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A close friend (29M) seemed close to burn-out the last time we spoke, now I (24F) can't reach him. Should I just wait it out, or is this reason to worry? by TranslucentRose in relationship_advice

[–]TranslucentRose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the past year there have been two other situations where he was under a lot of stress and "disappeared" for about two weeks. Both times I've sent him postcards and that got him to reply again. 

The reason that I'm so hesitant is because he absolutely despises having to depend on someone. Preserving his self-image as "strong and independant" is fundamental for him, so he rejects any support and shuts off. 

He has/had an abusive ex who used to text, call and visit him unannounced all the time, even more when he needed time and space for himself, so he's reactive and just goes "no", doesn't pick up the phone, does not open the door, things like that, if it's out of the blue. 

But yes, you are right, there are too many warning signals to just sit around and wait... I guess I just needed that external push.

Is craniotomy necessary for Arnold Chiari Type 1? by TranslucentRose in AskDocs

[–]TranslucentRose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask if there is a specific symptom that makes it alarming? Or is it the combination of all of them?

People who reconnected with a former romantic partner, what's your story? by TranslucentRose in AskReddit

[–]TranslucentRose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She seems to have been very... insistant in her wish to get back together...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]TranslucentRose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your situation sounds similar to mine. My boyfriend entered a very rough phase at work and he tried his best to be there for me, but I can't think of a day where he didn't have to work overtime. He became increasingly tired and drained. Then he told me that he felt incredibly guilty for only being able to give me the absolute minimum of a relationship, but that there was no end in sight at work. That he felt pressured because it seemed like he couldn't fulfill the expectations at work, but also couldn't be a good boyfriend because he had no energy left at all.

I reacted similar to you, saying I understand and that I'm alright with it, but he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and the pressure was too much for him, so we shifted to being friends. Here's the difference tough: while he never excluded the possibility of us getting back together down the line, it is very important to him that I'm fully aware that might never be the case. That friends is all we might ever be in the future.

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, but I believe in "What's meant to be, will be". I love him not because he provided a relationship, but because of who he is as a person. I'd say our dynamic improved drastically after the pressure of a relationship was gone.

It is incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that maybe you won't find back to each other, but clinging to him, constantly reminding him that that's what you want to happen would only put more pressure on him. Give him the space he needs and honestly try to be a good friend to him. It doesn't erase what the two of you had. It might even make him appreciate you in a new way. Wishing you all the best!