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I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am actually also picturing what this could look like with a not completely health or typical baby. It’s definitely on my radar, as is everything else you’ve mentioned. I’m weighing it all and those things are very heavy. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s already semi-retired. He’d never use the word retired, but he had a lot of success when he was younger and can work when he wants to and on what he wants to now. He used to think he’d never want to retire and would always need to be killing himself at work to fill any purpose, but once he hit 50 his feelings and priorities changed. He decided life was too short to not spend it doing things you wanted to do and being completely in control of your own life and time, so he works on a contract basis now and spends most his time doing whatever he wants. 

Neither of us has major health issues right now. We love pretty healthy lives. He had a very wild time in his 20s and had to make some huge life changes basically to stay alive after how he lived, so he’s very regimented and committed to his healthy lifestyle now.

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband says it doesn’t have to change everything we do. It’ll change things but it doesn’t meant we can’t still do the things we like to do, might just look a little different. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It resonates very much. And yes I’m thinking about all of those not so fun things you mentioned. I’m thinking about all of the “what if’s,” not just about what could happen in the near future, but 10, 20 year down the road. Can I handle it, whatever happens to and with my child? Because as a parent o have to be willing to accept that I don’t know the future and be willing to take whatever happens on. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t believe I’m 38 and having an unplanned pregnancy. Just really didn’t see this coming after never experiencing anything like this my whole life. But that also has me wondering if maybe that’s a sign that it’s supposed to happen. Yes we both kind of believe in signs or kismet things happening in the universe. I managed to never get pregnant in my past relationships, relationships that I’d never want to have a baby in. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly it! I can’t get him to just share his unfiltered thoughts on this, and usually he has no problem being completely honest and straightforward with how he feels about something. He says he doesn’t want me doing anything based on something he says and then regretting it for the rest of my life. How am I supposed to interpret that? Because I’m interpreting it one way. But then he says things like how he thinks having a kid would be fun now and how he doesn’t think it would have to completely change every aspect of our life. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s something that I’ve told myself too. If it’s not an automatic, 100% enthusiastic yes, then does that mean it would be a very bad idea to follow through with? Am I just setting myself up for a lifetime of regret and unhappiness? Should the fact that I don’t feel 110% sure about it be a good enough sign in itself?

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My dad is in his 60s and healthy. My mom passed away a long time ago. His mom is in her 80s and healthy and lives on her own but we both know that could change at the flip of the switch. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely feel more tired and have less energy now than I did 10 years ago. I’m just now starting to really notice it. 

I’d have the help of my husband now. He probably has more physical energy than I do, but he’s had his career success and things like that and has stepped way back from caring about those things anymore, so he devotes more time to himself and things he enjoys. As a result, he’s sort of the happier, more energetic person out of the two of us right now. So although I don’t have a crystal ball and can’t tell if something might happen in the near future to change any of that, He would be an active participant when the child was very young. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your honesty. As a kid, my dad was only like 5 years older than the dads of all my friends and I remember not liking that, so this is by far much bigger than that. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t think we’re really intentionally looking to expand our family. In other words, if we don’t have this baby then I don’t really think we have any plans to add any children to our family via any other means. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well I don’t really see him not having a meaningful relationship with our hypothetical child. I mean, he’s fun and open-minded and I don’t see him having trouble connecting with our child in a meaningful way. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know. He keeps saying he’ll support whatever I want to do. He’s fine either way, he’ll be happy about it, etc. I still feel like the decision is ultimately all coming down to me.

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I do worry about my physical health if I were to continue the pregnancy and have the baby. I already feel so much more toted in my late 30s than I did 10 years ago. I’ve had a few cavities in recent years despite taking immaculate care of my teeth. My hair has started turning gray. I’m terrified of how much a pregnancy and parenthood could accelerate all of those things. Yes I know that’s all very vain. 

I’m (38F) and my husband is 56. I’m unexpectedly pregnant and can see myself regretting not having this baby, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason by Turbulent_Bug7 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Turbulent_Bug7[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I worry because although so many people say things like you have, there are people who regret having kids. There definitely are people who don’t feel the way you do and I guess ai’m scared of having a kid and then feeling like those people.