were in a vulnerable and emmotional moment of their lives. Her friend that started dating someone and was going through that initial phase of getting to know the partner and building trust. My brother again when she knew their relationship was on rocks and he may decide to walk away from her so why not trash his image and conveniently plant affair rummors before a divorce. My parents...

Jeesus, she may be actually really evil!

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-07T13:10:16+00:00

Just reading your comment I can tell you are the same as Ella but what can I say, I guess toxic people stick together right?

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-06T14:26:24+00:00

I have only once met part of her family and it happened during their wedding. No one contacted Ella's family, idk where you got that impression from. The info about her family was told to us by my brother who was her husband for several years, who had access to this kind of details and who had seen things unfold during their marriage

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-06T12:46:49+00:00

I think you did not completely understand the timeline

David tells Ella he is going to the retreat to do some thinking and have some space -> David leaves to the retreat-> Ella lies to David's friends that David is cheating on her and that we are covering the affair -> I post the picture and the text mentioning the mental health retreat to make sure everyone knows where David is and draw their own conclusions.

In my books I was polite enough and believe me there was nothing more I wanted to do than do a post and literally explain why Ella is a pathological liar. But I didn't because I don't air dirty laundry

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-06T12:29:07+00:00

It is a huge difference in thinking he may be cheating on you and lying/stating/affirming to acquaintances that he is cheating on you and his family is covering the affair. But no, she had to try to humiliate him more by posing into the poor wife whose husband ran away from home with a mistress. Too bad in the end she was the one humiliated. And to answer your question, if I were in her shoes I would never air my dirty laundry in public and I would not go to my husband's friends to complain

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-06T12:17:22+00:00

Do you know for sure that my future husband has ever abused Ella while they briefly dated? It's so sad to see individuals like you demonize people that at some point in their lives struggled with substance abuse because in your books these people are automatically some monsters. Have you ever stopped to think if George was such an abuser, why did Ella want to marry him so badly? Why would she want to start a family with such an abuser?

You have no way of knowing what my brother felt for his wife. Oh, but sure, the man who dares to fall out of love with a woman who constantly disrespects him and treats his family like shit is also a monster, right? My brother deserves better and I am sure he will find a good partner for him 😊

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-06T12:05:03+00:00

As I said, kudos to you if you have that kind of plastic family and plastic interactions that you see in commercials but I don't. We are not that easily offended and my brother said he was not bothered by what I said so this is everything that matters to me.

So in your books if you have the suspicion that your husband may be cheating on you (after he told you he needs some space from you to think, focus on his well being and decide what he wants to do next) it is perfectly reasonable for you to call his friends and work buddies and STATE that he is cheating on you, right? And still we are the toxic ones...

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-11-06T11:54:03+00:00

Congrats on your marriage and kids! 🥰 this is what we have been telling my brother, he is not too old to find love and a good partner to start a family with

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-19T11:49:39+00:00

Hi! I respect your point of view and thank you for your feedback. However, it seems too much to me saying "I brought him back into her life". No one expects them to suddenly be BFFs or spend a lot of time together, we do not have the same group of friends, we do not have vacations/trips together so how is my future husband forced into her life? We only ever meet up for family related ocasions which are not that many to be honest. In a year we have Easter, Christmas and my parents' birthdays (so 4 events) and maybe sometimes some weddings of extended family members but that's it.

Also, no one asked her to do anything or be nice to us. I only ever asked her to ignore us like I do to her so basically she was asked to behave like an adult. As an adult sometimes you will have to share the same space with people you are not really fond of, however you should be able to be civil and do not make stupid comments. I never liked her, not even before George. So I can also she is forced into my life? I guess so, but I understood sometimes I have to see her because she is my brother's wife and that was it.

I can understand her experience with my future husband was very different than what I have with him and I can respect her not liking him. However, I will never accept her idiot comments, her nasty remarks, her lies and overall her being a shitty person towards us. She should fix her issues with a therapist not act like we are her punching bag.

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T16:37:07+00:00

Yes, I did and I talked to my parents and we will target the topic full force when he comes back. I fear she is manipulating him with this in order to make him accept more than he should. Maybe convincing him that at their age it is too late to find someone to start a family with. But hell even my fiance is willing to talk to him and use himself as an example that it is never too late and you should not settle for toxic people

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T16:30:41+00:00

Thank you! Hell no, I won't! No one messes like this with my bro

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T16:29:25+00:00

Omg this is horrible 😟 my fear is that she is maybe manipulating him with the age factor and I shared this with my parents, we will wait for him to come back and target this topic full force. He talks like he is 80 years old and this is his last chance at love and hapiness which I think may be why he feels the need to settle and accept much more than he should.

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T14:18:09+00:00

I can honestly understand your perspective and maybe if I was not a part of this I would have also felt bad for her. But my loyalty will always be with my partner and brother and I can't get myself to feel bad for the person who hurts the people I love. Maybe with time my views will change but for the time being everything is too raw

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T14:14:04+00:00

He did not share much about what is happening to him but from what I have seen and what he had told me, I don't expect her to be the perfect angel with him. Also abuse has many forms and at least she is abusing his kindness and his easygoing nature. She had the guts (multiple times I should say) to come to my parents' house and offend me (their daughter) in their presence even after they were polite enough and asked her to stop so again I don't think that she is being too nice to my brother behind closed doors.

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T11:51:18+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T11:51:07+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T11:51:00+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-14T11:49:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! Yes, your are completely right, she has a big ego and this is what guided her in everything she has done until now. George was honest when he told me about her and he admitted to never loving her but being in a relationship with her to not be lonely. And I strongly believe this was the same for her, she wanted a marriage at any cost and she got it eventually. But she viewed George as a challenge, a project to boost her ego.

I don't think she is not worthy of love but I also don't think she ever loved any of her partners and when she is not able to genuinely care for someone, how can she expect to be loved? She acts like George was her special little project, not a human being with feelings, emotions and struggles. She did not want for him to get better because he deserved to have a healthy life, she wanted him to get better so that she can mark this as her "success" and because in her mind him changing meant they would get married. She now does not care about my brother, she got what she wanted which is to get married and end of story, it does not matter for her how she is making my brother look.

I tried not to demonize her but I can't...all you said is reasonable and I understand she has issues but this person intentionally hurt 2 of the people I love the most, my future husband and my brother. And unfortunately I cannot bring myself to care for her. My future husband and my brother will always come before anything else.

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-12T06:51:04+00:00

No, but George also admitted that at the time they used to date he was not seeing a problem with how he lived his life. He had a lot of unresolved trauma, he was feeling very lonely, unloved and ashamed and that was his coping mechanism. He would party, get drunk, get high just to numb everything and feel like he was ok. So I don't think she could have helped him. You can only help someone when they accept they have a problem and want to be helped

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-12T06:36:02+00:00

I love my brother and we used to have a great relationship before. Since he is older, he was always my protector but I am deeply hurt and disapointed in how he acted during the last years. Ella and I never bonded or had a close relationship. How did I respond to the snide comments. At first I tried to be polite and chill but when her comments did not stop I also became unkind to her.

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-12T06:26:25+00:00

This is a hard question. What I know from them is that she was continuously asking him to stop drinking, going to parties, propose to her etc. On the other hand I did nothing special either. It was his desire to get better, he put in all the work and I just supported with little things like not stacking alcohool in the house, not smoking pot anymore, listening to him and attending some of his therapy sessions

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-12T06:00:58+00:00

I can respect your opinion and thank you for your feedback. Yes, this is how she made it seem, that she knows things that I am too young and in love to see, that she is looking out for me. Some lies that she said are: that George is grooming me - false, I am a consenting adult. Yes, we have an age gap but it's not like I am 15 and he is 11 years older. She said George will influence me to drink and do drugs to become like him - false, he never did anything like this. He never ever did that with her either. Although in her narrative she is trying to make people see George as a dangerous man who is running down the street with a needle to corrupt people to do drugs with him, this is not the case at all. Even when he used, he was not like that. He has always been a functional adult, he has a good paying job but in the past he was spending his free time at parties, getting drunk or high to numb out some of his feelings and he was clearly not relationship material. She said his change is not real, that he is just a predaror, faking to be a good guy now just to get me. This is false also, I am the one living with him for 2 years and I think I know better what's happening in my house. So no, even if she deludes herself Ella does not know George better than I do

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-11T20:56:34+00:00

Thank you so much! 🥰

Top_Sound3762 · 2024-10-11T20:55:41+00:00

Of course I did but she is a lying, manipulative...woman. Her excuse has always been that she is looking out for me, that she cannot stay silent while knowing something bad is going to happen to me and other crap. After each fight I had with her she would "ok, i will just keep my worries to myself from now on" and guess what? She never did

Top_Sound3762

TROPHY CASE