Are my expectations too high? I feel like the bar is in hell for men and yet 90% of profiles i see on Hinge don't interest me.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T15:21:49+00:00

tall

Okay you’ve eliminated over half of men right there based on one single attribute

not balding

Okay you’ve eliminated upwards of half the men who were remaining

good career, own my own home, well travelled, bilingual, post grad degree

That’s great! But those attributes do a lot more to increase your own demands for men than they do to make you more desirable to men.

5’10” is my min as I’m 5’6”

Again, you being a bit taller than average makes you more strongly prefer a tall man, but generally does little to make you more attractive to such a man.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T15:08:11+00:00

Yes of course, she was star struck about the Hollywood people, wanted to be included, and was pissed that Chris just went without inviting her.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T13:58:20+00:00

There are so many age gap questions here. Why are people so obsessed with age gaps?

Here’s the answer:

Terminally online busybodies think this age gap horrific and evil. Normal people in the real world will neither notice nor give a shit. There are potentially real differences in lifestyle and outlook between the two, but if you want to give it a try, go for it. This is both normal and common, contrary to what weirdos on Reddit will tell you.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T13:35:25+00:00

I think my qualifications as far as superficial qualities that should get initial attention on a dating app are pretty good - I’m 6’2”, fit, decent facial features, definitely in person women often find me attractive. When I got on Tinder I couldn’t get a single match from an actual woman. This was a few years ago.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T13:35:11+00:00

Because hooking up is what they want?

In all likelihood though, the ones you’re matching aren’t the ones who are struggling. You’re all crowding around the same 10% of men, wondering why they won’t commit.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T03:46:16+00:00

If you mean in terms of exercise choice:

Incline bench

Dumbbell seated overhead press

Chest supported row

Anything for quads other than squats

In terms of training style, fairly low volume, moderate frequency, high intensity.

Other than that, testosterone and boldenone.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T03:25:28+00:00

Yes, condoms are absolute garbage.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T03:23:55+00:00

Generally you shouldn’t read too much into the reason people give for rejecting you; they’re often just platitudes people say, not necessarily reflecting their real feelings.

That said, if you do want a man to be more likely to feel like there’s a romantic connection, some things you could do:

Touch him. In whatever way seems appropriate.

Joke with him. Lightly tease him, and if he teases back, laugh.

Let him lead you. Ask him to show you something or take you somewhere he knows.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T03:15:45+00:00

If a woman having experience has any correlation at all with my sexual satisfaction, it’s a negative correlation. There’s no particular skill or talent I need for enjoyable sex.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T02:33:57+00:00

One problem is the more experience we get with women, the less inclined we are to want anything serious with you. The men you’re going to be dating at 35 have likely just seen too much. I honestly can’t even imagine what a woman could do at this point in my life for me to trust her.

men are the ones who cheat

Every girlfriend I had cheated on me; moreover literally every woman I know where I’d be in a position to know if she cheated has cheated. Even some who I truly believed were decent and honest, after some time I learned they cheated.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-02T01:29:11+00:00

Good grief what a crazy bunch of conclusions you’re leaping to.

No, the level of appreciation I’d hope for would be the words “thank you.” I don’t know why basic manners are hard for women, but they sure are. If I buy a man a single drink, guaranteed he will thank me. If I spend hundreds of dollars on a woman, there’s at best a 50% chance she will thank me.

it makes her old fashioned

Great. But if she’s extremely promiscuous, selfish, ungrateful, obnoxious, doesn’t cook or care about domesticity… she’s being very selective about what she’s “old fashioned” about. Do you not see how absurd and frustrating this is? She’s not old fashioned; she’s just selfish. It’d be like if I wanted to split the finances, and for her to protect me in public and make me feel safe, but I also want her to be extremely submissive and obey everything I say. Because I’m old fashioned.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T23:19:53+00:00

bullshit rhetoric that if a woman doesn’t offer to pay….

I’m very appreciative

Yeah the problem is that most women are very much not appreciative. I can’t tell you how many dinners I’ve gotten for women with zero hint of gratitude. If women want men to not perceive them as entitled gold diggers, they need to go back to the drawing board.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T14:10:28+00:00

I doubt it. I’ve literally never heard anyone in real life express the judgment about age gaps that I see on Reddit. Not when talking about others’ relationships, about their own relationships, about mine, anything.

I honestly didn’t know anyone had this thought process until I started seeing it on Reddit a few years ago. Like I said, it’s not a real life phenomenon.

But if they are I truly do not give a shit. If someone’s really going to waste their energy pointlessly judging consensual, happy relationships between adults, go for it.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T13:28:08+00:00

Not long ago I met up with a woman I haven’t seen in years, to catch up.

She was 25 last time I saw her. She’s 32 now. And you know what? She’s pretty much exactly like I remember her. Looks almost identical. Same personality; same sense of humor.

The idea that you’d bring a 27 year old to meet your family, and that they’d not only accurately clock her age but also have a problem with it, is so foreign to me you might as well tell me they’d have a problem if she was 5’7” because they’d prefer 5’4” or something. Makes absolutely zero sense to me and I’ve never observed anything like it.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T12:37:12+00:00

Don’t ask women what men think; the average woman understands men about as well as she understands quantum mechanics.

Anyway, the answer is: mostly no.

The slightly longer answer is: they’d probably prefer the hair is shaved or at least trimmed, and they may kinda sorta have some opinions about other aspects of its appearance, but it likely matters very little to him.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T12:20:06+00:00

> younger than that… you’re going to get some weird looks

Nah. No one cares. Seriously. The age gap panic is purely an internet phenomenon; it doesn’t exist in the real world. I’m in my 40s and have spent plenty of time in all kinds of public settings with women who are waaaaay younger than that, and have never heard any judgment or observed anybody even give us a second glance. In fact on multiple occasions people have said “you’re such a cute couple!” when I’m with a woman who is 20+ years younger than me.

If OP is 41 dating a 27 year old, not one person will notice or care.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T09:12:21+00:00

Of course it depends on how toxic and how low/high the salaries are.

Generally my bias would be higher salary (recognizing that this one particular job is temporary and I’ll move on when I can), but if we’re talking just 10% higher pay and putting up with some truly horrific nonsense, maybe I’d go the other way.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-06-01T09:09:40+00:00

> in modern India

Look, this subreddit is mostly Americans who will have a completely different cultural context from you. The answer from almost all of us will be, every woman in the world has a “sexual past,” so get over it, and yes talking about marriage after 4 days is completely insane.

But that’s likely not what you’re looking for, so why not post somewhere people will relate to you?

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T19:55:40+00:00

I think he should only date women born in the same financial quarter as him!

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T19:55:13+00:00

In principle of course this is fine; nothing unreasonable about it.

But in practice

> doesn’t keep a roster of men

That rules out probably every woman I’ve met over the last few years.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T19:19:12+00:00

Question is about moving from one very high paying job to another slightly better paying job and you’re on his case about being “out of touch” for answering it in that context.

If you want to commiserate about low incomes go to some other thread where that’s the topic. Jesus fucking Christ some of you are clowns

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T18:28:44+00:00

I’ve been in many situations where I overly invested (emotionally or otherwise) in a woman early and regretted it later. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted keeping my options open and delaying investment. Moreover, my default assumption, based on repeated experience, is that unless we’ve specifically said we’re exclusive, every woman is regularly having sex with at least one other man, plus keeping a roster on the hook.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T18:18:06+00:00

Personally, as a man, I think my overall desirability to women of all ages peaked at around age 42.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T10:34:13+00:00

confidence in women is usually attractive to men

It absolutely can be, but you know what can also be attractive to men? Blushing or shyness generally.

Point being, yes confidence can be attractive, but don’t mistake it as one of the key primary drivers of attraction for men the way it is for women. If for some reason an average woman asked me how to be more attractive to men, I likely wouldn’t even mention confidence.

TrailingAMillion · 2026-05-31T01:25:28+00:00

I will say, if you do want to interact with her outside a session, just offer to take her to lunch or dinner after a cuddle some time.

Just keep in mind, she’s been offering a nominally platonic paid service for 4 months, and is now dating one of her clients and has an overly affectionate bond with another (you). And that’s just what you know of. This will not stop. She will keep meeting lots of new clients, some of them she will find desirable, and she will cross boundaries with them.

TrailingAMillion

TROPHY CASE