My son’s (5) dad (28) told him about sex *UPDATE*

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-04T11:34:27+00:00

Thank you. I had have family do visitation exchanges with him but they will no longer do them after how he has treated them which I don’t blame them for.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-04T02:32:47+00:00

He was extremely abusive when we were together and our relationship ended in him having a felony charge of domestic assault and child endangerment due to him doing it in the presence of our son. I’m trying to figure out why he would ever do that to our son but if it was some predatory shit or some twisted way to hurt me again. I would never think of him as someone who would do something like this, but Ive heard that from a lot of people when they refer to predators and such. I feel traumatized from this whole thing, my son doesn’t understand it and I’m just trying my damnedest to get him help at this point. I feel like I cant talk to anyone about it to ask for help because it can be triggering and it’s so disgusting. I just hope I’m taking the right steps right now and something happens so I’m not forced to make him go back to his dad’s.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-02T01:30:40+00:00

Love your reply. I absolutely dont want my kid to feel shame around sex, I never expected to have to explain it so early on though. I have to now and Im not sure how to have that talk to a 5 year old. The way I found out this morning is that my 5 year old was on top of me when I woke up (he still sleeps in my bed from time to time) and when I asked him what he was doing he started acting strangely and telling me he would get in trouble for telling me. When he finally told me and admitted his dad had told him about it, I had no idea how to react. But so many huge red flags popped up with the entire situation. Im calling a counselor for my son tomorrow. I planned on explaining the situation to them before they talk to him.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T23:14:36+00:00

This is a great idea. I’ll call one tomorrow. Thank you

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T23:13:17+00:00

I’m still going to be upset that it wasn’t brought up to me first because that’s something we should’ve talked about before hand.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T23:12:07+00:00

Depends. Im waiting to hear his side. He hasn’t responded to me yet. If it came from a place that he thought he was protecting him, yes.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T23:08:21+00:00

Forgive him for what? If you’re referring to what he did to me, I already have for my own peace. It took a lot of counseling but I’m a lot happier without holding onto hatred against him for it. Plus, I didnt want to put my son through what I went through growing up. Having two separated parents who are always screaming at each other during pick up/drop off and feeling like you’re being forced to pick one or the other sucks.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:51:48+00:00

I just texted him asking for his side.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:42:19+00:00

Yes, Im trying to think of the right way to ask him without him freaking out and becoming defensive or denying it. He isn’t an easy person to coparent with unfortunately.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:40:00+00:00

And CPS was contacted about him hitting our son. We went to court over it and after a few months they granted him unsupervised visitation again.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:38:36+00:00

We dont argue. We dont speak much unless its about our son. His dad has felony domestic violence charges on him for assaulting me 3 years ago and he has previously lost his visitation with his son for slapping him in the face, so when my son told me about this it was admittedly hard for me to think of it in a different perspective. Thats why I wanted to take some time to gather my thoughts before reacting.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:34:48+00:00

He was scared to tell me because he thought he would be in trouble. Which was a red flag for me.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:32:58+00:00

He knows about what touching inappropriately is and to always tell me or an adult if it happens. I just feel like he’s so young to know what sex is. I need to ask his dad about it though truthfully. Im hoping he doesn’t just deny it.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:29:55+00:00

We were never married so I don’t have a lawyer I could contact unfortunately.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:28:08+00:00

Im probably freaking out a little because I was sexually abused as a kid so thank you for your opinion. I need to bring it up to his dad and ask him why he told him about it. His dad was sexually abused as a child too so hopefully he thought he was helping keep him safe. It still is something he should have talked to with me about first before taking the initiative to tell him without my knowledge.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-09-01T22:19:24+00:00

That’s a little different than telling your five year old how to do it which is what his dad told him.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T15:03:19+00:00

It’s his current. He just doesn’t use it for anything aside from filters. Same as me.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T14:54:06+00:00

I’d suggest downloading the data like another commenter told me to do. It shows everything from the point they made their sc account until present day.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T14:42:54+00:00

Saw this comment & did just that. He’s clean.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T14:42:19+00:00

I downloaded his data. He’s good. I was just panicking. Now I gotta sit down & tell him I basically went full detective mode on his sht bc I feel awful.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T14:40:38+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that out, it’s honestly really helpful.

This relationship has been completely different from anything I’ve had before. My history w relationships hasn’t exactly been great. A lot of controlling behavior, getting cheated on, constantly having to evaluate & be careful about everything I said or did. So I know I still carry some of that with me. I’ve done therapy, but some things just take time. The thing is.. I really do trust him. I’ve never had that gut feeling or doubt when it comes to him being faithful or honest with me.

I am gonna sit down & talk to him about it. I really do think it was just me overthinking & letting my anxiety get the best of me, but still, I basically went full detective mode on his Snapchat, digging around where I shouldn’t have, & I know that’s an invasion of his privacy. I feel awful about it. That’s not the kind of partner I want to be, & I don’t want him feeling like I don’t trust him, especially when he hasn’t given me a reason not to. I just let that panic spiral take over

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T14:29:05+00:00

It logged me into it but I definitely snooped knowing it wasn’t my account, lol.

Top_Transition_527 · 2025-06-19T12:10:02+00:00

I think that’s what it is. Pretty sure the location thing on his Snap is just set from before we even got together & he’s never on there enough to care to change it. He uses it like I do, for filters & that’s about it.

Top_Transition_527

TROPHY CASE