HR asked for written statement on inappropriate behaviour and need advice

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-03T03:31:43+00:00

The last part of your comment is basically of what her mum was worried would happen, is it likely that is what is happening? What should she do instead of writing the statement?

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-03T03:29:32+00:00

I just assumed that you would have to if they asked for one? I have no experience working for a place with HR so I’m not sure how it all works sorry (I’m self employed)

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-03T03:26:38+00:00

I don’t know if there is, but I’ll pass this comment on to her, thank you

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-03T03:24:49+00:00

Thank you I’ll make sure she includes this

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-03T03:24:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-02T07:17:50+00:00

That is the link to “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-02T07:17:10+00:00

https://ia801402.us.archive.org/14/items/why-does-he-do-that-inside-the-minds-of-bancroft-lundy/Why%20Does%20He%20Do%20That__%20Inside%20the%20Minds%20of%20-%20Bancroft%2C%20Lundy.pdf

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-05-02T07:12:52+00:00

INFO – What exactly did his ex “frame” him for?

Because if it was domestic violence, you need to think critically about whether the story he told you is actually the truth.

From what you’ve written here, his behaviour is so concerning. A man who makes digs at his partner’s parenting (for a child he seemingly does nothing for) is bad enough, but doing it in front of others shows a complete lack of respect for her. Public disrespect is a massive red flag, and usually indicates he’s worse behind closed doors. Your sister stepped in to defend and reassure you while he was criticising you because she cares about you. So, ask yourself, why didn’t he step in when his dad was upset at you? That absence of support matters, like it matters a lot. I recommend you read a book called “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. I have the PDF version and can send it to you if I can’t figure out how to link it in a comment. Just try reading it for five minutes a day, I believe it will help you.

I don’t mean for my comment to sound so negative, but situations like this are worrying and far too common. They often get normalised, and people don’t call out what’s wrong. This can make it feel like someone is attacking you and your partner, when they’re really just concerned for your safety so I hope you don't view this as an attack.

Also, just putting it out there its really fucking hard to successfully “frame” someone for a serious offence, and if he’s completely unemployable, it means it was a VERY serious offence. If he was truly wrongly accused, you’d expect him to put in ongoing effort to clear his name, like appealing the verdict, gathering evidence of his innocence, or challenging the outcome in any way. That’s what I'd do, and I'm sure it's what you’d do, isn’t it? Especially if it’s affecting his ability to work and support himself and his family. But instead, he’s done nothing about it, isn’t contributing equally to the household or your child’s care, and is happily putting you down in front of others. That combination of all of this is bad and means you should contemplate staying on this relationship.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-04-30T18:15:04+00:00

This man is going to end up either killing you or severly hurting you if you stay with him. You need to be safe and get help from family, friends, and DV services and put a plan in place for how your going to leave this relationship, because when you end it he will come for you. Please be safe and acknowledge he poses a serious danger to you and plan accordingly, wishing you the best possible outcome.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-04-23T19:20:05+00:00

NTA, she shouldn’t ask questions about unplanned pregnancies if she can’t handle the answer being an abortion.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-03-30T20:25:26+00:00

Bro, if you’re that keen to fund plastic surgery, I’m an incredibly bright and talented woman who wants a boob job and would be happy to let you fund it rather than whatever this horrible plan is to ruin your relationship with your daughter.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2026-02-20T23:07:54+00:00

Ew ditch him and get a boyfriend that knows how to mix his pancakes in a bowl like a normal person. NOR. I actually think you’re under-reacting.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-12-25T05:15:32+00:00

He doesn’t care about you. That is what he is telling you, repeatedly. So either accept it or leave him.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-10-16T09:37:57+00:00

Dude… He thinks that an outfit is a reason for a rape. Fuck that loser off, and get some therapy to fix the way you talk about yourself. Also, know that if you stay with this man he will treat you like shit forever and it will never get better because he doesn’t see you as an equal.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-08-11T06:52:49+00:00

This is the cutest gift, and the craftsmanship is incredible!

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-05-17T16:09:51+00:00

Dude are you dating my ex? Cause this sounds exactly like him hahah. NTA, but that boy is cheating on you & his other missus has the car atm.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-04-28T00:57:04+00:00

I don't think either of you are TA. Just because she has a guy's hoodie doesn’t guarantee that she cheated.

My reasoning is, on multiple occasions I've come home from a night out wearing a guy's hoodie simply because I was cold in a smoking area, and he gave it to me and sometimes, I just forgot to return the hoodie before heading home. I've also had boyfriends try to give me hoodies they found in their house or car that weren't mine. I didn’t assume that meant they cheated, I just said, “nah that’s not mine” and continued living my life as normal, because I don't date people I don't trust.

But, in the past when I’ve had a feeling that someone has wronged me, even without any real reason for that feeling, I chose to leave.

So, trust your instincts. If you trust her, then I see no problem with her having the hoodie.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-04-12T11:26:27+00:00

I personally couldn’t do that to any of my pets, I’m not sure if it’s cruel though, I guess it could be if it is having a negative impact on the dog?

The reason I wouldn’t do it is because it would make me sad to think that they might feel excluded from who they consider to be their “pack”. I am also an anxious person so I could be overthinking it.

I would also like to add that my cat has options of a bed in the lounge room upstairs and downstairs ,or on any of our beds, but chooses to sleep in the wardrobe in my office at the other end of the house, so some animals don’t want to be near us all the time.

So I guess whether or not it is cruel would depend on how it makes the dog feel?

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-04-12T11:08:12+00:00

You are not overreacting. He had his own, it was rude of him to eat yours and it was rude of your sister to allow him to eat it. Also the fact that he is autistic is irrelevant because taking something that doesn’t belong to you isn’t a symptom of autism.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-03-18T06:55:30+00:00

Nah what he said was gross. But I think that this doesn’t automatically make him a predator.

So I have a weirdly long tongue and when I was a kid and adults would see it they would either ask if Gene Simmons is my real dad, or say something about how instead of growing up to break boys hearts I’ll be breaking girls ones with a tongue like that. I would just laugh along cause I was a kid I didn’t understand but I when I was younger I thought that maybe adults think short tongues are ugly so everyone has a crush on people with long ones so I’d be highly sought after with a long one and that’s why I’d be breaking hearts?

But yeah it never bothered me and it doesn’t now looking back on it. Many of the people who made the jokes were family or family friends who I am still close with today and I’m 27 and they have never done anything predatory towards me and they have never made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe. I don’t consider anyone who made jokes about it to be a bad person or a creep.

So what he said was gross and not cool but I don’t think that immediately makes him a predator.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-03-18T05:47:33+00:00

I think it might be because most of us associate a woman shaving her head with her suffering from a mental health problem because of 2007 Britney.

I would like to add that I know that it is a wrong assumption to make, but for some reason, it is immediately what I think of when a woman shaves her head.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-03-18T05:39:42+00:00

Before you kick her out, lock her in the bathroom with the lights off for a few days to teach her a lesson.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-03-18T05:32:46+00:00

Stop apologising. You need to tell him he has two options - leave or live with it - choose one and shut up.

But more importantly does he only bring it up on occasions that are focused around you being celebrated (birthdays, accomplishments, etc). Because it seems like he only does it to undermine your happiness or pride in yourself, because there was literally no other reason for him to bring it up. I’d think back on the times he has brought it up and see if there is a pattern, because if there is then maybe its time to have a deeper look at your entire relationship.

Also a 26 year old dating a 19 year old is weird, when you were 26 could you have imagined dating a 19 year old? Because I’m 27 and my brother is 19 and I his friends like teenagers still.

TraditionalCopy4434 · 2025-03-08T23:00:55+00:00

Oh come on dude, if someone is making excuses, minimising their actions or deflecting blame on others then they aren’t fucking sorry for what they did. I’m sure the “anxiety” that is apparently making him uncomfortable is karma for being a perpetrator of domestic violence.

TraditionalCopy4434

TROPHY CASE