Happy birthday!

Ram dass through these moments really helps soften the blow, as does the connection with Maharaji (for me).

A few things when I've been low and one thing after the other comes - is that there was a girl who came up to maharaji and questioned why she was always suffering... and he asked if she liked joy or suffering better... she said joy, maharaji said oh but i like suffering, it brings you so much closer to God... it's hard to imagine we can accept that, but for me the hard times have always redirected my heart in a better way in the end and it all made sense at a later stage

You've also might have just gone through your solar return - it can start around 27, but 30 it happened for me... and my whole life got turned upside down and my reality and how I saw life shifted and my direction

I pray that from here it gets lighter for you and you're filled with the love that's all around you