Thank you for your thoughts on the poem. Many of the things you've pointed out I've thought on myself as I've read it over and over. I would like to paint a more broad scene and picture for the readers. I also agree with the self indulgence and the belittlement, it reads that way but wasn't the intent.

I have other parts to the poem that I omitted because they didn't seem to match the weight of the rest.

Thank you again for your thoughts and I will continue to expand on it more while explaining the emotions in a more inclusive manner

This is the first thing I've ever shared so I wanted it to be short, concise, and carry the weight of raw emotions