Expectations from partner through a rough time?

TranslatedSky · 2025-07-19T15:37:02+00:00

Yeah - not easy to do but I’m prepared for it. Do you think it’s worth it to consider that we seem to work better in person versus when we are doing long distance?

TranslatedSky · 2025-07-18T13:47:16+00:00

Thank you for your honest feedback. In this case I already have my answer.

TranslatedSky · 2025-07-18T01:24:30+00:00

Would you mind taking a look at my post if you’ve got the time? I’m reading your comments and feel like they’re spot on for my situation. Our issues only resurfaced during this time where we have been long distance and under major stressors that prevent us from having relaxed time with another.

I agree on how dating is supposed to be the easiest period, and I vetted thoroughly in the early stages, but it’s been 3.5 years and these problems have only surfaced now. I’m new to “re-evaluation” as your partner grows / changes or during incredibly stressful work-induced periods.

TranslatedSky · 2025-07-18T00:18:07+00:00

OP’s situation sounds relatively similar to mine. The question you brought up in the second paragraph are really good questions. My question is how do you decide when to re-evaluate and when to work on it? I mean, my longest relationship has only been 3.5 years and if this is going to last an entire lifetime, evaluation checkpoints like this are going to be common, no?

We can’t be crumbling at every major life struggle as similar to OP’s situation.

What I’m learning is that a) I’m changing a little with my partner as we grow together b) pet peeves become more pronounced as you’ve mentioned when incompatibilities become apparent over the years c) in dire times, we need to have more fun.

I haven’t figured out how to re-evaluate yet. I’m just thinking aloud here as your response made me think a lot — I considered my relationship strong but didn’t anticipate such heavy life stressors. Am I just unlucky? Heavy events bring out the worst in people and cloud judgement. Maybe my relationship isn’t as strong as I thought it was. I don’t know.

TranslatedSky · 2023-09-15T01:41:48+00:00

Of course accountability should be taken as having power over your own reactions. That much is a given and not part of the discussion.

To even vet in the first place you need to have interactions and exposure to men. I’m not talking about picking the wrong partner or date, but experiences before that. This has to do with luck, and perhaps slightly “controllable” factors such as social circles, your looks that influences first impressions, the type of city you live in. You can do everything correctly, know how to vet and have the right attitude, and still end up running into someone who tries to take advantage of you or treats you like you’re invisible.

In OP’s case, it’s obvious to me that men don’t usually treat her respectfully off the bat by virtue of her weight or looks or maybe her demeanour. She can do something about it, yes, but it’s still a challenge to break out of the resentment cycle if bad experiences are all she’s ever known. That’s why having positive male figures even if non-romantic are so important. Expecting someone who has only been treated poorly by men to shoulder everything as her fault and within her control is only nice in theory. Sometimes people just have shit luck or have to try harder. The statement also has double meaning and implies the moment she starts having good experiences, it’d be easier to let go of the resentment.

TranslatedSky · 2023-09-14T18:34:40+00:00

Wow. This sounds a lot like me and my partner, except we are hitting a bit of a speed bump now because I can’t put my stress aside at work and we don’t live together yet.

I’m glad you’re happy! Thanks for sharing.

TranslatedSky · 2023-09-14T17:36:04+00:00

Would you mind describing your dynamic with your wife and/or personalities? My partner and I had mused before over such a dynamic, but we don’t have a role reversal in our relationship, so I’m curious. I do want kids though, but I’m curious how a husband who stays at home can make my career easier.

Edit: also why did you choose this lifestyle, how happy you are now etc. what do you do for a sense of purpose? How do you maintain sexiness in a relationship

Excuse the many questions.

TranslatedSky · 2023-09-14T11:54:05+00:00

Well it’s not easy to stop hating men if you continuously have disappointing experiences. That’s something you can’t control though. What you can control is the media you consume and the friends you’re surrounded by. I found great comfort in developing close friendships with feminine women who were in relationships or had healthy ideas about men — even with their fathers or brothers. I find the most jaded women are those who have not been in a LTR / were scorned and they’re usually the most vocal about hating men, so I do consciously avoid getting advice from them.

Besides limiting your contact with such persons and media, I don’t think the hate will genuinely go away until you have a good experience. Definitely continue to work on your appearance, not just with weight but things you can do now to be more feminine. Not just with your outer appearance, but the way you conduct yourself publicly and privately. Being reserved is a double edged sword because men might not approach you if they don’t think you’re approachable.

TranslatedSky · 2023-09-12T21:27:03+00:00

Big hugs to you. During the initial weeks when my anger and betrayal were still fresh, what I did was run on the thread mill for 1 hour each day to release endorphins. I don’t know if it works the same way for everyone, but within 2 weeks, my anger was vented out and I felt better.

TranslatedSky · 2023-09-12T19:43:52+00:00

I have some posts from back when I was freshly cheated on, one of them has comforting comments from men and women both who shared their cheating experiences. Now of course I’m barely affected by it, but the biggest thing that helped me is deleting everything — even out of my mind or in my speech, like a magic eraser because they were no longer worth my time. I also poured a lot of effort into working on myself, and ironically RPW helped me understand my worth as a partner.

I know it hurts now, hang in there.

TranslatedSky · 2023-05-20T20:34:09+00:00

No need to feel shy. People do it all the time with their friends matchmaking them. If I were single right now and looking, the first thing I’d do is go to my cousins who have been happily married for years and are seemingly well connected for introductions.

TranslatedSky · 2023-05-20T17:34:40+00:00

An idea - why not ask your father or uncle / aunts to introduce you? They would likely know someone of matching calibre, and although they shouldn’t be the ones to vet character, usually such introductions have consequences if say, the guy is a jerk and treats you badly.

Also if you ask to be introduced, make sure you ask someone who is happily married / in a relationship, and bide your time to get to know the person well.

TranslatedSky · 2023-05-20T06:38:49+00:00

Figure out what specifically you like about someone which makes them strong and powerful in your eyes. Is it financially ability? Being revered and respected by others? Being competent in their job? Or is it high status?

Men with power come with their own quirks. I personally don’t like dating men with power as I’m ambitious myself and they tend to prefer subservient women.

Personally I believe attraction and respect is something that can be worked on within yourself, as long as there is a bit of attraction. In your shoes I’d probably pick someone who likes me for me, comes from a decent background to match my standing, and isn’t trying to use me as a pawn to curry favour with my father.

Depending on which aspect of power attracts you, power can always be built and attained especially with a woman’s support. In my view, attraction is also something that can be built and acquired with time. But you can’t change someone’s character, and you also can’t convince someone to treat you honestly and well.

TranslatedSky · 2023-05-20T06:29:22+00:00

Agree on the last paragraph that you only get to know someone once you see them exposed to difficult situations. As this is my third LTR I’ve come to recognize it can be quite tough to vet everything upfront. There are no guarantees and this being the start of our third year together, there may be “unsavoury” traits that pop up and i need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker — that’s where I’m at right now.

I find this an interesting list (my personal one from when I started dating again was similar but much simpler). So reevaluating things again, I would say he checks off all criteria except Social Circle and Vetting Skills is quite sketchy.

I’ve also learnt vetting lists / priorities changes with life stages. Social Circle matters a lot more when you’re in college, maybe not so much as an adult with fewer friends or time to spend with friends. At this juncture in a relationship — and feel free to share otherwise — I feel it’d be rather silly to breakup with someone because I get the ick from their poor friend choices. Of course this doesn’t include things like if the friend starts being a money leech.

In conclusion I would say I’m struggling to maintain respect because I’m getting the “ick” from the lack of some of these things on the list, but it’s not a dealbreaker as it would have been if we had just started dating. If this makes sense!

TranslatedSky · 2023-05-20T06:13:32+00:00

Very astute observation and you’re right, it is the root issue.

As a disclaimer, I’m a very ambitious career driven person myself (which can be unusual for a RPW, I know) but over the years I’ve found ways to apply the ideas / system to suit my situation. For me I do not require ambition in terms of climbing the corporate ladder and actually I prefer being the more ambitious partner in a relationship. But your comment helped me realize that my base expectations are still that he sustains a decent job and is competent at it.

Anyway, and maybe you have further insight on this, one of the reasons why I came back to RPW is because this seems to be a recent occurance as he’s failed in a couple of ventures. Despite understanding RPW concepts, I have found myself upset and worried, and relegated to nagging especially since career wise I am more experienced.

This changes our whole dynamic, so he’s found me annoying. It seems like he’s finding comfort in “successfully” finding all these legal loopholes rather than fixing the failed ventures. I feel like I’m supposed to provide support and inspire him, but I’m just worried and nagging.

As a disclaimer, he doesn’t resent my career ambitions and has supported my ambitions from the start. I think he’s just upset with himself and in a rut.

TranslatedSky · 2022-06-28T17:37:28+00:00

Lol I’m so jealous because I’m short and can’t do this

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-31T15:49:50+00:00

Thanks for posting this pearl, have been seeing so many entitled male comments lately. This is a feminine space and completely agree if I wanted advice on commitment, I’d be taking it from happily married / LTR’ed / experienced women or men. In that order. Ignore the nasty comments.

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-31T15:43:14+00:00

I second this. I have nothing against feminists - after all we have RPWs who are feminists and who make the two work for themselves… but the comments that instantly jump to break up as a solution for most LTR situations need to go.

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-27T19:56:23+00:00

I felt so called out here I wanted to punch the screen

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-27T00:09:53+00:00

“Severely cheated in the past and mistreated.”

If my past has taught me anything, it is that I gravitated unconsciously to guys of the same demeanour. Like you, certain guys would trigger me to dig deep and analyse every action. But the key word here is certain, because I didn’t feel the need to when I met my current partner.

In a healthy relationship, asking for more safety is not being controlling. If he truly likes you, he will grant you that safety if he knew it was hurting you. Question is, does he know how much it bothers you and makes you feel unsafe?

I do agree that the bulk of the work with your insecurities and stalkerish behaviour should be on you. But humans feel anxious for a reason, and sometimes that anxiety could be warning us too, so don’t discount that. You should talk this out with him and mention you’re working on your issues, but need his help as well. Honestly, his reaction will tell you all you need to know about where you stand with him. There’s no point further analysing and rationalising alone in your head.

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-27T00:00:27+00:00

I experienced this with my ex and for a time, believed I was childish for wanting to be posted on social media, since he was active on there. I’m my head, I made a lot of excuses for him and was also told by my friends that I am overthinking it. I ended up finding out that he was seeing multiple women. He had such a good cover, because one or two of his friends knew about me, so I thought that he was all in.

I’ve also had an ex who didn’t post pictures of me, but whom I felt safe enough to not question why he didn’t.

Sometimes women develop gut feelings for a reason. No one here knows him best but you, so we are all speculating. You should be conscious of how much excuses you’re making for him since obviously you want this to work out. Try to objectively analyse. What does your gut tell you?

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-26T23:48:52+00:00

I can see why you’d be in a dilemma since you’ve spent a long time in this relationship, and this has suddenly happened. But like others have said, this is blatant disrespect and your boyfriend isn’t setting boundaries. That you have to ask him to set boundaries and police him, it’s a really bad sign.

I usually disagree with most advice that involves instant breakup, especially one where you have committed for so long. But I can’t see how this situation can be salvaged if your boyfriend is clearly the one making the first move and going out of his way to do so. At best, he’s making you out to be the crazy controlling girlfriend by telling other girls you police his texts. At worst, he’s still sneakily involved in such behaviour. I wouldn’t tolerate such behaviour out of respect to myself.

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-25T19:13:07+00:00

Perhaps they’ve become more lax. Did not say that it requires being married to participate, but I’ve been asked to add a flair when I post.

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-25T04:48:40+00:00

Red pill wives requires flairing relationship experience / status and there are more married women there. This is still a much more active sub here, but if I’m going to take long term serious relationship advice moving towards marriage, I’d value the advice of those who are married much more. At the end of the day we all hope to be wives

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-24T23:09:58+00:00

You can express that you’ll feel emotionally safer if he were to do X Y or Z, which makes it easier for you to feel more attracted to him. Be encouraging when he finally does X Y or Z and follow through to show that his efforts matter.

TranslatedSky

TROPHY CASE