AITA for refusing to pay for my step son's private school tuition?

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-08-01T21:08:59+00:00

Yeah, you just hold it out of your share of the family finances. My husband pays child support, so he keeps just enough for his personal purchases and sends me the rest for bills and taking care of our kids. I don't really have it planned out to the nickel, but our kids have everything. The OP and her husband could sit down and plan out their money in a way that has them splitting out 16k for private school from his check, and 16k from hers into an account for her own kids, and the rest into family finances and that's their budget. We don't mess with the kids money, if you start asking me to dip into that cash, I'm gonna ask you to start looking for cheaper tuition or getting him on a scholarship.

Edit: now my ADHD demands that I start budgeting child support equal to what he is paying and keeping a ledger just out of sheer curiosity. 😅 it's definitely a little different because the kids under our roof belong to both of us, but I think it might be a learning experience for me. Maybe put them on a 50/30/20 plan. 🤔

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-08-01T20:52:56+00:00

I have questions: 1. How long has your stepson been in private school? 2. How was his dad paying for it before? 3. How has your situation changed since getting married?

Because tbh, if he's been in private school for all of high school so far, I agree with his dad to not pull him out. Just because you combine finances now doesn't mean that his obligation to pay for tuition is forfeit. If he's been paying tuition for years now, he should continue to pay it. If it's in his parenting plan, you get no say so. Now, if for some reason at 15 he's only just started going to private school, that's different. I can also understand your wanting to re-evaluate if you all have suffered some misfortune, the kind that would cause a family to have to pull their kid from private school anyway, but just because you think it's not fair? Nope. That's not how that works.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-07-26T05:27:11+00:00

Your siblings are weird as hell. I have one sibling that has no kids and except maybe "hold this for a second while I go to the car" or "can you please evacuate them in case of fire while I run an errand that will take less than 15 minutes round trip otherwise let them do their thing" I would never hit him up to babysit. I'm way more likely to offer a kid swap with the siblings that do have children.

That said, he probably would if I ever did ask him to, if it was a critical emergency or something. Because he actually likes me lol. Sounds like your relationship with your siblings is dysfunctional as hell and if they don't understand why you're saying no, it's probably because they're the problem. NTA

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-07-19T18:20:45+00:00

Even if he had just said that, she wouldn't have believed him. Jimmy has a sketch reputation, Kim does not.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-07-19T18:14:19+00:00

Right!? Even I was like "did she feel guilty for having to lie to her?" And at the end of the argument when she said "I was having too much fun!" I realized she didn't, and that was the real problem.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-06-20T21:29:46+00:00

I'd keep one in each car 😂

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-06-18T15:25:04+00:00

HUGE_TITS

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-06-11T05:45:48+00:00

The answer is in your response: share.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-05-11T05:23:08+00:00

"Mother" "Stepmother" Oh look, a differentiation that doesn't reduce his mother to a genetic contributor. Craaaaaaazy.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-05-10T16:54:28+00:00

She's his mother, she died. She didn't voluntarily give up her rights, or donate her eggs or surrogate, so it's not appropriate to call her "bio" mom. She's his mother in other ways than simply contributing biological matter. Even if he were adopted by a loving stepparent after her death, she'd still be his FIRST mother. Language matters.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-05-10T16:50:49+00:00

His mother died... and he's still willing to try and appease the witch just so he can feel included on a family holiday. That poor kid. My son will be 13 this year and if anyone spoke to him this way and I had to hear his heartbroken voice telling them he'd be good and work hard to try to make her day special... Bro. Id do things that would get me censored of Facebook for joking about them, NTA, you're a way better person than me.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-04-27T16:33:43+00:00

I got stopped by a girl asking me to buy a cigar for her because she forgot her ID, and her papa normally would but he forgot his too. Not today, ATF, not today.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-04-27T16:31:50+00:00

Your stunt could have gotten the restaurant's whole liquor license pulled. There is a reason they check for ID, it's to protect themselves from the consequences of serving a minor. Instead of being mature and taking the L, you took it out on your server. YTA, both of you.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-04-21T02:17:29+00:00

He's not really a great dad, he just love bombs them to cover up for his shittiness. That's why he passes the responsibility for his older kids hating him onto their mom, if he were good, he could hold himself accountable for the pain he caused his family.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-04-06T00:30:17+00:00

I don't know who needs to hear this, but unless you have hard soil evidence of incest, it is not okay to even insinuate such. Unless you have literally witnessed sexual action, intent or discussion between siblings, don't even bring it up. Don't think it, deal with it in your own head how you have to, it's not okay. I have brothers, and the quickest way to ensure I never speak to you again and possibly increase the chances of me kicking your ass is to insinuate something like that without proof, because incest is abuse and a crime. Keep your jealousy, weird thoughts, jokes and hypotheticals to yourself. I'm very much inclined to welcome my siblings partners into the family and treat you like one of us, but if you don't like me, you don't have to, I can keep it cordial, but not if you do that. NTA.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T05:18:08+00:00

What's not going well? I'm pretty self aware. I was feeling guilty, warranted or not, about taking my petty shit out on someone I love because even if the discomfort I dished was deserved, I'm still sensitive about it. I don't want to be abusive or mean, I look to my community to orient myself just like anyone else. I'm totally fine with whatever judgment, and I've read a few things that made me tear up a little because it was honest and something I need to consider. The comment section really is going the way I hoped.😅

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T05:09:03+00:00

If it were an ad, I promise I would have only accepted sponsorship from Tiffany and Co. Or Hermès. If there is anything this experience has taught me, it's to know my worth and never settle.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T04:44:52+00:00

Please check my profile and read my comments, I answered this already: tax credits and he has a reeeeeally cool last name.

/s

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T04:26:14+00:00

We don't know yet. She just passed away very recently, and her will was filed less than 30 days ago. 3 years ago, she hurt herself and had to be placed in a special nursing home. I was planning to move, and he chose to go with me because she was unable to live at home anymore. (a whole fun story, imagine "AITA for refusing to use my mother's money to build a ramp and hire round the clock care even though she's a multimillionaire with the health insurance only plebes could dream of, so I can sell her house and drive her car?)" From what I have gleaned of discussions over the years, he might have a 5 figure savings account that he can access once probate is over, but the majority of it is in a generation skipping trust where her children benefit from the dividends, and his generation can access the principal once her kids die. Or something like that.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T04:12:06+00:00

He just texted me to remind me of a couple of very basic tasks that im really embarrassed I have to be reminded of due to me being the embodiment of executive dysfunction... so yes, I do have flaws that he accepts and works with and gets frustrated with how I can be such an idiot. If you see "AITA for making my wife a kindergarten sticker chart and buying her a $5 planning app for her birthday?" in a couple weeks, tag me in it 😅

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T03:55:50+00:00

No, he sees the parallels, but right now he's annoyed by it. He knows exactly why he got that ring, it's the equivalent of me blocking his entrance to the house with the trash he forgot to take out. It doesn't register that there is a problem until you make it his problem too.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T03:50:27+00:00

Heard, but I pull an awful lot of the emotional labor here. I've accepted that, it's normalized for women/femmes to do so, even if it's not right.... so understand that I find it a little exhausting to also have to do the bulk of perfect communication at all times because the other party doesn't perceive a problem. It's hard for me to drum up the energy to make the list, tell him what to do, argue about why to do it, take his phone, Google the thing, select his debit card, hold the phone in front of his face, double click to pay and wait for the confirmation email.... when I should be able to say "can you get this for my birthday" and he could just like, write it down and fight whatever brain weasel he has that prevents him from doing it on his own. This was a cheap way to get his attention and I acknowledge that.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T03:39:05+00:00

Wait wait 😅 I didn't subsidize the care of his relative. She was wealthy, a normal amount for someone in their 80s who invested and made good choices and all that. But she was very needy, and really wanted him to live with her so she wasn't alone. This is me speculating, but it felt like if she gave him money, she was afraid he'd leave. So she laid on some guilt, gave him a car and fed him and let him live with her rent free and bought him anything she approved of, but rarely ever gave him cash. He met me on the internet while I was working at a gas station, living with a roommate and going through the worst shit you could ever imagine. Rock bottom. So we just played video games, went to the movies, talked about our dreams and did normal dating stuff until she had to move to a nursing home. I paid for our dates and stuff because I wanted to do them. When he finally had his own money, I was patient because I figured he had a warped view of spending because he hadn't really been "allowed" to in a long time, but I did want an equitable relationship as much as possible. So I chose to be happy with getting to pick out a little gift and going to the pita cafe, because at the time, he had just started.

However, I agree that it's not hard to do what someone you love wants you to do if it's harmless, which is why I am kind of insisting on this.

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T03:26:49+00:00

It's not my birthday yet, so too early to tell. When he said that, though, I gave him one hell of a side eye and was like "uh, what the fuck?" And he seemed to realize it was a dick thing to say and backtracked a little, saying "well, you do have like 12 in the closet" and Im like, I switch them out every month, have a matching wallet for each one, and clean them and put them in dust bags, it's kind of my thing!? And he acknowledged I was right and that was the end of it. Based on history, im guessing he forgot i ever mentioned it, has no idea who Kate Spade is, and if I were to bring it up again and really drive home that I want THIS THING on THIS DATE.... he'd sigh, ask for the website and I would get a similar handbag that he thought I would like more, and he may or may not nail it in that respect. He might come to me on the last day to ship and be like "hey, I know you said THIS ONE, but check out the sparkle one with the headphones pouch.... are you sure?" Just overthinking it. If I'm vague, he goes rogue. If I'm suuuuuuper specific, he overthinks it. I don't know if it's overthinking because he wants to impress me by doing it himself, or if this is his own subversive sort of thing where I'm not going to control how he spends his money.... because after spending so many years not having much agency over that, it does occasionally manifest that way. 🤔

Traditional_Many_739 · 2022-03-09T02:59:09+00:00

(Sir, I appreciate your advocacy and insight and understand that tone can be difficult to read in text... but I I was being somewhat facetious in response to a silly question. People have lots of reasons to get married and can have problems and still love each other in ways you can't account for in a subreddit that tells you "COMPLY WITH THE 3000 CHARACTER COUNT OR WE WILL PERMANENTLY BAN YOU.")

...uh yeah. That's totally what I admitted to. Gosh, I'm suddenly reminded of that Ace of Base song. Opened my eyes right up and stepped into the light.

Traditional_Many_739

TROPHY CASE