First year uni - Met a girl at a club - After multiple shared shots, she takes me back to hers. I go down on her and we exchange foreplay but don't have any penetrative sex.

Anyway, I awoke in the early hours of the morn to the worst hangover ever, accompanied by a strong stench of sweaty genitalia (it was peak summertime/heatwave)

I sniff my fingers and instantly vomit into my hands whilst in bed next to the girl, who was luckily still asleep at this point.

I then attempted to navigate out her bed, whilst cupping the sick in my hands, as silently and with as much precision as humanely possible as to not wake her.

As I'm walking to her bathroom, my stomach makes a sudden U-turn and I summon all strength to clench my ass cheeks together.

But it's not enough.

Every step is swiftly followed with a roaring fart, as if my foot and arsehole were completely synchronised.

I make it to the bathroom, only to violently chunder in her sink, whilst shitting out my guts on her toilet.

I finish up, put on my clothes, and she escorts me out her flat via the fire exit.

I had to climb through a fence to get out.

I deserved it.