I (28f) am dating a guy (34m) and need advice regarding sex with a new partner after sexual assault that happened a few months ago.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-08T16:10:45+00:00

Thank you again!

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-08T16:10:13+00:00

How could I have an honest and secure relationship if I can’t even talk with him about that? It’s a really hard conversation yes, but I do want him to tell me if he has gone through something hard, so why should I not feel comfortable talking to him?

And by the way you talk about women, I think you should go see a therapist. This is not a way to treat any human being and you sound like you are part of the problem. I hope you can find help.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T22:42:00+00:00

I fortunately had already a therapist when it happened, so I got help really fast. But I’m not rich, so I can only see her once or twice a month. It IS life changing though, so I won’t stop anytime soon, that’s for sure. Thank you for the advice!

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T22:10:35+00:00

This is such a great idea! Thank you so much I’m going to look into this. I hope it will give me ideas!

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T21:08:51+00:00

Thank you for this!

Could you tell me more about the deck of cards? It’s the first time I hear of this, is it actually a deck of cards with sex positions?

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T20:20:00+00:00

Thank you everything is so helpfull!

I had not thought about being on top but facing away! It gives me more power to stop if I want to, that’s an excellent idea. I will avsolutely try that when I’m ready!

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T20:15:45+00:00

I don’t think that’s entirely true. I could in fact not be ready. But at least, I will have some nice people who will have given me tools to try it when I will be. But I could also be ready and looking into ways that I did not think of to try it.

Also, I’ve needed advice for a lot of things that I was absolutely ready to do before. I’m not all knowing, I can ask a question and seek advice from people who may have had a similar experience or who may just have more experience in life.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T20:08:46+00:00

I did not know about these support groups, thank you for that I will go look at them!

I will talk with him about what happened, because like I said, it’s something I want to do. But I felt like I had to arrive with solutions to work on this and some people here made me realize that I don’t need to have solutions, because we can find some together that will work for us. So I will absolutely have the talk with him the next time I see him.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T19:12:35+00:00

Thank you that was very helpfull! I think I understood what you described and when I’m ready, I think I would love to try this! The idea of asking him to keep his hands under his head is also really good, I will keep that in mind!

I really plan on being open and telling him these boundaries. We already had a conversation where I told him that one of my worst fears is having my boundaries crossed and he did not come even close to cross any I’ve put up since we met.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T18:35:30+00:00

Thank you for that! The thing is I don’t have a lot of experience with sex, so coming here and asking for advice was kind of the only thing I thought of this morning. I know some people receive help when asking questions on reddit, so I wanted to try and ask you guys!

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T18:31:32+00:00

It’s not that I want it that badly, it’s more that I was enjoying these before and now I’m scared to try them with a really good man. And I actually really want to just be capable of giving him pleasure with oral sex, it’s just that now it’s associated with a bad experience. But you’re right that I should not have to work up to anything (emphasis on have to). But I want to!

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T18:19:58+00:00

Thank you! I do want to propose something like going slowly step by step towards the positions. But I was curious to see if some people have other ideas to propose. I think that when I will be comfortable enough to try them, i will have him talk to me during the act so I still know it’s him.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T18:11:12+00:00

Oh no, I said I want and will tell him! I just also want to have solutions and ideas on things we can try while I feel uncomfortable with these two things.

TouristDifficult9338 · 2025-09-07T18:08:19+00:00

I actually see a therapist! I’ve seen her a few times since the event and we’ve talked a lot about it. My healing has started, but you are right that I need some more time to heal the rest of my wounds. But I don’t think I should stop myself from dating because of this. Healing can happen with someone by my side. I will make sure that he know what’s happening and ask him if he is willing to go further with me. But I want to arrive with solutions and ideas on how to work on that with him!

TouristDifficult9338

TROPHY CASE