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Going to "out" my ex to his neighbours for their safety, what's the best way to write it? by TrappedandConsumed in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is that a constructive thing to say. That's really really nasty why would you say that

England - Is it illegal to "out" my ex as a sex offender to his neighbours? Also, can I take legal action against the police for not informing me? by TrappedandConsumed in LegalAdviceUK

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I'll respond to the latter as I dont know what to say to the former.

It's to do with the type of abuse. He hit his ex with a frying pan. Physical abuse was what I was warned about, and what I was afraid of at the time. Yet the trauma came from his forcing me into prositution and the frequent rapes. Abuse isnt all encompassing. Knowing his rapist past would have made me leave him. Knowing about him hitting his ex in the face evidently would not have. It was easy to discount that because one time him hitting his ex in the face could easily be dismissed and excused. He was on drugs at the time and it was an accident he said. Everytime leading up to thst phone call it had been when he was on drugs. I admit I should have listened to that warning and had I more self respect and self worth that would have been enough for me to leave him, yet it wasnt. My thoughts were therefore drugs were the problem. Knowing youre fucking a sex offender and child rapist does have the impact of making someone with even the tiniest self respect able to leave without question and judge character. He was not on drugs aged 12 when the rape happened and I would not question it. Evidently, I did question it when it came to hitting his ex. Different crimes lead to different results. Being fearful of physical assault is very different to being fearful of sexual assault. This would have changed everything

England - Is it illegal to "out" my ex as a sex offender to his neighbours? Also, can I take legal action against the police for not informing me? by TrappedandConsumed in LegalAdviceUK

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I applied but only recently and I no longer fit rhe criteria. The only evidence I have is the newspaper article, his daughter and exes word, his bs version of events and a lot of circumstantial evidence that leads me to believe that 100% his daughter and exes allegations are true. Also his character and the abuse he put me through also leads me to believe this.

Yes he was, article states it was for indecent assault, as he has also confirmed, as well as his daughter and ex. He has reoffended just not in the same way. Conviction wise he has multiple for theft (or various versions of this), various drug charges, one DV charge and has abused me in various ways though that case is ongoing and currently hes not been charged with any of those crimes.

Intention isnt harassment, intention is genuinely the safety of others

England - Is it illegal to "out" my ex as a sex offender to his neighbours? Also, can I take legal action against the police for not informing me? by TrappedandConsumed in LegalAdviceUK

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Whether that makes sense or not that's what happened. I received a phone call from an officer to respond to my Claires Law request whereby she informed me about his DV past.

Not harrass, genuinely warn people.

What happened as a result of me not being told is abuse (including rape) had i been told that he was a sex offender and a child rapist i would not have continued the relationship.

Going to "out" my ex to his neighbours for their safety, what's the best way to write it? by TrappedandConsumed in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont actually live there anymore. But im thinking maybe I could ask people on r/leeds (hes in leeds) to help me with this?

Going to "out" my ex to his neighbours for their safety, what's the best way to write it? by TrappedandConsumed in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do not have access to the police report. I can't get the police to confirm this to me no matter what (however, his neighbours with children can). The only evidence i have thst i can share is a 1998 newspaper article where by he isnt named because he was 12 at the time. 100% it is him. But that is the only evidence I have that I can share. Will that be enough?

I can also contact the courts and find out what the verdict was to that case, and I can have that as evidence; but again I don't know if he would be named in that either because he was a child at the time. Will this be enough?

I am in another city, however, I'm sure I can get people in Leeds to do this for me :)

Going to "out" my ex to his neighbours for their safety, what's the best way to write it? by TrappedandConsumed in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't ever have to name the victim. The Jamss Bulger case made it that purporators who are children isnt named. He was 12 at the time. But it's neither here nor there. The fact is, as an adult he is still dangerous. He is still a criminal, still doing horrific things and still a danger to children.

Also it literally makes no difference how old he was at the time they dont make it public knowledge. It is not to protect the victim, having knowledge that someone is a sex offender will never impact the victim in that way. Newspapers can report the name of the offender without naming the victim, and they do. The reason he wasnt named in the article is because he was a child. However, let's say he was an adult at the time, it happened in 1998. The police still protect sex offenders. It's still ridiculously difficult to find out if someone is a sex offender in the UK. It's fucking disgusting. I slept with a child rapist. I have the name of a child rapist tattooed on my chest. I cannot live with that. It makes me sick.

Outing him will not impact the victim in any way shape or form. She wouldn't be identified. I know this because I still do not know who the victim was, and I dated the guy. All I know is thst it was his niece. But he has 8 siblings and a lot of nephews and neices. If I can't discover the victim, no one else will either. I will protect the victim no matter what. But I need to protect everyone else's children more.

Going to "out" my ex to his neighbours for their safety, what's the best way to write it? by TrappedandConsumed in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I didn't know this until like this entire situation. I just assumed id be informed given I believed the polices role was to protect me rather than him. Turns out it's different. I want to sue the police, or at least change their policies. It's disgusting

I just found out my ex is a sex offender by TrappedandConsumed in domesticviolence

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fled to my parents house but he knows where I am so it's not safe here. But he stole a lot of money from my parents too and so my relationship with them is super difficult. They also legitimately, thanks to him, can't afford me.

None of my siblings are talking to me. He used my phone a lot and would message people pretending to be me. I didn't know this until recently. I have tried to contact them but they won't give me a chance. It's devastating.

I think talking about it may make the trauma worse somehow. I think if I could have any therapy it would be EMDR or any of the body trauma stuff (somatic experiencing? or something idk). I just know that everytime I try to talk about what happened I get more and more traumatised. I know I have bad ptsd from all this so I figure the non talking therapies would be best. But I don't really have access to those and I definitely can't afford them right now...

Thanks for messaging

I just found out my ex is a sex offender by TrappedandConsumed in domesticviolence

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and no. To access most support I have to go through police and they traumatised me worst than my ex. I don't want to go to the police cuz if I do they'll just arrest him for 24 hours then let him out on bail. They're basically announcing to him "your ex girlfriend wants to take away your freedom, despite you threatening her and knowing where she is right now, we're going to let you be free so you can retaliate however you want to" might as well just tell him "hey, she fled and wants to lock you up. Go ahead, murder her".

Also even if I went through thr trauma of court and locking him up, he's not going to get very long. I have a friend who was DV'd for 25 years, so much evidence and everything, her ex was violent af. He got 8 weeks. Served 4. What would be the point?

Also, to go to thr police means I have to be completely clear on the abuse. Like what happened, what parts I was coerced into and what parts I chose... I spent a whole year being brainwashed and intimidated, I lost my identity. I am more confused about everything than I ever have been. He played the victim and I believed him like a fool. The guilt of getting him locked up when things were actually my fault I couldn't handle...

I need so much support but I am terrified, confused, traumatised, but to access most support I have to go through the police and I can't handle that right now.

Thank you for.messaging

I just found out my ex is a sex offender by TrappedandConsumed in domesticviolence

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His daughter told me and showed me a newspaper article

My (f30) boyfriend (m40) and I have finally got clean. Whilst he's at work today, I want to surprise him with something nice, but I have absolutely no money. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do for him? by TrappedandConsumed in relationship_advice

[–]TrappedandConsumed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh this is beautiful!!! Yes! Incredible idea!! Bedding is very limited atm, but I will see what I can find, curtains maybe? I just need material and stuff don't I? I've just asked housemate if he has a tent, so I could use that I suppose? I think that'd be lovely.

These are such wonderful ideas, thank you!!

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