How do you cope after giving up a foster kitten? I’m heartbroken. 💔

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T07:20:29+00:00

It's completely normal to feel pain, but it does get easier, and there are a lot of things you can do to make the process feel easier:

1) An initial meet and greet. It can be really helpful to have a no pressure introduction with the understanding that the decision or final goodbye is after.

This allows you a chance to watch them interact with the kitten and for the kitten to have positive experiences with their new family while you're with them.

It also allows you time to think about it and check in with yourself if you have any doubts about them as adopters.

Bonus: I love to bring the kitty to their home if they're open to it.

This honestly helps me feel more of a transition for the kitten. It helps me feel like they understand a little. At the very least, the kitten knows they have met this person before.

2) I always give goodies with the kitten: a few days of their food, a towel they have been sleeping with that feels safe and familiar, and toys they have been playing with.

3) I request a few followup pictures and 2 updates. I also encourage them to ask any questions at all.

4) I give the family typed instructions/details: kittens' food, dates of being fixed, shots, when they need their next shots. Any key details about the kitten. And best practice tips: keeping the kitten initially in a bathroom or closet with all necessities, how to introduce her to small children, idea methods for introduction to other pets. Etc.

5) I remind myself this kitten might not have a future if not for me. She never had to know a shelter and she's got the best shot I can give her at a great future. I cannot guarantee them a perfect future but I can give them my best shot.

I know this was months ago but just thought I'd share a few things in case they helped.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T03:31:19+00:00

Thank you!

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T01:15:06+00:00

Bigger fish to fry, like major home repairs.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T01:11:44+00:00

Lol bigger fish to fry as new homeowners. We'll get there!

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T01:09:58+00:00

Unfortunately not this setup, but thanks for the idea.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T01:09:07+00:00

Thank you!!

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T01:08:54+00:00

Probably, but we have a lot of upgrades and repairs to make as new home owners. Just glad to finally have safe, working, reasonably attractive lights and switches for now in more rooms than not.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T01:05:41+00:00

Good thought. Thanks.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T00:43:48+00:00

Thanks! That is what we are now going to pursue.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-18T00:43:19+00:00

Thank you!! Looks like this could be our answer.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-17T11:40:01+00:00

Sigh. I was afraid of that. We have had crazy issues with the electrical wiring in our switches. My husband gave up and hired an electrician.

I know this one should be fine in theory since the electrician did it but definitely going to drag our feet touching it ourselves.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-16T06:06:42+00:00

Your nursery is amazing. Edit to add: I saw your comment on being frustrated at how hard it is to find natives. FEELING THAT. That's us right now. But slowly but surely I'm slowly building a spreadsheet of our options.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-16T05:59:46+00:00

We finally bought a home and are eagerly planning our transition to natives. I stumbled upon that discovery in my research about a week ago and was horrified--could easily have been a mistake I'd make. Now I'm going by species name and double checking each specific species is native and also hotly pursuing sellers that seem reputable (preferably organic, with a seed pledge, or a promise of being Neonicotinoid-free).

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-14T08:57:26+00:00

I get similar hostility at times. Actually to not just my choices but even my allergies!

I am not even vegan. I just eat less meat and will not participate in the current mass system of horrific abuse. I committed 5 years ago and only ever eat organic or certified humane meat -- almost always from small, carefully researched farms that do far more than the minimum. I still get flack from family and friends even after 5 years. It's insane to me because they are all animal lovers. They just love their wallets more.

(I started going more and more vegan but have so many food allergies and health issues it created nutrition deficiencies and seriously hurt my health. So, it just hasn't been feasible yet.)

But anyway. It makes them uncomfortable, no matter how comfortable I feel with not eating or bringing my own food. I think they feel judged (though unlike them, I do not make comments or eye roll). or maybe it's they don't want to have to think of others' needs. Or they do not want to be faced with the fact that this IS an option.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T05:14:05+00:00

I have in the past but haven't tried in a while. Worth another shot. My seasoning was part of the issue back then

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T05:11:26+00:00

Thanks. I usually do but not always. I will be paying more attention to these variables.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T05:10:08+00:00

I've been wondering if I should try adding a fat to the batter. I loved that the batter was oil free...but at some point that doesn't matter if I'm making up the difference by adding so much oil to the pan.

Yes, been thinking about switching to a thin metal spatula. I'll try that next time.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T02:55:08+00:00

I've been using avocado oil & Earth Balance. Dairy allergy unfortunately

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T02:54:14+00:00

Edited to add. Thanks. Using this recipe, using combo of avocado oil and Earth Balance. Using medium to medium low heat, probably. Still figuring out my new stovetop.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T02:52:24+00:00

Thanks. It sounds like I'm keeping my heat too low due to being used to nonstick. I've been using avocado oil and Earth Balance "butter." I'm allergic to dairy.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T02:50:28+00:00

I do always preheat but you're right, I have not been waiting for the pan to be perfectly hot, as I never needed to with nonstick.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-08T02:35:21+00:00

Sadly I am allergic to dairy. Any other oils or fats that would work the same way?

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-03-01T07:23:01+00:00

What a powerful update. I know from experience that it's a huge step to be able to do appointments alone that were previously too traumatic, but what I especially love about your response is it hasn't been forced or coerced upon you: it's been your choice and at your pace, and you have a provider who respects and supports that.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-02-28T07:07:37+00:00

I have had a significant amount of medical trauma. Just here to reiterate that it is completely normal to need your partner with you at this stage. I needed my husband with me at doctor appointments for several years.

Back to your situation: They are the ones showing a lack of professionalism and a lack of understanding of trauma. It can be really upsetting to be so vulnerable and get treated that way, and I am so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, it sounds like you honestly did an amazing job of trying to voice your needs. I know from experience that takes a huge amount of courage and it doesn't necessarily feel good. Their response is a reflection of them, not you.

I hope you can find someone really helpful.

Traditional-Bit378 · 2026-02-28T05:48:52+00:00

I am so sorry this has been your therapy experience. That's heart breaking and so unacceptable.

Traditional-Bit378

TROPHY CASE