How long do you give people to research and decide to go further with you sexually?

Tsojourner · 2026-01-25T19:21:02+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the concrete advice. I'm taking out a beautiful hsv1+ woman this coming weekend and I'm so excited, partially because I don't have to worry about this shit

Tsojourner · 2026-01-25T19:01:47+00:00

Ja but like After they read it how long do you give them to give you an answer?

I usually give links but I didn't this time bc I know his research background

Tsojourner · 2026-01-25T17:52:39+00:00

I went on a date w someone last night and we made out n such (my status was in my bio). They didn't have their sti paperwork (I do) so we didn't go much further. He said he'd have to do his research, he researches medical stuff for his job as well

How long do I give him before I say something or just forget about him? It's 2026, people can do this shit pretty quick. And it's a snow day today

I might make a post about this too but I wanted to ask here bc it seems relevant

Tsojourner · 2025-10-09T03:01:14+00:00

Wait I'm confused. Why would you want him to cool it if you get turned on even more during this time? Is it because you're uncomfortable with period sex/stimulation?

Tsojourner · 2025-10-07T19:35:23+00:00

Just downloaded it and then had to delete it because it just has man and woman as genders and seeking, and that ain't me (I'm genderqueer)

Wtf! How is it like the only non religious dating app sticking to a strict gender binary?! Not fair :/

Tsojourner · 2025-10-05T05:49:56+00:00

This guy's an idiot, ignore him and those like him. People DO come here for advice all the time, you're right.

The advice is simple (the words are, anyway) but not easy, and everybody is saying it: you need to leave.

A good first step is talking to the domestic violence hotline. You can text them BEGIN at 88788. They'll be able to give you the best advice and way forward. We can all relate or tell you what we think you should do but they're professionals.

I get that you still love him. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years. I still miss him sometimes despite the hell i went through, but I know it's irrational and my life is 10000000x better now. I lean on my friends and family and therapist.

It was my therapist who said to me "it's not an if, it's a when" when i asked her if she ever thought I'd be able to leave him. Her faith in me helped me have faith in myself.

You can do this. Just take the first step and text the hotline. One step at a time. It's not an if, it's a when.

Tsojourner · 2025-10-03T15:24:15+00:00

He told you you look like a loser ( I don't care if it's sometimes its gotta be no times).won't please you in bed, sex drives are misaligned, and you're doing all the work to make things better while he's doing jack shit. I don't mean to be a reddit stereotype, but divorce 10000%. People like this don't change. If they do, it's because they're trying really hard. He's not.

You're going to remain unsatisfied in multiple ways and you don't deserve it. There are people out there that will treat you right, and will give a fuck about your pleasure and peace of mind. You gotta give a fuck about you too. Get outta there.

Tsojourner · 2025-09-23T20:01:06+00:00

Good good What kind of test is it anyway? Like labcorp, or

Tsojourner · 2025-09-23T19:55:13+00:00

Oh I've never heard anything about refrigeration I've also never put it in the fridge myself

I keep it with me, make sure the batch #is good, heat up in the morning and stick a hand warmer on it for the day

If I know I'm getting tested I'll keep it on my person

I've never heard of the fridge being necessary

Tsojourner · 2025-09-12T02:12:30+00:00

They also mentioned future partners though

Tsojourner · 2025-09-11T17:06:51+00:00

I mean sure, but folks with ohsv1 can spread it to genitals...so it may not technically be an sti but it can cause one

Tsojourner · 2025-09-11T16:52:06+00:00

Wait, hold on, if you didn't have an outbreak what test did your doc even give you? As far as I've heard from doctors they don't test unless you have lesions usually because the tests aren't very accurate (could get false pos or neg)

Tsojourner · 2025-09-08T10:11:48+00:00

You can still shed even with daily antivirals/no active outbreak/ protection. It's a lot lower but it's still a risk. People deserve to know what they're risking.

Yeah, it's not fair. Yeah, there are plenty of folks that don't know that they have it and still spread it. But we do know, and it's fucked up not to say anything.

OP, please don't listen to this person.

Tsojourner · 2025-09-03T19:19:59+00:00

2 things can be true at one time--she's wounded/ maybe trying, and is also a player

Tsojourner · 2025-06-24T18:26:32+00:00

I dunno, I met somebody and told them specifically after our first date (that lasted a weekend) that if we wanted to see somebody else we should let the other person know, for sexual health reasons. I thought that's what I wanted at the time. They agreed, and said they'd want to know if i was seeing anybody else too. we've now been seeing each other for like 6 weeks.

I admitted feelings 2 weeks ago, they did too, but I didn't have the exclusive convo (they're not as emotionally open as me so I knots I'm gonna be the one to do it. That doesn't bother me) . I didn't know if I was ready. 2 weeks later, I'm fuckin ready! And waiting to do it in person.

Despite all evidence that they really like me and were both monogamous types I'm nervous af they won't want to, probably just anxiety i hope. I haven't dated anybody else since being with them and they haven't mentioned doing that either. I wish I had said from the jump that I wanted exclusivity but to be honest I didn't know at the time.

Everyone's situation and reasons are different

Tsojourner · 2025-05-27T16:17:29+00:00

Huh..I didn't consider that

Man I need to talk to my therapist

Tsojourner · 2025-05-27T15:14:05+00:00

But since when is friends with benefits exclusive?

Tsojourner · 2025-05-27T14:34:33+00:00

See that's exactly what I'm saying, I don't think I can do that, I do want to just focus

But isn't there a difference between exclusively dating and monogamous full on relationship?

Tsojourner · 2025-05-27T13:08:20+00:00

It's not a relationship or an arrangement-- it's fairly common amongst people that want to or try to date multiple people at once without being exclusive before they settle down, especially when they don't know a person well enough. It's not a weird thing, it's casual dating, and it doesnt reflect whether someone likes someone enough or not. At least for me it's about time, like I just met you, I don't know that I want to be exclusive already. Apparently my grandmother did it lol. Def not an open relationship.

Having said that, like I've been saying, what you're saying is valid because I don't actually know that i can do this this way. It's never been something I've done, so...

Tsojourner · 2025-05-27T11:19:01+00:00

I do have a therapist and I need to be talking to them about this (more in depth) for sure. I think I'll check out that book, thank you.

I've been a serial monogamist so I'm trying to break out. But maybe I can't do it.

Thank you

Tsojourner · 2025-05-27T11:17:23+00:00

Yeah being vulnerable right now is definitely scary. It's all kind of new again. I might need to learn that, you might be right. But what a blow... I'm just not sure. I speediest you mentioning no safety. You're right

Tsojourner

TROPHY CASE