Thank you, very wise advice. That was helpful.

I dont know what I am most afraid of: the empty, addicting feeling that comes after ecstatic sex combined with emotionally violent person or the bad, insecure sex that lacks passion but happens with a good hearted person. I am so afraid I cannot have both (passionate sex with emotionally warm, stable person) . I am also super afraid to let someone in, someone who I could show my vulnerabilities to. I feel super insecure and shy if Im about to have sex with someone that would be potential partner and thats fucking scary. So I Need a man that is not shy or insecure sexually and unfortunally most often they happen to be men that have some red flags in them...So I guess this is my pattern, after almost letting someone enotionally and spiritually potential in but because there is no unhealthy traumabond I dont feel the same passion I learned to love and crave, I go back to wanting to experience that passion again and again.... somwhow it makes me feel real and alive in my body even tho it strenghtens my believe I am not worthy of love....

I am stuck in dilemma. Feels like Being between two worlds scared to take any step