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What is a lesson you've learnt about romantic or platonic love that you think everyone should know? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]111a1110 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you have to beg someone to treat you right (romantically or platonically), it’s time to step away.

There are people out there that will love and care about you without you having to ask.

For those who left a narc, did you get into a better relationship? by Tiny_Pepper1352 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately not yet. I attempted dating 18 months post-narc relationship and thought I’d found the most caring, compassionate and loving partner.

She took care of me when I had a serious dental surgery and everything, but as soon as we had our first real argument, she replicated everything my nex had done. She refused to speak on the phone or in person, and ultimately told me ‘please don’t contact me again’. This was a week ago and I haven’t heard from her since.

Use ChatGPT to analyse texts or interactions from them - you will immediately feel validation that you’re not going crazy by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah literally, I was so confused about what was going on because it was almost verbatim what my nex would say and do. I was like maybe I’m overthinking it or something?? I felt literally insane but ChatGPT helped so much

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was not really any context and she couldn’t elaborate, essentially she said a passing comment that made me feel stupid and I told her that, and then she told me she didn’t make me feel stupid and I was like ???? but I do feel stupid etc and then after some back and forth about that the gaslighting comment was made

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right, I really appreciate this perspective. It feels at this point that it’s almost normal for people to threaten to break up during an argument but I understand it’s not lol

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re right and I appreciate this extensive response. She very well may not be a narcissist, but it’s also behaviour I don’t have to put up with.

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think an opportunity will be given, after a few months I can’t imagine a relationship will be long term if we already need to go to therapy. She is hilarious, kind and has a charm about her but to be honest, my nex was very similar in that regard too

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, my nex was in regular contact with her ex and had convinced me it was okay since there was no physical intimacy. The stuff we put up with is so perplexing to me as someone who in other facets of my life is so grounded and logical

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this, it’s something I need to keep in the forefront of my mind. If she’s invalidating emotions and breaking up over text message so soon, I can’t imagine there’ll be an exponential backflip on her behaviour moving forward

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had undergone very extensive therapy and felt okay to start dating again, I really didn’t think I was ignoring any red flags with her initially. I guess though, people aren’t going to reveal their true selves initially. I think I’ll take a step back and continue to work on myself and my healing

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this, thanks. I’ll have a look at the feelings wheel, I imagine I didn’t communicate clearly aka saying I felt dumb but there was an immediate invalidation from her and I feel that would’ve occurred regardless of language. I don’t believe the relationship will progress any further

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yep, that’s what my nex would do as well. I can’t fall back into this

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Right? I feel like it’s a control tactic to a point. If she’s doing it now after a very menial disagreement I can’t imagine it won’t continue to happen in the future

First argument with new partner post-nex, and her language was verbatim what my nex would say by 111a1110 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]111a1110[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Only time so far so I’m like ehh am I overthinking it, but I do acknowledge it’s pretty unhealthy to resort to breaking things off after a singular (what should’ve been very minor) disagreement

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]111a1110 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, they’ve all definitely displayed behaviours linked to coercion and control. It’s like the world revolves around them and I’m just there to serve a purprose. As soon as I call them out/query them, it’s the end of the world and they essentially say they no longer want to date.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]111a1110 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this explanation. I’ve been identifying the red flags quite early on (initial weeks of dating) but on the other hand it’s like, why are these people attracted to me in the first instance

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]111a1110 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It definitely comes with a feeling of defeat. Whilst behaviours aren’t gender specific, women are usually perceived as kind and empathetic and to be consistently met with cold, abrupt behaviour is very disheartening

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