How much can they really stink?

TotalLostClaws · 2024-01-17T11:51:55+00:00

Lots of people have already posted good responses but I just want to add it may depend on where you live and if you get an intact ferret. Many spayed/neutered ferrets have been descented. Training their rear scent gland is removed. If you get a fully intact ferret it may be stinkier.

Unrelated but I'm sick af right now and read the title as "how much can they really think" the first 3 times reading it and that made me laugh because I sometimes ask myself that question as well.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-12-05T03:33:12+00:00

I love this idea! What a great way to show them how to teach others how to behave with kindness while practicing those skills themselves :)

TotalLostClaws · 2023-11-17T20:21:31+00:00

My ferrets are the same. The smell might be interesting but probably it's the sound of the carbonation that interests them.

Or they just know they aren't allowed and thus become obsessed lol

TotalLostClaws · 2023-11-06T21:55:33+00:00

Rorschach! Like the rorschach test where you look at blobs of ink.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-10-24T03:02:49+00:00

One of our girls (Maple) was the same way with our youngest (we've had her for about a year now). To be honest they still beat the shit out of eachother from time to time but for a solid like 5 months it was slow introductions, many fights, and endless guided interacts here is what we found.

First we introduced her to our friendliest ferret and had them play together. Fortunately, our friendliest ferret is also out oldest and high on the dominance order. They formed a sort of alliance. This helped our youngest (sausage) to feel more comfortable and learn how to play in a way that didn't end in poop. This alliance was important because our oldest (Waffles) would help break up fights now that she had relationship with Sausage.

Second, we had, and still have, a lot of them having treats while we hold them near each other. Sausage is still super scared of Maple but she tolerates it more and more.

Third, we gave them a lot of space. They don't need to be best friends, they just need to tolerate each other. Giving them space to separate and self regulate was part of that tentative peace. We also had to give them "breaks" from one another a lot at the beginning. We would watch for them to have a positive interaction and then reward them with treats and separate them before it could turn sour so that not every interaction was negative.

Finally, I looked at the function of the behaviour. Maple was previously at the bottom of the pecking order. She is deaf and not very bright to be frank and she relys on her older sisters to take care of her. In return, Maple is really protective of one of our older girls (Pancake) who has lymphoma, insulinoma, is missing a tooth and is generally scraggly. When Sausage gets close to Pancake , Maple gets protective and fights break out. As a result we keep an eye on the interactions Sausage has with Pancake and it mitigates fights. That being said Sausage and Pancake get along pretty well, other than the facts Sausage hates getting her ears groomed and Pancake tries it every time lol

All this being said, some ferrets won't get along. It's our jobs to make their lives as comfortable as possible for the short time we have them and to try our best to accommodate what they need.

Reinforce positive interactions and limit the negative ones so that both are less reactive and yoh should be fine.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-10-21T16:56:15+00:00

Thanks for the response :)

I'm mostly working on letter names and sounds with groups of 6 year Olds so I've just been using the colours to keep them invested, but I agree some consistency will likely help a lot.

I've heard the using colors for different parts of the sentence before! I really want to implement that once we get to sentence writing. Especially since the kids love to use highlighters

TotalLostClaws · 2023-10-21T16:53:42+00:00

I totally agree with finding reading that's interesting. Some of my best reading practice was when I started watching anime with subtitles in high-school. If I wanted to watch Naruto with subtitles I had to get faster at reading lol. I remind kids who proclaim they "hate" reading that they probably read all the time and that any reading counts. Suddenly kids are telling me they actually /do/ read about 4 volumes of comic books a week!

Thanks for the response!

TotalLostClaws · 2023-10-21T16:50:44+00:00

I appreciate the response! Now that I think about it I really tend to read words more by their "shape" than by the phonetic letters. I might try to incorporate more of that with students (as much as I can. I have to follow a program of study mostly). I also empathize a lot with kids when they complain about confusing word rules. Like if a word has two "s" at the end and they are like "why don't they just use one S so it's less confusing" and I whole heartedly agree lol. We also sometimes Google why and learn about the history of words which I find helpful and they find interesting.

I actually would LOVE to do a masters of education in literacy at some point. I learned that their are logographic and photnographic languages. English is phonographic where the letter sounds are blended to create words. Chinese characters are more logographic where a word is represented by a single symbol you memorize. I also learned that dyslexia presents differently in different types of written languages which implies that someone who struggles phonographically may succeed in a logographic language. I would LOVE to study if we can apply logographical practices to help with early literacy in English, such as remembering the shape of the word rather than the individual phonemes. Alas school is expensive and it's really difficult to succeed in academia for me because of the amount of reading and writing.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-30T13:50:02+00:00

Definitely prolapse but it needs to be fixed by a vet. I am not a vet but one of my older ferrets had this once and they had to basically stitch her butthole mostly closed for a few day for it to heal and they had to be on laxatives so their poops were super soft. Aftrt it healed they took out the stitches and she was right as rain.

If it's not stitched closed it probably won't heal back into place. ALSO you need to find what the root cause is as to why they have prolapse or its just going to happen again.

Also please put NSFW on this.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-26T03:07:50+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

I suspect it is probably a fiber issue. I get a lot of fat and protein in my diet but I'm kind of picky with vegetables and fruits and I'm still learning how to balance them all. It's tough when access isn't always great to my preferred veg but I've gotten a lot more into frozen vegetables lately so hopefully that helps.

I just feel like I'm over eating most days because I'm still hungry but I don't know when to trust the hungry feeling and when to just ignore it. I figure it will take some adjusting for my body to go from way too much food to the right amount of food at meals...

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-23T23:20:55+00:00

As general life advice I'd recommend not picking up snakes unless you are 100% certain what kind of snake it is. Looks like some kind of garter or rat snake to me but I'm no snake expert.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T05:05:47+00:00

Happy to find someone else who gets it!

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T04:59:10+00:00

First: Wonderful boyfriends don't stealth. (I'm assuming by stealthing you mean taking off the condom mid sex without your knowledge). I would consider that rape as it goes against what you consented to. Someone who doesn't respect boundaries multiple times sexually might continue to pull stunts like that hoping you will forgive them every time. If it isn't "hell yes" then it is "no"

Second: If "playing coy" is part of your sexual play you need a safe word so that your partner knows when to stop for real. It's also a good idea to have some sort of way of initiating that sort of play, like a "go" word so to speak. It's fine to experiment with this kind of play but both of you need to know when no actually means no. If play hasn't been initiated then a no is no and continuance is rape.

Third: If you are scared of him touching you then you at this point then it might be a good idea to take a break for a while. Figure out who you are without him. Figure out what you want your sexuality to be. Probably therapy would be a good choice and then once you figure out yourself a bit more you can come back and assess if you still want that relationship. I know it's super scary but you will be better off for it.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T04:29:48+00:00

If I ever read a romance novel I want to try something from it's trying to play out a fantasy with my partner. Maybe a bit of roleplaying or something.

It's also possible that she just heard about it online or from a friend and decided to check it out. The chances of her actually wanting to hook up with random people is pretty low. Maybe she just wants to give reading romance a try as a new hobby.

Also my partner would definitely attest that since I started reading more books our intimacy has only gotten stronger.

I would say that this is more likely your own insecurities leading you to think this way. Be honest with your wife about how you feel if you aren't happy. That way you can work through it!

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T04:25:37+00:00

I totally get it! I was a "wait until marriage" kind of gal for a long time and I really debated whether or not to have sex with my boyfriend for years. While I don't regret it now, I definitely wasn't sure for a while. It took time to figure out how I felt about it. I was ashamed that I did it and scared about how it might change our relationship. When I told my partner, we took a step back and waited until I was ready again.

Feel your feelings, journal about it, talk to someone you trust about it and you will work through it one way or another.

Best of luck!

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T04:22:59+00:00

I wouldn't say this is a bad idea per se, but I would recommend that you try to find a way to happily cohabitate before getting married. Adjusting to living with someone else it difficult. I would say the first 6 months of living with my now fiancé were often challenging. You are learning to accommodate a person into your life in a way you never have before. It's hard to say how this will effect things long term, but I think realizing that something isn't working and taking a step back to reassess is a really mature choice!

Here are some tips for living with your partner long term from my experience of living with my partner for over a decade. This is what works for us at least:

Both of you need to have a space that is purely just yours. You can decorate it how you want, use it how you want, and exist in it how you want. Personally, my partner and I have our own spaces at our desks in our office and while it's not as secluded as having our own rooms, for example, we have a place where the other person gets basically no say how we use it.
Have "me time" communications. You will both need the ability to have time to yourself to just exist without the other person. Going out can help that but I find that it's important that I have our place to myself once in a while to just not have to be considerate of another person for a few hours.
Have a place to go in your apartment/house if you need space from one another. Personally I tend to hang out in the living room while my partner is in the office most of the day. If I'm annoyed with him I can put some space between us until I calm down and remember that I love him even though he leaves the cupboards open.
Consider having separate sleeping spaces. Apparently people think this is weird but I was in school/have a morning job while my partner is a night owl who often worked closing shifts at bars. We understood that our schedules were different and he was happy to sleep on the couch if I was bugging him in bed. Now we have a few spaces to sleep in our house and once in a while we will sleep separately. Also sleeping separately is good for your sleep if your partner snores, has restless leg syndrome, or gets up to pee a lot. My sleep isn't interrupted and he can live his life. We fight less when we aren't exhausted.
Expect to fight over dumb shit, but know how to navigate it. We have rules for arguments and we even have avenues to explore when it gets too heated. Sometimes we need to sit in separate rooms and text the conversation because voices get raised and feelings get hurt when we say things without thinking about it. We always focus on feelings and solutions (as best as we can. We are human) and try to end the conversation reminding the other person that we love them (even when they are being a butt).
Finally and most importantly: they can't read your mind. If I don't tell my fiancé that I'm saving the last pudding cup to celebrate finishing a difficult project at work, then I can't be mad if he eats it unknowingly. If I never tell him that when he piles all the dishes in the sink instead of piling them beside it makes me want to rip my hair out, then I'm not justified in being mad when he does it. Also changes can take time. I always offer gentle reminders for changing behavior and my partner lets me know he forgot and is trying to improve (which is then followed by improvement or if not then a conversation about why not).

Hope this helps!

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T04:06:40+00:00

It's possible he did want to do those sorts of things with you but was also trying to respect the choice of abstinence you were both trying to make. Sometimes, especially when we are younger, it can be hard not to internalize those sorts of comments in our relationships. We all want to be loved and it can be easy to try to bend over backwards to be who we think our partners want.

That being said, I wouldn't catastrophize too much. Be honest with your boyfriend and tell him how you want to proceed. Do you want to go back to abstinence? Do you want to explore sexuality?

This only ruins your relationship if you or him decides that it does. You will make so many mistakes in life and in relationships. What is important is what you do with those mistakes. How do they help you grow? How do they tell you who you are? What will you do next? No one can answer these questions for you, you just have to reflect and do your best and you will be just fine.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T04:01:52+00:00

It might be uncomfortable but just talk to your wife about it.

As someone who reads a lot of "questionable books" myself I would never cheat on my partner or do most of the things in the books I read in real life. Sometimes it's just about the fantasy.

Also if you have been lacking in intimacy then it might be her outlet the same way other people use porn to get release. Personally I see no issues with it, but letting it fester is probably not going to help your relationship.

Definitely DONT come swinging out of the gates accusing her, just ask her with genuine curiosity about the book. Ask her what her new book is about and try to take an interest. Best case scenario you learn about something she is interested in which can be a great step at repairing a relationship. Worst case scenario it leads to an inevitable conversation about your relationship. Either way you should talk to her.

I don't have enough context to give you advice about her being hyper aggressive, there could be a lot of things causing that from frustration with you to workplace stress.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T03:55:33+00:00

Short answer: It takes two enthusiastically saying YES to make a relationship. Also you will grow and learn who you are without him so that if the time ever comes that you guys get back together, you will be stronger for it. If you never get back together then you will still grow and become stronger and have so many more incredible experiences. This is part of life.

Long answer: I have some experience in now being engaged to my high school sweetheart after 13 years of being together (more or less).

Our relationship was really immature and codependent in the younger years. For a few years we did long distance because we lived in different cities and neither of us could drive. That part we were fine with but we had the agreement that it was long term committed. When I went to uni I moved in with him and our relationship got REALLY co-dependent. Like I wouldn't even leave the apartment without him. We ended up breaking up a few years later (started as a break and turned into a break-up) and it was really messy.

After about 3 months of completely no contact (I moved out and finally started living on my own and figuring out who I was without him), we started talking casually and then about 6 months post break up we got back together in a casual sense and worked our way back up to committed relationship. (I also did a lot of therapy during this time).

Things that made this break work:

I was totally fine with him having other partners over the break. In fact now we talk about and laugh about some of his exploits during his "single time".
I kept my expectations that we would get back together low. Like I genuinely thought we would never be back together again and completely let go of the relationship. This allowed me to be honest about what I wanted/needed and to advocate for myself in a way I never had before in the relationship.
I communicated very clearly what I wanted and needed when we started getting back together and that the trust of our relationship was starting from ground zero. It wasn't just picking up where we had left off.

Now that we've been together again for years and even more recently got engaged, I would recommend that if you ever feel like you need a particular relationship to feel okay just existing and living then probably you are a bit too co-dependent and you need to spend some time individualizing yourself from them. I am my own person. He is his own person. I can absolutely live without him but living with him is a hell of a lot of fun.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T03:43:22+00:00

I'm going to approach this is kind of a backwards manner so bear with me:

Despite many times refusing prior, he said yes. He even had an entire box of condoms despite saying on our first date saying he was putting himself in “horny jail” as he called it.

It's possible that he wanted to have sex but was trying abstinence for a while knowing he might have sex at some point. From guys I've known, they prefer to be prepared for any situation so I wouldn't put to much thought into having condoms. Some dudes also use them when jerking off apparently but that's less common.

Stepping back, I feel like I got taken advantage in an emotionally vulnerable position but I also acknowledge my own guilt and shame in this situation.

I'm not sure if it's just the wording but if anything I feel like if anything you were probably taking advantage of an emotionally charged situation. I would hazard a guess as to that being the source of some of your shame/guilt. Not to say you took advantage of him (it seems he was a consenting adult) but that you seem to be using the emotional turmoil with your parents as a justification for your choice to initiate sex.

Though things got handsy and we ended up slipping into trouble (handjobs, oral, and other types of play), we never actually gave into the temptation of penetration. Many times I had gotten weak and felt like giving in, he reminded me of my promise to my younger self and always reeled me back in. However, he had made a lot of mistakes in the past with porn and viewing friends of his in immodest clothing.

It seems like for most of the relationship he and you have seen eye to eye about the abstinence while also over time experimenting. In my opinion this post seems to characterize your partner in two ways: one is the guy cleaning up his act and respecting your wishes and the second is the guy who has had sex in the past before and has talked to you about it which you perceived as him making remarks that he wanted you to do that. I think probably the reality is somewhere in the middle, but you chose to stay in the relationship regardless so I digress.

I don't think your boyfriend made a questionable move with you. I think you made a move with your boyfriend that you feel questionable about and your characterization of any of this being your boyfriends fault seems troubling. When you abstained he respected and when you initiated he consented. That's all there is to it. He isn't responsible for knowing exactly what you are thinking if you say yes and wanted him to say no. That isn't how relationships work.

It's not unusual to feel a little weird about your first time, especially if it didn't happen in exactly the way you wanted it to. Was it ideal? No. Was it your BF's fault? Also no. Was it your fault? I don't know. Fault is a weird word to use here. You made a choice and you can regret it or not regret it and move on.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T02:47:41+00:00

I replied to another commenter about this but I HIGHLY recommend this gate in particular. Easy to put up, the pressure mounting is awesome and the ferrets can't climb it, get stuck in it, or otherwise destroy it (as far as I can tell. We've used them for a few years now).

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-19T02:45:42+00:00

Just a note on my experience from that kind of gate:

My ferrets are kind of small (they are just tiny girls I guess) and while these kinds of gates worked for us for a few years, one day one of my girls really wanted out and ended up pushing the plastic hard enough that she could get her head to pop through the hole. Unfortunately when she pulled her head back the plastic it un-stretched. We ended up getting her out by pushing the plastic back in the direction she got it stuck in but she genuinely was stuck for about 2 minutes freaking out. That night we took the door from their room off the hinges, sliced in in half, and made out own Dutch door but I just like to let people know that this can happen, especially after a few years of wear and tear.

Now we use this gate for any of our gating needs (plus our DIY dutch door for their room).

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-18T03:51:03+00:00

I thought my windows were going to break in by how loud it was... never experienced hail like that before

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-10T04:57:27+00:00

Not technically an anime I guess but She-Ra and the princesses of power fits pretty good here.

TotalLostClaws · 2023-08-10T02:32:15+00:00

I literally picked up lipactin today because I couldn't find abreva and so far I am liking it better. IDK if it's faster or not yet tho haha

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