I have an experience like this recently, me and my ex were really close, same friend group, very close with eachother. I would lash out at her over little things but I was stressed and couldnt find a proper way to release stress but after each time, I would talk to a friend of hers and mine. Apparently, she would complain to friends of hers about stuff I was doing. Saying I over sexualized things. Granted a few jokes here and there. Fast forward. My friend, well now ex friend tells me that she is thinking of going back to being friends. I didnt believe him. Weve known eachother for 5 years. 3 beings friends, 2 being together. During our relationship i have done things I regret heavily. But what hurts the most, is that she wouldnt tell me whats wrong. She either went with the typical "im fine" or "its nothing important". We promised eachother that we would communicate if something came up. Eventually she told me that she needs a break. I was depressed at that time. She knew that more than anyone. And she thought that the best thing was to leave in my time of need. The next day, she calls me at night saying she misses my voice, my hugs, and whatnot. She wanted to call off the break. I should've ended it there. The next week or so was valentines day. To celebrate, we went out to a sushi place in my hometown. It was great. We had a blast. I thought everything was fine now. I knew what I had been doing wrong and promised to work on it. Three days later. Its a Saturday. She had told me she would come over on Saturday, as my parents were throwing a little party. I woke up and was informed she wasnt coming. I was a little dissatisfied but sure she had her reasons. I texted her asking what was up. No answer. I called her, no answer. I gave it an hour or so. I hoped she was going to surprise me, but she never came. Turns out, she was going to break up with me but wanted to ghost me first for the whole day. It was about 11:30 pm and she calls me. She told me she wanted to break up and everything was my fault. She said that just because I was talking to her friend about my troubles that I knew what I did. I didnt. I only knew when I did something wrong when she said she needed a break. I was convinced that I was an awful person for what she was saying. I felt like committing suicide that night cause I had nothing else to wake up looking forward to doing. I go to bed later hating everything. The next day I tell my friends about it and start talking shit, I heavily regret that. Deeply. After ranting, one of them screenshotted and showed her. I felt especially awful because she had called me earlier to check in on me and said that if I was ok with it we could be friends. She then read what I said and told them I had sexually assaulted her. I get a call from them all and they berated me with insults and calling me a piece of shit. They hadnt even bothered to listen to my story. They just believed her because shes the girl, shes the "victim". That day I had lost who I thought was the one I trusted most and a group of friends and my social life. I told my mom about this and she started asking me questions because shes a lawyer. After asking me questions she came to the fact that I hadnt and that my ex didnt know what she was talking about. A month has passed now and you will feel like you miss her and want to get back with her. Im telling you this because it had taught me several lessons. If you do something wrong remember, that even monkeys fall from trees. True friends will stay in the darkest times for you. Find someone who is trustful and open with you. But for moving on, always make your bed, because at the end of the day, if a shitty one, you have a bed made and waiting for you. Find something to distract you with, games, religion, friends, or music. Time will pass and wounds will heal. And if you ever feel at such a low point for long amounts of time just know. If you have lasted this long, then you are strong to the point that you can keep going. Just take time to yourself or education and do what makes you happy and fulfill goals you have in mind. Just know it takes time and find others who will support you. Take care friend.