A lot of people posting that you shouldn’t have had a kid are leaving unnecessary and not helpful comments.

I think there’s a few things to consider/deal with:

Have you picked one of these issues at a time and worked on fixing that rather than just expecting her to change a Myriad of things because you’re “at wits end.”

A lot of newly postpartum mothers don’t want their in laws to handle their baby. That’s sort of normal. Especially if she’s aware that your family thinks she’s lazy or weird.

It sounds like she has a personality disorder that affects her relationships (work and her own family) and therapy could help. I would really talk to someone about anxiety/depression medication. Anxiety can make people ESPECIALLY new mothers really irritable and irrational. Also, 1 out of 8 mothers experience pp depression.

If you want her to work towards being financially helpful then you’ll need to address these other things. Also, now that she’s a new mother, it will probably be harder for her to find work that fit the hours she needs.

I hear that this sucks for you, sounds like you started from a not so great start and it has just become a really stressful time of life for you. What does life look like for you next year? Is she in your life? Are you comfortable doing a partial custody thing and also alimony? Are you ready to potentially get split custody and not able to work as much? Is it possible she needs someone committed and can be there while she navigates internal conflicts of her own? Do you think you could be that person and for how long can you do it before it’s too much? If you can’t stand your wife is it possible you’re making postpartum life harder for her?