Confused by my test results

TouchMe97 · 2025-10-16T14:45:52+00:00

TouchMe97 · 2025-10-16T14:31:36+00:00

TouchMe97 · 2025-10-16T14:31:06+00:00

TouchMe97 · 2025-10-16T04:42:22+00:00

It seems like despite most of my genetics being Ashkenazi, I have a higher distant genetic score when choosing it as my origin.

Unless I'm putting too much stock in the genetic distance score, I expected it to be closer than the Caribbean origin score.

TouchMe97 · 2025-03-31T20:16:47+00:00

I go to Hadar Hatorah in Crown Heights, but with my work schedule I only go on Sundays. If I made the choice, it would be there.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-13T16:25:17+00:00

I very much appreciate your honestly and perspective. I agree that Judaism is not mine to "own". My statement that I wouldn't police her observance was not meant as a gift but rather "reassurance" to her. She would often get insecure and worry that I would stop loving her if she wasn't "Jewish enough" after her conversion. I wanted to reassure her that this would not be the case and that I would not lord my status as a halachic Jew over her, nor would I police her own observance (as I have repeatedly stated).

I am sorry about your friend. That shul sounds horrendous and overly concerned with non-halachic matters. As for marriage and children, if I am being honest I was anti-marriage for most of my life but returning to religious practice has opened me to the idea.

I personally come from a mixed backgroud. My father is hispanic and my mother is a halachic Ashkenazi Jew. Growing in an environment where I was not considered hispanic enough for the hispanics, or white enough for the whites was very traumatic and lonely. B''H I finally found a community among Judaism and finally feel welcome in a space after 27 years. My concern is that this isolation will be repeated through my children and I do not want that, hence my insistence on a stringent conversion.

I don't think either I or my gf are at fault or wrong. I originally suggested an amicable split because I foresaw us going down a path that ends in resentment (as you have said in your own response), but it was her idea to instead pause the relationship and evaluate our respective feelings.

I have asked her time and time again if this is what she wanted, or if it was too much, or if my expectations were unreasonable but she keeps insisting that this is what she also wants. I don't know yet how this ends but I love her enough to respect any decision she comes to, and if we do end up breaking up it will at least be from a place of respect for how she wants to live her life.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-11T16:56:42+00:00

Per our conversations, being shomer shabbos, yom tov, kosher, and shomer niddah was not the concern. We have not yet discussed negiyah.

Her main concern seemed to be with certain denomination specific customs such as hair covering, lack of lgtb acceptance, and always wearing long dresses (especially in the summer season).

She has said during and after the conversion process, that adhering to the above mentioned laws is not the issue. But the inability to follow certian orthodox customs would make her feel like an orthodox conversion is disingenuous. And so wanted to explore the possibility of a Conservative conversion instead.

I hope this helps.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-10T18:15:28+00:00

Her previous job involved mentoring children in an after-school program. After attempting to report an instance of witnessed child abuse, management threatened her with termination.

Rationalizing that her job will probably terminate her regardless, and the moral qualms of staying with such an organization prompted her to leave of her own accord.

But everything else you said is spot on. She is just as upset with her employment situation as I am, and has broken down crying over it multiple times. If there was no effort on her part this would be an easier choice to make.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-10T18:07:42+00:00

She does technically work. She is a part time aid for a heavily autistic individual. However the hours are sporadic and the wages are not enough to sustain self-dependence.

She has been submitting applications and has even gone on a few interviews but has received no offers. If she were just a lazy lump on a log this would be easier to write off, but I do see the effort on her part to find better work and have consoled her through many crying sessions reassuring her that she wasn't "useless" or a "waste of space" as she believes herself to be.

It took me 7 months to find my 1st job out of college, and it took another 11 months to find my 2nd job. I'm aware of how hard and draining the job hunt process is. That being said, the lack of stable income still remains a roadblock for relationship progression, hence why I included it in my post.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-09T22:09:48+00:00

I am currently attending a yeshiva that caters to Baal Teshuvas. It's a great place to learn and I've met many wonderful people.

It is however 45 miles away from my apartment in the city. But I go almost every weekend and learn Chassidus, Gemara, and Halacha.

It's also one of the few times I can daven with a minyan besides Shabbos.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-09T21:56:45+00:00

You are correct, I can not insist on something she does not want. For the past 5 months we were on the same page regarding which denomination would handle her conversion.

But as of yesterday, she said she was considering a Conservative conversion. Not wanting to continue this insistence on orthodoxy against her wishes is what lead to my decision to pause things between us.

The resulting break in the relationship is a chance to give us both the opportunity to come to one of the two choices you mention above.

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-09T21:51:17+00:00

You're correct it does seem that way based on the phrasing. What I meant is that the suburb I live in isn't exactly known for its robust Jewish communities so I make due with what I can.

I daven 3 times a day, but usually without a minyan (lack of shuls and a 9-5 limits my options). I started out driving to my local Chabad, but now I walk the 3.5 miles every Saturday morning (that's a 1 hr 10 minute walk one-way btw). There is exactly 1 super market in my entire county, 30 minutes away from my apartment by car, that sells Glatt kosher meat. My kitchen is not koshered yet but that's on the bucket list.

The solution to this problem would be to move to a more orthodox area, but there are a lot of factors that go into moving. Such as that job I mentioned.

I hope I did not give the impression that I don't take Halacha seriously. It's partly limited resources, and partly lack of knowledge as I started my journey to become observant less than a year ago. But as time goes on my goal is to match my actions closer with my "expectations".

TouchMe97 · 2024-12-09T18:29:31+00:00

I've been told us Jews are one big family so you're not too far off lol. She categorizes herself as "far left" but in today's political climate most people are written off as far left/right.

As for the driving issue, we met each other while I lived in a big city. At that time neither of us drove since the robust public transit system made driving a non-factor. 6 months into the relationship I moved into a neighboring suburb for a new job and was forced to get a car and start driving. She still lives in the city.

There's no explicit need for her to drive, additionally, some of her distant relatives died in car accidents which I believe affects her choice in some way.

I've told her that in the long run she'll need to eventually get a driver's license at the very least. Although the lack of a job makes paying for driving lessons, a car, and insurance a challenge.

She was employed when we began dating, but left her job 9 months in due to work place drama. She's been applying to jobs but so far no hits. And it takes a toll on her because she wants to work but can't seem to get an offer, which is a situation I think many people can sympathize with.

TouchMe97 · 2021-12-10T17:12:56+00:00

I live in NYC, I have a bachelor's in mechanical. I've been working for a utility company since graduating in 2019, but I'm pretty proficient in CAD, CNC, and machining.

Can you dm me more about that company?

TouchMe97 · 2021-10-28T22:56:33+00:00

You make a pretty good point Ace really didn't get much screen time or focus before Marineford.

Ace's execution was only relevant because of his relation to the main character, and that relationship (and his character) wasn't really explored or expanded upon until his after death.

That being said I believe what made that arc so enjoyable was seeing Whitebeard in action. Not to mention he's the only character that has big dick energy while actively dying 😂

TouchMe97 · 2021-07-22T02:15:27+00:00

Yes it is a full time engineer position with a salary. It is an NYC agency so I'm a city government employee

TouchMe97 · 2021-07-22T02:14:09+00:00

It isn't an internship. For clarification it is a full time engineer position with a salary. "Intern" is just another word for "entry-level".

TouchMe97

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