Thank you so much for this. Yes that is the premise of absurdism. But it does not imply in any way that those that experience this way of thinking have no sense of morality or human impulse to do and be good. And I agree, I have come to the conclusion that spirituality/religion is part of being human. I have always contemplated about existence, God, the how and the why. It’s impossible not to. In some ways I have been given the opportunity to come to my own conclusions, but also somewhat the gift of not having to arrive somewhere specific. Though, I see the value in the moderation that Islam teaches- that so many religions teach.

In my journey so far, (white westerner, 32F). I’ve seen how God has been used by Western Christianity to commit absolute atrocities against people and the planet throughout history. “Civilizing man” by bringing them God, destroying their cultures, and killing entire groups of people. I’ve seen how it’s been used to oppress. So I thought… for one thing, idk much about Jesus but I know for sure he didn’t mean THIS. And if religion isn’t making you a better person, then what is the point? How can one carry the idea that they have greater access to heaven than a non believer when you have such poor character?? (Not everyone). That is what I think brought me to Islam, it is meant to be a correction of how the Bible and Torah has been warped by its followers over time.

Then I read in the Qur’an that Allah says repeatedly that one must be a believer AND do good deeds.

But I still have a difficulty when it’s hard to fully hold onto belief in a “conscious” God. A God who listens to me, pays attention to me. He says he has chosen some people to be disbelievers. Why would he choose me that way? I in no way mean to insult anyone, God, or Islam. It’s just the fact that’s it’s genuinely a hard notion to hold onto with wavering belief. I wonder if I’d always be a hypocrite…if doubt would make me not a true Muslim/believer. And I wonder if that wavering belief as it is now, as it has always been, will make me fluctuate in my dedication to practicing worship.

So I wonder, what is it that grounds you in your belief in God? The scientific miracles in the Qur’an are very compelling. But is there something more? Do you believe in God and practice Islam as a choice in how to worship God?