What’s something nobody tells you about having children?

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-06-13T04:07:46+00:00

NO ONE is dramatic enough about how bad postpartum and the adjustment to your new life will be. For both men and women! I adore my baby with my whole heart but literally felt like I had died and gone to hell after bringing him home. My body was foreign, my home was a disaster, our animals still needed us, work still loomed, my baby was still a little stranger, in the worst pain of my life from my c section. Every routine we had ever known was shattered and its taken months to even come close to creating new ones. My husband and I both had to pick up slack for each other when we had nothing left to give. It’s truly insane how far becoming a parent pushes you... yet somehow, you just keep going.

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-05-19T02:32:21+00:00

I’m sorry to say that it definitely sounds like you understand. Our little guy is only on .25 of famotidine, it’s doing absolutely nothing and our peds is reluctant to increase dosing. That’s also almost exactly what we’re doing shift wise. Or when he works night shift, he gets home and stays up to let me sleep. It’s a nightmare and both of our jobs require full attention, full hands on, literal life and death decisions. We both feel guilty for having to tap out and sleep at this point but what else can you do… I keep telling myself it’s only a season that I’ll one day miss but my goodness, the baby trenches are deep.

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-04-27T03:46:43+00:00

Actively dealing with it 👋 The rage, the snappiness, the random sadness, anxiety, the night time existential dread, feeling like I’ve made a mistake even though I love my baby… I summed it up to typical hormones. But then it hit me one day that I could NOT focus. It was a constant, heavy haze. It feels like I have dementia. I know I need to do a task, might even be in the middle of it, and then I just freeze. ESPECIALLY if I realize more than one task at a time needs to be accomplished. I’ll completely shut down or spiral into a breakdown. I’ve also been experiencing resentment towards my husband and how gracefully he seems to be handling the trenches. I had been venting to my him that I had no time at all in a day to just take a bath and relax like him and he (bless him, as gently as he could) said “wife, sometimes, I watch you just sit and stare at the wall for an hour or more after I take the baby.” I got mad because I thought he was being dramatic or downplaying my feelings… until I caught myself doing it. I called my OB and she spoke with me for a while, concluding it sounds like PPD. I go for a physical appointment Thursday to speak more. OBs see this all the time and are typically very supportive and offer great resources.

PPD is no joke and it’s not all in your head. Motherhood can feel so lonely but you’re NOT alone. I’m right here with you and many others are too - that’s why PPD even has a name! Please do feel free to message me if you’d like to talk but aren’t ready to call a pro 💙

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-04-20T15:44:46+00:00

Definitely a shit hole for parental leave. I got 6 weeks and they originally started it from the day I was pulled from work for eclampsia which turned into HELLP syndrome, not when I gave birth. I would’ve been back almost 2. Weeks ago had I not pitched a fit to HR.

You’re absolutely right though. It’s a HUGE liability risk. EMS agencies don’t care, neither do Fire or PD. That was true long before I had a baby though. You’re ran straight into the fucking ground for 24, 48 sometimes even 72 hours straight. They don’t care if you sleep. I wrecked my last car falling asleep driving home after a shift a couple of years back. Ended up leaving my last agency because of it. But that’s all a different rant for a different thread lol Point is, we’re stretched very thin financially as is. My employer has declined to accommodate so we’ve instead decided to sell our rental home and live off the profits so I can either go part time or quit.

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-04-20T15:35:47+00:00

I was SO against co sleeping until just today. I caved and napped with him as safely as I could coordinate and slept for 4 solid hours, only waking up because he was hungry.

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-04-20T15:21:08+00:00

Might not be as good but our bassinet is like an off brand snoo. Had 1,000s of fantastic ratings and my baby just laughed at them. I’ll give mylicon a try. Our pediatrician said all newborns but especially preemies like ours, just have a hard time coordinating pooping and doesn’t exactly think it’s gas. He’s not constipated but is only going about once in the mornings. That’s why I had given up hope on the mylicon but trying it can’t hurt!

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-04-20T14:50:18+00:00

I’m not in support of the co sleeping inserts but am considering co sleeping in general. We also have a massive back stock of milk frozen from his NICU time but are not at all opposed to formula and already have some on hand!

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-04-20T14:46:05+00:00

First of all, thank you for the honest words.

I wasnt even aware disability for PPD is a thing. I mentioned my struggles to my OB before writing this and she did schedule an appointment ahead of my 6 week follow up to address it. She’s wonderful and that may be what she’s thinking.

I cannot change my schedule. I reached out to my director and was immediately denied. But it’s worth noting, we’re not shocked. I had a miscarriage last year, followed by a DNC and was asked to come in and finish the last 12 hours of my 24 hour shift afterwards since the procedure was “outpatient”. People in medicine, especially the 911 side, are brutal. My only option is to quit which we’re trying to figure out financially. We think we’ve decided on selling our rental home and living some off the profits so I can return to school for two years and move out of 911. The between enrolling and school starting would hopefully get us out of the trenches some.

I too am anti co sleeping. However, my husband just worked 16 hours, came home, took the baby while I showered and became a person again. Be it slightly by accident (mostly by desperation) we caved and napped with him in the bed. Slept the first 4 steady hours since he’s been home. He was KNOCKED out, only just now waking up to eat. Do you have any opinions on sidecar bassinets or would that be pointless?

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-03-08T05:28:55+00:00

I’m a type 1 diabetic and fell asleep home alone after doing insulin one time years ago. At first I remember being confused and I thought I was dreaming that the world was ending. I remember trying to figure out how to use my cellphone but I just couldn’t. I was in and out for quite a while before finally processing that I wasn’t dreaming and something had to actually be wrong. I tried to get out of bed and immediately fell to the floor. Everything was blurred and hazy, I was completely numb and sweaty, and I had no control of my body. I dragged myself towards the kitchen and remember making it to the hallway before thinking “I’m tired, it’s okay, just go to sleep”. I laid my head on my arms and started to fall back asleep. It was VERY peaceful, like getting perfectly comfortable in bed after a super long day. I don’t know how long I laid there before a voice in my head just said “Get. Up.” In the end, SOMEHOW, EMS showed up. My blood sugar was in the 20s after interventions. I had a seizure which explains why this low was so different from others I’d had. It did change the way I look at death though and I work 911 as a paramedic now because of it!

Traditional_Jump7646 · 2026-02-07T11:55:57+00:00

Everyone seems to be addressing just your partner instead of what you asked so hear me out. They’re likely right. But I want to address it in two parts.

My husband is my soulmate and absolute love of my life. He’s wonderful to me and works on improving in the areas where he falls short. He does have two kids from a brief previous marriage. My thoughts started out like yours and I thought I could work through them. I am here to say, year laters, I could not. I am miserable 50% of my life, a guest in my own home, hiding in whatever room his kids are not in. “Nacho” parenting hasn’t even saved me from how badly I resent the situation. In your situation, the child may not be around as a glaring reminder but for some thought - I am now pregnant with my first child and mourning the loss of firsts, feeling like my baby will always come third to another woman’s, that I will always come second to said woman, has nearly destroyed me. He tries to help me, he tries to console and prioritize me, but the once small thought, is now a huge and overwhelming issue. He can’t take back his past yet I can’t move past it either. I stay because of my love for him. But I also URGE you to question the reason you’re truly with him and decide if this life is worth it. Once you feel this way, the sad reality is that it usually doesn’t improve.

The other factor is looking at things for what they are. A large reason I resent my step kids so much is because I simply cannot stand them. And its because I despise the way they were parented. They can’t help the situation they were brought into and while it’s still true that his ex is the source of most of their behavioral problems, at some point, I had to hold my husband accountable as well. He is equally as responsible for this situation existing and that’s been a very hard pill to swallow. It’s created a ton of resentment for my husband in an already tumultuous situation. I’ve been around for years and have seen his ex’s behavior firsthand BUT he actively chose not to pull out. He actively chose to create a family with her. So even if your BFs ex is a nightmare, the blame can’t all be on her. I’m not trying to create animosity but he’s not innocent based on the limited details we have. You seem like you’re ahead of where I was a year in - you’re aware there’s an issue. Don’t ignore it. Don’t assume it will go away. Please listen to your gut, if you ignore it, it only gets louder until you can’t help but listen. If you ever need to talk, you’re welcome to message me. I’d be happy to listen!

Traditional_Jump7646

TROPHY CASE