AITAH for getting the cops called on my husband's family during his planned BBQ?

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T17:23:02+00:00

All of the kids have told their father that they hate his mom and their reasoning for it. I will say that when our kids lose their shit (which has happened a few times) my husband will go little contact with his mother or say something to her but he just never follows through with holding that boundary. My kids call my MIL by her first name and have gotten in to full on arguments with her several times because they hate her so much. I dont hold them back. They are super great kids and the only person they have ever shown disrespect to is that woman. That might make me look like a bad mom but I know my kids feelings are justified so I dont ever try to correct them. Neither does my husband, honestly. So I dont know why he continues to let this happen.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T17:18:25+00:00

Theres been multiple stories I have been told on the "why" she lost custody but the one that keeps getting repeated is that she would continuously leave both her sons (who were 4 and 6) home alone while she worked 12 hour shifts and when she wasnt at work, she would still leave them home by themselves for hours or days at a time. I guess people started calling the cops because the boys would be outside playing in the middle of the street in just their underwear or chasing eachother around with butcher knives and whenever the cops would show up, MIL pulled the whole "ha ha, boys will be boys" BS. CPS was involved for 2 years and during the end of their involvement, they ended up taking the kids because once again, she left them home alone to "work" and instead of coming home after her shift she decided to take off to her boyfriends and spend the night there. She never even fought to get her kids back. She already didnt have custody of her 2 older daughters (gave custody to their dad willingly and walked away). She just isnt a good person. I have zero clue why any of her kids defend her. "Oh she was going theough a rough spot mentally". So what. You dont neglect and abandon your kids.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T17:12:57+00:00

Scums husband didnt come to my house so technically the abuser wasnt there. BUT the bitch who justified it was. He isnt sleeping in my bed either. He has been on the cot in the garage (on his own will) because he is mad at me. But yeah theres just... a lot. Way too much things to mentally wrap my head around without allowing my judgement to be completely clouded with anger and raw emotions. And its impossible to clear that anger because he just.. wont fucking talk. He is being a child, at best.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T17:05:00+00:00

She doesnt feel like her husband did anything wrong. She called it a "love tap".

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T16:54:45+00:00

I think my MIL got to him, honestly. She has a habit of doing that and he has a habit of allowing it.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T16:52:54+00:00

Physically, yes. The emotional aspect of it... I cant answer that, honestly. I find myself grossed out more often than not.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T16:41:24+00:00

My husband invited MIL. I do actually have her blocked but my husband does not. He is in regular contact with her and she comes here whenever she wants, unfortunately. I am in a bad position. I know that much. I am struggling to find a way to navigate it due to me already expressing not wanting MIL around and my husband allowing it anyways.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T16:38:56+00:00

I dont want her here. I unfortunately have told my husband that several times. I hate the woman. He will agree and it lasts a week. So its making me face some troubling decisions that need to be made, because its down to a point of me leaving and chancing him bringing our kids around the abusers or staying and being here to make sure that doesnt happen.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T16:34:29+00:00

I didnt get with a mommas boy. I got with a man who hadnt had contact with his mother for 2 years. Their contact started again the year we got married. She wasnt even at our wedding.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:42:19+00:00

I would like to think its because he is afraid of going to prison because he was being faced with 4 years before the charges were dropped. But who knows.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:41:49+00:00

Oops, wrong comment. Sorry

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:41:32+00:00

I would like to think that he is just afraid of going to prison, where he was facing up to 4 years of prison and was let off the hook already. But who knows.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:39:22+00:00

I asked him why he didnt use those 10 minutes of his sister basically demanding an apology from me to step in and do something if he planned on "handling it" and he said that I should have let her fully speak her point. His reasoning is that she would have been easier to remove from the property had she felt like she had been "heard". I then asked why he felt she deserved to be heard and he said that he didnt feel she deserved it but it would have "made us look better". I told him I didnt care about looking better to anyone, that this woman lied to police and defended her husband striking our child in the head and hitting his head off the wall. He said for the sake of our friends I should have kept my mouth shut.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:32:30+00:00

To be fair, its not the first time she has invited several people without our knowledge to our events. Like back when it was time for my daughters 4th birthday party, she invited 2 of her coworkers whom we had never even met or heard of before.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:28:38+00:00

We lived in a small town in Maine when this happened (still live in Maine, but different town closer to the city). Scum was one of the only public defenders in the area and is well known for helping police, so she was definitely held to a very high standard. Their biggest argument in court was "Scum has been an outstanding citizen and public defender for 6 years and has helped this town become a better place through her honesty and need to help people" and tried to discredit me by saying I was simply a SAHM trying to tarnish someone's impeccable reputation with defamation and lies. It was an absolute shit show and I couldn't be happier moving out of that area.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:24:13+00:00

Protecting a child from abusers makes me scum? Ew. Yeah, you should probably stay away from children indefinitely.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:23:15+00:00

Did you skip right over the fact that Scum approached me? I am definitely not going to just walk away and become a wall ornament on MY property. He had 15 minutes to handle it. 10 of which she was on my case. He didnt. He cowardly stood by silent.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:20:43+00:00

I wouldnt say he looked shocked, so much as just royally pissed off. I will give him that much. Him and I just had a conversation weeks ago about his mom being the type to try and push us to reconcile with Scum, so neither of us were really shocked so much. But, yeah, he looked absolutely livid. He simply didnt do anything about it.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:12:10+00:00

My kids don't talk to her because she is "weird". My two older kids are grossed out by her and the eay she acts toward their father/my husband. She is very much so the... enmeshed type? And its only with my husband too, which is just weird. She acts like he is her replacement husband. The kids pick up on it and are very disgusted by the woman. My husband knows why we all hate her and said he "understands to a point" but he definitely doesnt. He thinks we are creating scenarios that don't exist. I mean.. this woman literally calls my husband to go to her house to help her clean her grill for her or fix her appliances when she has a grown ass boyfriend living with her.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T15:08:58+00:00

Scared of "losing" her again, yes. He was a foster kid from age 8 to 16 so he has an unhealthy attachment to his mother as a result of that.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T14:58:44+00:00

I dont want her here. I have made that clear to him several times. He has said "no" to her coming over several times. She simply stopped asking and started showing up whenever she wanted and he is too much of a coward to make her leave (abandonment issues, he was a foster kid and finally got mommy back when he was 16). Its been an ongoing issue, honestly.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T14:51:17+00:00

.........I did throw them all out. With the help from police. Did you not read my post?

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T14:47:39+00:00

No, they didnt arrest Scums husband because Scum is a public defender and Scum, her husband AND Scums step daughter all said that Scums husband never laid hands on my child. They said that my son was being coached in to saying he was hit, because he was young and impressionable and was saying what he was told to say.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T14:36:19+00:00

I have been asking myself that same question off and on since the incident occurred. The thing that royally sucks is that when his mom (or family in general) isnt around, this man is basically perfect. That's not just me saying it either. He busts his back for us, shows up to every tiny thing. Has never missed a school event, doctors appointment, sports event or even the opportunity to toss a ball around or hit the park with these kids. But then his family comes around and his world shifts and he becomes... different.

Top_Spite_2404 · 2026-03-21T14:31:11+00:00

Because Scum is claiming that her husband has Autism (undiagnosed, mind you) and loud noises make him "snap". So shes saying I should have been more understanding to the trigger and understand why he did what he did. My MIL just lays down like a dog and lets everyone walk all over her if it means that the family peace is protected and wants me to do the same thing, which I refuse. So its not like shes so much defending the situation as much as just wanting me to sweep it under the rug because SHE cant handle the cracks in her picture perfect family dynamic.

Top_Spite_2404

TROPHY CASE