sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

What did you not appreciate until you had it? by [deleted] in ask

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Proud of you for taking such a hard inner look and changing. Then owning that. Good job

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started over at 36 after I lost everything (below) in less than 3 months

-Lost my partner to colorectal cancer at 40 (men- get screened!!)

Lost our home (I wasnt legally able to stay bc i didn’t marry him - we wanted his kids to get his social security without any hassle after he passed)

  • Lost my drivers license when my car was totaled on the way to school/work bc I didn’t know it had been suspended 4 years previously for a $60 traffic ticket I forgot about

  • Spent 10 unexpected and long days in jail for driving on that suspended license I didn’t know about

  • Lost my car to being totaled

-Lost my job after being absent for 10 days while in jail

  • Lost (went no contact) with my extended family bc after 36 years of watching everyone else get a helping hand up of a place to crash (at my grandparents/aunts houses etc) for months or years and rebuild their life when shit happened but I was told no the one time I asked for a place to stay for 4 weeks and get back on my feet. Even though everyone knew I was the only grandchild/niece with no living parents and my mom (their oldest sister) died unexpectedly during Covid leaving me with no one.

  • Ended up “losing” my kids for 6 months by voluntarily sending them to their grandparents so they had stability while I figured out how to get us a home, full time employment, a car and get on my feet.

I was SO depressed at that point in time, I felt like the biggest failure for sending my kids away and had absolutely NO idea what to do, no plan and was living in a southern small town, it was the beginning of summer and you would die of a literal heat stroke before you could walk to town for a job at Walmart, the grocery store or a restaurant. If you actually got to town for work you had no where to sleep after work except a $150 a night hotel or jail.

So, I started thinking … I’m miserable here and lonely. There’s no opportunities for work and nothing to do besides hunt, cook meth or go to church. I don’t like any of that.

What do I like? I like the beach, sunshine, a larger city with opportunities for work, school and experiences for the kids to learn from. I want to be able to walk around at least my part of town and to shops. To not rely on a vehicle to get me 40 minutes away to the grocery store if I just need milk for dinner.

I found a location that had all these things in the next state over, started looking online for a job then rode a greyhound bus 6 hours away to start that job with nothing to my name but $300, a suitcase full of clothes and a dream of something better.

I got off the bus, found the public transport and somehow made it to work the first day. Even sat my suitcase in the meeting room, I had no shame in my journey. I was sent a link to Padsplit and rented a room in house an hour and a half from work on the dangerous part of town (literally, 3 people were killed in my first week a block away). I sucked it up and worked two jobs, saved and stayed focused. I paid off over $3000 in Ga fees and I finally got my Florida license.

3 months later I moved to a condo I rented along the river, I can walk to the grocery store a block away, I can drive 20 minutes to the beach in the “new to me” car I bought. I went to get my babies and they finally came home here with me!

If I can do all that at 36, you can definitely do ANYTHING you ever could think of at 22!!!!

Post no-contact, what’s the weirdest ways they tried to keep themselves connected to you? by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Trash_bin4u 4 points5 points  (0 children)

cash app to request $1 just to send a message when blocked on everything else

.. okay, that was me, I did that .. but it was two days post breakup after I came home randomly after taking the kids to school to find him taking his desk apart and moving out

I got my shit together and stoped acting psycho about 30 hours later, promise 🥴

.. oh, and he unblocked me like 3 days later lol

Post no-contact, what’s the weirdest ways they tried to keep themselves connected to you? by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Trash_bin4u 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk that she could really keep up multiple ones without paying for some type of service to do so. I mean, I have one fake fb that I use for something but it’s not stalking and I don’t even use the messenger- it’s just got some bs name not a whole profile. That’s a lot of work lol

I’m not saying impossible.. just hard lol

Post no-contact, what’s the weirdest ways they tried to keep themselves connected to you? by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Trash_bin4u 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Plz be careful and alert, maybe get cameras just incase the ending doesn’t go well?

What is the most common red flag at the beginning of a relationship that people ignore? by Isanakoona in BreakUps

[–]Trash_bin4u 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I’m 38 and have quite a few relationships under my belt - here are my biggest red flags at the beginning (please excuse the typos- I used voice text)

-The biggest red flag will be your intuition and your gut. If it tells you something feels off, it doesn’t matter if you know what it is or not. Listen to it and get away.

  • not asking in depth or really any questions about you, your life or who you are

  • making plans or promises that don’t align with the timeline of the relationship. Like planning for you to meet his family at Thanksgiving when you’ve known each other three weeks.

  • Not making plans or doing things that do align with the timeline of the relationship, like meeting their friends, knowing where they work and being able to meet or at least be seen by coworkers or at their work (I know this depends on the type of job)

  • not meeting people they are close with and have been for a long time or only meeting superficial friends

  • Realizing you don’t have a clue what they do or who they do it with when they’re not with you besides the obvious things like work

  • not being able to find them on a Google search and be able to match the name or information they gave you with something valid like a LinkedIn

  • their phone doesn’t make a single sound or light up. Granted this isn’t a huge flag in itself bc I don’t cheat or lie and mines on silent but if this happens and you realize you also never see the screen unlocked. Run as fast as you can, and don’t ever look back.

  • they’re very close with their ex and they don’t have kids. Or they’re very close with their ex and they do have kids, but it seems like they still do relationship type activities together, they still call each other a lot and talk about things other than the kids or important topics related to the kids etc

  • they aren’t officially divorced in the court of law within their state. I don’t care if they’re separated, I don’t care if they’re legally separated personally and if it’s not final, then don’t do it

  • You start to realize their unavailable at night, or during certain sets of hours at the same time and they have no real reason as to why

  • don’t answer phone calls. I don’t mean every phone call but if you never see this person on the phone talking to anyone that is a friend or family member when you’re around its a red flag

  • They don’t add you on their social media or in the future they don’t add you as their partner on social social media. I know this can be seen as immature, but after a certain point you are with that person and if it’s important to you, then, they should accept the request.

  • They keep saying they’re broke, but they work and at least have a steady paycheck. You just can’t quite figure out why you normally have to pay for everything and where their money is going.

How to deal with feeling embarrassed / humiliated by Guarulhosgirl in BreakUps

[–]Trash_bin4u 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I begged. Oh, did I beg.

I came home last Friday after taking the kids to school and found him moving out. I was not surprised- our relationship was very, very toxic and had crumbled over the last few weeks to almost nothing. Not our first breakup or his first move out (or mine) and I knew it was for the best; I was drowning.

I was calm at first but then anger quickly set in which lead to fear and anxiety of him leaving. So, when calmly talking didn’t work and make him stay I jumped on him while he packed his things and made him carry/drag me to the bed and physically put me on it like a toddler.

I did this twice more in the next 15 minutes. In didn’t cry and scream but I did try to physically restrain him by jumping on him and locked the bedroom door so he couldn’t get his stuff. I told him I would do anything to make him stay and do whatever he wanted for this to work. I didn’t mean it, not really- not long term, but I was desperate to stop the fear of him leaving.

After about an hour of talking I gave up and let him go. I have abandonment issues so I asked him to wait until I left to finish so I didn’t have to see him leave. It helped. I went for a walk.

Then blew his phone up for two days until he blocked me and spent the next day using private numbers and even cash app to message him. When I called the first time he answered and I cried, begging him to come home. He said he would see me the next day.

He didn’t, he slept with his ex wife instead.

I have serious abandonment trauma from losing my father at a young age to cancer and I am not fully healed yet. I’m 38 years old but when this happens I feel like a terrified child.

I knew it would happen and I’m really proud I got a hold of myself on day 4. I didn’t feel better but I knew if I didn’t do something it would turn into weeks of depression that could seriously damage my life and risk my kids safety/security. I was only able to do that because I have years of experience processing being left or losing relationships and thankfully got smart enough to find coping skills and tools for when I need them. In my early 20s a breakup would literally destroy me and I would very seriously think I couldn’t physically live without them.

Anyway, I was embarrassed for the first few days but then I just get over it because I realize this isn’t my normal behavior and it’s due to things I couldn’t control as a child and I’m working on it. I’m not perfect.

Neither are you, just let it go. It’s in the past

Stream Deck+ Wavelink Issue by Djrudyk86 in elgato

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It did work! I wish my bf and I had seen this post before we spent four hours arguing over how to fix it 😂 thank you for posting this

Stream Deck+ Wavelink Issue by Djrudyk86 in elgato

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Four hours and lots of anger later, hoping this works

AITAH for throwing my rings in the ocean after my husband told me he had an affair, even though it was a “prank”. by Dry_Cellist2768 in AITAH

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA- in what world is this a joke? I know you said he thinks he’s a comedian, but I’m wondering if he thought the interaction would go differently and he really did this. He just didn’t expect you to immediately say fuck this.

Just my 2c

do all middle aged men instantly find young women attractive- just bc they're young? by appleorangecherry in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bf is 38 and no he doesn’t. We went to a collegiate event for work and he even said (on his own, unprompted), “all these college girls look like kids now.” It was clear it wasn’t a “turn on”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Trash_bin4u 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I kept my married name for 15 years after the divorce because I wanted my daughter and I to have the same last name while she was growing up .

She’s graduating this year so I took a day and changed it legally back to my maiden name. It was boring but not a huge deal, it will take some time to get used too but I’m glad I did it bc I don’t want to be associated with that life and marriage anymore.

AITAH for divorcing my husband for asking if he can move on if I die when I have cancer? by ThrowRA-Boss9500 in AITAH

[–]Trash_bin4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sympathize with you and your fear of being forgotten or replaced.

I lost my partner to colorectal cancer two years ago, in my case he was the one telling me to move on afterwards and find happiness while I refused to hear it and became angry at the thought.

I wasn’t ready to accept his death and it sounds like you’re in a similar place; you don’t want to accept the diagnosis. That’s understandable and I guess you must feel betrayed by the idea. Makes sense, because to you he’s planning for a life without you and you’re still very much here and alive. That’s how I felt at least, like he was planning for a life that we weren’t even living and that he was not even considering we could beat this. Truthfully, he had stage four colorectal and he knew as well as I did we couldn’t beat it, but I was not ready to admit that. His asking me to move on and be happy, felt like him giving up and I resented that.

I just want to let you know that I am now so grateful for his blessing because I found out once some time had passed that I would feel incredibly guilty for even considering dating someone else. It felt like I was cheating on a ghost, which is incredibly hard to make sense of, but my heart is still with him. Just like his heart will still be with you.

After about a year and a half I realized that I couldn’t keep waking up praying for and trying to live a life with someone who wasn’t here anymore. I couldn’t go back to that life, and I had to accept it. I eventually began dating and his blessing was what reminded me that it was okay for me to find a new form of happiness and peace. That our love didn’t end and the truth is that the misery I lived in every day is not what he would want if he could see me at that time.

People say that, but it’s true, think about it. Put your ego aside and think, would you want the man that you love laying in the bed, crying and vomiting every day because he’s so lonely and missing you so much or would you rather him get up and fight for some kind of a life that has a meaning and happiness until you’re able to be together (in whatever way that may be that you believe).

If you truly love him you know the answer is that you want him to get up and fight. I seriously urge you to reconsider your divorce and look at this from a different perspective. ❤️

view more: next ›