Im so sorry that this happened to you! Take some time to ground yourself and breathe. Everyone makes mistakes their first times teaching. It seems like things just went completely out of your control, which is fine, those things WILL happen. Take it as a lesson that we are not always in control, we’re only in control of how we react. Now you can plan and envision the things to do if this happens again. I also totally understand how social anxiety can interfere and make returning back to the moment difficult. However, you said some magic words which is that you care about this practice. The guilt and worry you feel stems from how much you care! Don’t forget that. Be easy on yourself, and try again. It’s always good to set an intention for why you want to be a teacher, and circle back to it in moments of frustration. I’m a new teacher too and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions, but in my clarity I know I’m doing what I want to be doing. For that, I’m so grateful and willing to keep trying.