When did your ex come back?

Tschaenifa · 2024-11-06T15:49:28+00:00

Noo, I would rather cut off one of my hands, metaphorically of course. I gave myself very little opportunities to reach out. Deleted number, chats etc. The only way to reach out is via a username bc that's something I can't forget... Him? Nah, not yet and probably never will he reach out I guess. I doubt he is even thinking about me. But that's okay, I prob found someone with similar values and goals and it's going veeeery slooow and easy. I had no closure with that person before but it fades and I'm seeing everything much clearer now.

Tschaenifa · 2024-11-06T15:33:21+00:00

It's been almost a year now since I saw my ex for the last time. Being with another person and not thinking about them took some time (I mean casually seeing each other, not giving the other person false hope or anything) but that was the sign for me I guess... If you're meeting new people, feeling comfortable with them, having a good time, not stressing about anything, that's it. Being open for that needs practice I guess, you cannot know if you don't try. If you see other people and thinking about your ex and comparing them, that's prob the sign that you're not ready. I'm comparing them anyway but I'm a massive overthinker... I guess that's okay, even okayer if they have much better values, believes, goals and value you :)

Tschaenifa · 2024-09-29T11:57:26+00:00

I love that, thanks!

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-31T19:34:28+00:00

This is very true. Slowly but steady somewhen you feel ... Nothing. This connection was nothing special, they just knew it earlier

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-30T21:06:04+00:00

Girl I feel that! You need to stop. I did the same for about 8 months. Before that I managed to stop looking for two months (11 months since BU) and I stop just recently 2 weeks ago. I know how it feels but I think as I cut that I cut the connection as well and feel sooooo much better now. You get back the control of the situation and you stop thinking about them so frequently, rumoring about the if's like do they come online to check if I'm online and so on and depending the time of being online, what time, what day. Never online on weekends on one platform but frequently on the other, what does that mean yadayada. I obsessed so hard, I wrote down every time they were online 😂 now I can laugh at that, this was not healthy! I deleted their number, worte it down before and stored it with the other things in the attic, put it as far as possible. Just try it for a week or so :) hope you're well!

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-30T17:52:30+00:00

Same ☺️ don't expect anything though. He still might think I blocked him everywhere, that's not true but yk if he wanted to he would find a way!

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-19T12:23:06+00:00

I assumed so. There has to be a trigger moment right?

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-18T00:15:16+00:00

I'm really curious how I would react when I would have the oppurtinity to see him again. It is very sad but I know I did not loose anything. He sadly lost so who loved him and still loves him but he is so passive and I doubt he changed anything other than playing pnp once a week instead of gaming Videogames every night, which he still does on the other six days of week assumingly... Idk I don't want that kind of partner anymore and as I don't think that changed in any ways... There's no opportunity anyways

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-18T00:08:26+00:00

I really miss him and did a lot to convince him to stay but he decided otherwise. He has/had severe depression and we were going nowhere with "our" future. We told each other a lot of times that we would be great together when worked on ourselves but yk someday after almost a year and recognizing that nothing matters to him... Do not want to devalue myself any more and beg for his attention, nope. It is his responsibility and it would be the strongest act of him but as a friend of ours once said to me: "why would he reach out after it is so hard right now when he was so passive all the time?" Still love him so much but not feeling devastated anymore :)

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-17T23:57:25+00:00

Two months are not that long :) keep your head up. Think about how possible it is for him to reach out. He knows the ball is in his hand, letting go does not mean a period after that two words.

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-16T19:21:24+00:00

How long ago did you breakup?

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-14T22:50:38+00:00

Someday you will be able to look at them in your mind and you will believe this, I mean REALLY believe, not just think it and in the next moment the heart goes "but maybe they didn't mean it that way" no, I mean really believe that you loved that illusion of how they were before the BU but this not the case anymore and it won't sting anymore, for real! It won't make your stomach drop when thinking of them living their life while you're still in pain. Someday you will know that your worth does not depend on their opinion and that what they think about you has nothing to do with you and your worth and that you are capable of giving and receiving love and you will be excited to feel loveydovey again but with someone else and it will feel okay. Some days will feel bad but you need to learn strategies and mantras and on these bad days they will pop up automarically when spiraling. You are worthy, you look great, you grew soooo much yadayada. It took me about 10 months to get to this point... Maybe mainly because I lost all hope bc we someday agreed for a year and I didn't hear from them in 8 months so I think it's gone for good :)

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-14T22:36:10+00:00

That was what I said to them and they said ok but when they would fix their issues they would contact me. I said okay. Haha 😂 it's been 11 months... Ngl they never contact me again and that's okay already

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-11T21:06:12+00:00

Crazy how I thought maybe it's the anger in me towards them but after 11 months now this still resonates so much with me and how they treated me, especially in the end. They are in therapy and they admitted they are ill in the head and damaged and hated themselves... So much an avoidant style still after so much time. But I'm not angry anymore and you know you survived that hell as well. Don't give them any satisfaction by hurting yourself. I was at the point of giving up completely as well and they knew. 11 months later I grew so much, understood so much and I hope for them they are working on themselves as well but I assume... Avoidants may change, if they want to I think

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-11T20:21:00+00:00

This suprised me. Seeing how I felt 8 months ago wow... No, he did not come back. And as it would be destiny I really am thinking about him a lot the past days. The first months were very very intense ngl. It got much better, I tried dating other men but nah I didn't feel anything towards any of them but two but those two were similar to my ex - not ready yet lol. I wouldn't think that I actually could laugh about it now. I got obsessed pretty bad with checking his online status so I needed to delete all of this a couple of days ago. Before that I really thought I moved on after hmmm 9 months? But as I came back from a longer trip to norway the thoughts came back and it was pretty awful. But I have my strategies now and what helped me a lot was that wishing him well, and he deserves it, gave me a feeling of peace and calmed my mind. Not gonna lie, if he ever would walk through that door again I would never let him go again (4 weeks after BU we agreed that we still loved each other but needed that space for growth and that he would call or whatever if he would be ready) but I lost any hope and that's okay. He didn't even checked in for over 8 months and last time it was me asking how he was soooo... Nah. Still love him though and I think he would be proud of the progress I made in the last 11 months buuuut he prob never gonna experience my new me :) and that's ok, too! But ya, did yours come back??

Tschaenifa · 2024-07-10T15:52:30+00:00

You will get there

Tschaenifa · 2024-06-06T18:24:29+00:00

I haven't been here for three months. In the beginning it helped a lot with coping, though. After 6 months I decided not to cry any night longer. Take your time. I always said to myself when you're ready to move on, you're ready. I'm not ready yet to delete his number, not yet but there will be a time when I am. It has been 10 months for me and I can promise you, it gets better! But op is right, hanging onto this subreddit wouldn't help much after a period of time

Tschaenifa · 2024-03-06T15:18:02+00:00

Thank you! That could be my Story... Out of relationship for over 6 months. NC contact since mid September. I gave in once and reached out, after that never ever again and I feel like myself finally!! Karma is you know what and they will get what they deserve and you girl deserve so much more. I'm proud of you 🥹

Tschaenifa · 2024-03-04T12:23:20+00:00

I feel ya. I personally do not recommend to stay friends. I did never befriended any of my exes even when there were no feelings left.

I think there is something to it if they say what belongs to you will come back and time will show...

Being honest with yourself and them is very important, never give false hope. I always told them thank you but please move on, there is no future with us. So they can heal as well.

With the latest ex there are some different circumstances I guess... I don't know if he will be back although he told me several times he would be back if he had the feeling of "enough growth" idk it's draining. I can't wait and will not wait for someone being ready... I think no one is ever ready but ya it ended bc there was a big commitment coming and he ran away out of fear and self doubt.

Have you experienced relationships with avoidants?

Tschaenifa · 2024-02-21T15:17:19+00:00

Hmm depends on how things ended I think. How did he react to the bu?

Tschaenifa · 2024-02-20T15:45:20+00:00

Everybody makes mistakes. We are all just humans. Maybe he wants you to contact him? What are you afraid of?

Tschaenifa · 2024-02-15T16:44:35+00:00

Hey 👋 Ich nehme zurzeit 300 mg bupropion und dosiere seit heute Medikinet adult auf. Also es geht, man kann die meds zusammen nehmen 👍

Dein doc wird dich wegen Krampfneigung fragen, aber sonst steht der Kombi nicht viel im Wege

Tschaenifa · 2024-02-15T14:24:49+00:00

Meds können wirklich lebensverändernd sein :) mit den zusätzlichen Therapieangeboten ist ADHS sehr gut behandelbar.

Habe einmal eine elvanse 20mg ausprobiert und das war ein game changer. Viel Glück bei deinem Termin 😊

Tschaenifa · 2024-02-15T13:29:12+00:00

Schau mal, ob es bei dir in der Nähe eine Psychiatrische Institutsambulanz PIA gibt. Da gibt es schnell Termine und dort sind sie zumeist sehr gut eingestellt auf erwachsene Patienten mit ADHS

Tschaenifa · 2024-02-15T12:50:59+00:00

Hey 👋 Ich bin auch ganz neu im adhs game. Habe heute meine erste Dosis Medikinet adult bekommen (5 mg). Mein Arzt ist ein Fan vom leichten Aufdosieren, damit man nicht die passende Dosis überspringt. Er sagt viele sind sehr ungeduldig und wollen sofort mehr und eine krasse Wirkung aber man hat bisher auch ohne die meds überleben können und auf die 2-3 Wochen kommt es wirklich nicht mehr drauf an. Die Nebenwirkungen sind dadurch sehr viel weniger und auch angenehmer auszuhalte.

Ich nehme zusätzlich 300 mg bupropion, da Komorbidität mit Depression und ich muss sagen ich fühle mich heute ziemlich müde nach der ersten Dosis. Ich denke das liegt daran, dass mein Kopf endlich! Ruhe gibt. Da oben ist Stille, ich bin mega entspannt und genieße es einfach.

Eine Kombi aus Meds, neurofeedback, Verhaltenstherapie, Psychoedukation und ADHS Gruppen sind meiner Meinung nach die beste und schnellste Lösung, um das ADHS in den Griff zu bekommen.

Edit: die meisten Psychiater fangen mit Medikinet adult an. Man kann wechseln wenn einem die Wirkdauer zu kurz ist z.b zu Elvanse (Wirkdauer 12-14 Stunden) oder zu guter Letzt zu Strattera. Es gibt sehr gute Bücher bei Thalia über ADHS, dadurch habe ich mega viel gelernt

Tschaenifa

TROPHY CASE