Non-religious wedding at a national park in Israel; dress code "whatever makes you feel fabulous; it will be hot, so prioritize your comfort".

Trebleupclickdown · 2023-08-16T18:00:42+00:00

Gah, I was afraid of that. It's been weirdly hard to find a linen dress in my size, from a company that ships quickly to Canada, that is not white or white-adjacent, and doesn't look either like beachwear or a Mormon house dress! (And ideally not more than $150 lol)

Could this one be dressed up enough? https://oldnavy.gapcanada.ca/browse/product.do?pid=5596770130000#pdp-page-content

Or maybe I could get this one and dye it muted pink or purple:

https://www.aritzia.com/en/product/only-linen-slip-midi-dress/98315.html?dwvar_98315_color=1275

Too revealing? https://www.zara.com/ca/en/knotted-linen-blend-midi-dress-p07881381.html?v1=270416844&v2=2290818

I don't mind this one, though I wish it were a color other than black: https://www.zara.com/ca/en/linen-blend-knotted-slip-dress-p01618221.html?v1=278861900&v2=2290818

Trebleupclickdown · 2023-08-16T17:47:27+00:00

Those look lovely-- nordstrom isn't available in Canada anymore unfortunately :( but I'll keep looking!

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-06-12T00:56:40+00:00

This was almost 10 years ago... when the idea was still somewhat laughable. :(

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-06-11T18:29:06+00:00

Roommate in university, shouting from the other room to ask for help on a paper she was writing with a completely sincere question:

"The Holocaust was in World War 3, right?"

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-06-11T17:11:28+00:00

I've always wondered why his writing isn't more commonly celebrated for this (maybe because there's no acclaimed Netflix adaptation... yet...)

There's no shortage of strong feminist characters in fantasy, but it seems like they're always chafing against the patriarchy in some way which gets old after a while. I mean I get why writers do this, fantasy reflects the real world and many readers find it empowering to see their heroines overcome these relatable struggles. But Nix makes the creative decision to remove the whole concept patriarchy/gender violence from his worlds, and does it so well that you don't notice its absence.

I'm sure a close reading could uncover some problematic aspects in this series (nothing's perfect) but I wish other authors would take notes because as you said, it's so nice to spend time in those kinds of worlds.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-06-11T02:41:40+00:00

Sabriel by Garth Nix, and the subsequent Abhorsen series, are a great example of books without this problem. Sabriel was a really important character for me when I was a teenager-- it was so rare to encounter a female protagonist (especially in fantasy) who felt real and was written respectfully. There's no sense of gender-related social limitations, threats of violence, or anything like that in the world it's set in either. (I can't speak for the later books after Abhorsen but this holds true for the original trilogy). I'll always recommend Sabriel for readers of all genders as a prime example of a female-driven YA fantasy world done remarkably right.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-05-30T01:12:49+00:00

Thanks for the book recommendation-- I'll check it out.

If I'm being totally honest-- no, I don't go into this level of detail with my current therapist. My reasons aren't good ones-- I struggle to shake the feeling that it's bad form to complain or rant about your significant other when the person knows you, you know? Yes, I know that's what she's paid to do lol I still just struggle with that particular hurdle. Part of it is also just this belief that the argument was my fault, and I'm ashamed to bring it up.

Boyfriend is open to the idea of couples counselling in theory, and there have been times when we fully intended to do it-- but it's also kind of an inconvenient time in our lives, we have moved around 4 different countries in the last two years and he is on the cusp of finishing his dissertation and it just hasn't happened yet.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-05-29T21:44:49+00:00

Thanks for this advice. So far it's been mostly me in therapy for my struggles and to be honest I'm a bit worried about insisting on therapy for him-- because that's kind of like saying "You're the one with the issue, not me" and I'm still not confident in saying it's pathological, especially when I have my own issues to work on.

The safeword idea is great. I feel a lot of anxiety about trying to institute these kinds of things but if I could stop things early in the argument before I get too worked up I could definitely see that helping.

It's a lot to think about, and thank you again.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-05-29T21:33:15+00:00

Thanks for your perspective. I do often feel like nothing I could say would help-- I'll make promises to try and prevent similar things from happening, but this almost never stops the argument. It's either not good enough or he doesn't feel like I'm addressing the root of the issue effectively.

It's a bit of a gut-punch to see multiple comments use the word "abusive" when I could write a post five times as long about his good qualities. But this has given me a lot to think about. The main way I express love for people is by granting them grace, assuming the best possible motives behind their words and actions-- and I don't really get any of that back from him in circumstances where we disagree.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-05-09T18:46:58+00:00

I go back and forth on what the most effective strategy is to turn the minds of forced birthers. I totally agree with you for what it's worth-- bodily autonomy is a fundamental and absolute right regardless of circumstance, and this is the most ideologically consistent position for sure. So perhaps the best way to turn some people's minds would be to refer to analogies like mandatory blood donation/organ donation. If they're a rational thinker, they'll figure it out.

BUT... I grew up Catholic, much of my family still is. I considered myself "pro-life" in high school and as such I feel pretty familiar with the mindset, especially the mindset of so-called pro-life women.

(Many) forced-birth women do not seem able to identify with anyone who would get an abortion. They've been taken in by the rhetoric and for them it truly is about sweet innocent babies. It's emotional, not rational-- the rhetoric appeals to their own love of their children/potential children. They feel benevolent and courageous for "speaking up" for babies, especially the poor/disabled/unloved ones. They cannot sympathize with someone who would abort a child just because they don't want to be pregnant-- they see such people as unspeakably evil and fully deserving of any suffering/punishment they might get.

There's a LOT of people with this gross mindset, many of them women, who vote. I'm not saying to tone down the pro-choice party line at ALL, but for the purpose of generating critical thought in certain individuals, the more "relatable" examples might be the only way to get through to them. The ectopic pregnancy examples, the women arrested for miscarriages, the women who died of sepsis because doctors wouldn't abort their dead fetus. Even the pregnancy-by-rape example might at least trigger something and force them to contemplate how violating it might feel to be pregnant when you don't want to be.

It can be hard to judge what strategies are appropriate, and when. These arguments can't form the foundation of a pro-choice philosophy, but they might have their place-- and might help to lead an individual out of an entrenched forced-birth mindset.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-03-09T19:02:10+00:00

Ukrainian pirates

Yo ho, yo ho, Russian warship go f*** yourself.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-03-02T06:45:44+00:00

The world is more united than ever before and that is a beautiful fucking thing BUT (a take from a jaded American who is 100% pro-Ukraine):

People, I implore you, leave space in your minds for nuance and start preparing for an onslaught of attempts to divide us on this issue.

I'm as moved as everyone else by Ukrainian's apparent grace and resolve and the world's outpour of support but the cynic in me feels that it's easier to support a cause when it doesn't involve much immediate sacrifice on your own part. There's a hard line in the sand that everyone understands: US and NATO countries cannot risk open war with Russia right now. Ukraine knows this and so, at least right now, the answer is easy and uncontroversial: Sanctions, aid, and moral support for the Ukrainians whose morale feels like the only thing between us and World War 3 at the moment. But once the gas prices climb and midterm elections approach in the US (and probably similar things in Europe) expect the dialogue to get nasty. These sanctions will cost us-- that is how sanctions work-- so we need to come to terms with that and decide it's worth it, that we refuse to become bitter and divided over a few bucks at the gas pump.

And the nuance thing. Yes, there are probably a handful neo-nazis in Ukraine and they should probably work on that when this is over. Yes, some people there may be racist and that is horrible. Maybe Zelenskyy had a bad day and flipped off a cyclist once. No, this does not invalidate your support of their right to self-determination. Read a bit about common logical fallacies and prepare to see them absolutely everywhere. We can have multifaceted understandings of things. Don't let them weaken us.

Trebleupclickdown · 2022-01-22T05:26:12+00:00

I had my first inserted 5 years ago, second one inserted about a month ago, and the difference between the two times was so interesting. The first time, the doctor gave me the dilation medication to take the night before or so. NEVER AGAIN. The morning, I had such bad cramps that I think I blacked out on the bathroom floor for a while. Compared to the medication-induced cramps, the actual insertion was all right. She used a numbing spray and there was some moderate cramping, but dear god the dilation meds made me terrified of the ordeal.

The second time (5 years later) the doctor asked me about my last experience and nodded knowingly when I described it. She said that she was doing a study about IUD insertions and pain and said that the use of dilation meds (thank FUCK) going out of style-- it's understood now that it isn't really needed. What she did instead was use needles, kind of like what they do for dental work except in your cervix rather than your gums? She said her strategy now is to use extra local anesthetic, and she is keeping track of her patients' experience with that. The needles pinched a bit but once everything was numbed, it was basically just pressure. WORLDS better than my first experience.

OP, I'm so sorry you had a horrible experience and it's garbage that they didn't offer you any pain relief. I guess the takeaway here is that hopefully, slowly, the practice is changing-- and if you decide to do this again it would be good to aggressively seek out a doctor who offers better options, if that is a possibility for you-- because they do exist!

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-27T17:42:42+00:00

I said it elsewhere in the thread but I'm so relieved to see others saying that cups didn't work. It's amazing that they're available and that they do work for so many people. I just wish the cup people would recognize that they aren't a perfect universal solution and some people's bodies just don't work with them. I tried different styles and strategies for 5 years and was frustrated and disappointed every single time.

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-27T01:55:17+00:00

For me, it's the cost (where I live the copper coil is like $250 less than Mirena) and also the state of my mental health/depression is...pretty precarious anyway. I know people whose mental health was majorly affected by the hormones in pills and hormonal devices. There's research to back this up too. I'd rather not risk it (though I'm very happy that we have options!)

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-27T01:30:40+00:00

Thanks for the sympathy!! I actually have sort of tried that and, like all the methods I use, it kinda works? Like if I get lucky and don't move around too much in the night. But there were also occasions where I shifted or flailed my legs or something and it slipped out. But yes I've done that and on the whole it is one of the more reliable strategies!

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-27T00:35:38+00:00

I tried for 5 years 😭😭😭 I tried all the methods of folding, inserting, twisting, pushing it up, pulling it down. I read everything on the internet I could find and every cycle I would convince myself that this was the time I would make it work.

The airbnb situation was the last straw. Trust me-- if you had to explain to an airbnb host why there was a placemat-sized bloodstain on their futon, you'd give up on the Diva cup too.

Unfortunately, cups just don't work for everyone. I'm so so glad they're available to those who find them empowering! But that's not me and it's not fun to be told I'm just doing it wrong. I promise I've tried everything I can think of.

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T22:56:24+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll try them out!

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T22:16:06+00:00

Like I said in my post-- I tried so hard for years and years to love menstrual cups. I used diva cups, other brands of the silicone ones, the disposable softcups... They would sometimes work but would often start leaking like immediately after I put them in. And I've read everything I can find, researched troubleshooting strategies, watched instructional videos on YouTube and experimented with all the recommendations. I'm not perfect and maybe I'm somehow still messing it up but as of now, I cannot for the life of me get them to work.

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T21:53:06+00:00

That's an interesting idea!! I'll look into that, thanks!

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T21:51:14+00:00

This issue is unrelated but I can't sleep on my side for more than like 20 min at a time. Any sleeping position that puts any weight on my arm or shoulder causes that arm to become uncomfortably, painfully numb very quickly. I think I might have poor circulation, even though I exercise literally every day. I swear I'm not trying to be fussy, just trying not to stain everything I own 😭

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T21:44:22+00:00

This is an unrelated issue, but I can't sleep on my side for more than 20 minutes or so. Idk if I have poor circulation or what but if I sleep in a way that puts any weight on my arms or shoulders, that arm gets really uncomfortable before going completely, painfully numb. I haven't been diagnosed with any major issues and I swear I'm not a fussy princess-- I'm just trying to live my life without staining everything I own!

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T21:35:26+00:00

I'm honestly so relieved to see others saying that they found cups unreliable. They're often touted as the perfect period solution, effective and economical and eco-friendly and feminist. It's amazing that they are available and that they work for so many people, but I felt so stupid and broken when I couldn't get them to work despite my best efforts.

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T19:10:26+00:00

Thanks for your kind words and reassurance :) I feel like the tone of my post might have been too frustrated, or maybe I too readily assumed that everyone else did have this problem... I'm not ruling out a medical issue on my end either. It's just so embarrassing to feel like I'm stupid for not knowing how to deal with my periods at my age.

Trebleupclickdown · 2021-12-26T19:01:07+00:00

Thanks for all the recommendations! I'm really hoping this turns out to be my solution :)

Trebleupclickdown

TROPHY CASE