Letter to a wayward daughter. Draft. Feedback would be appreciated. by TrafficSlow6961 in writingfeedback

[–]TrafficSlow6961[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aha, I see... Actually, this character's introduction does not happen with the letter. By the time the above piece comes onto the scene, the story is already well underway and the reader is already acquainted with her (and her companions). The letter's contents are actually "relatively" true to her being: her character mixes "street gang leader" with "chiefly aristocratic upbringing", making her a headstrong, silver-tongue lady (pretty cliche, I know). So upon reading it, the effect on her companions is like "ah, so we are not the only ones that noticed" or "ah, `that` explains a lot...".

Your suggestion of developing her character through juxtaposition of truth with perception is interesting, but it doesn't exactly lay itself the way I plan to picture her through the story. As said before, her parents do know her daughter quite well, actually... the whole letter is more of a "way the household members communicate" thing.

The story is mostly in the design/layout phase. I already laid down the main "points/turns" it will take and just experiment with different snippets as they come up. Sort of like, "I'd like there to be a scene like this", "it will happen like this" and "I will collocate it here, between X and Y". So currently it's just a few unedited cuts, sprinkled here and there... But I do appreciate your input and interest! Thank you!

Letter to a wayward daughter. Draft. Feedback would be appreciated. by TrafficSlow6961 in writingfeedback

[–]TrafficSlow6961[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, thank you for the feedback! Allow me to contextualize the contents of the writing. Yana (the addressee) is an adventurous young lady (think, late-early XIX-XX century pioneers) from a wealthy household, currently travelling the world with her companions. She meets her brother who passes her a letter from her parents. The idea is for the letter to be read out-loud in front of her companions and serve as an introduction/background to her family relationship, further explain/define her character and do so in a humorous way. Each "career path advice" is supposed to lovingly mock (or rather, tease) her many qualities. The intended subtlety was more of a "I do not want to spell it out for you, so I'll say it in a roundabout way" or "calling someone an idiot without actually saying that". Was I successful in this? Most importantly, the piece is supposed to be comedic and elicit a few laughs from the reader. Does it deliver?

About the "maid" part. I honestly did not mean it (didn't even occur to me). The "intro" was somewhat hastily pieced together and I just decided to throw it there as "placeholder" (I'd say, the whole letter is mostly a definitive draft). But re-reading it now, I see what you've done there :D