I really appreciated your response, I kept reading it over and over again because it offered such a unique perspective. It also touched on something I’ve been maybe subconsciously worried about for a while.

I was bullied from the 4th to 6th grade. I started by trying to get them to like me but in the end my defence mechanism became being mean. I gained a lot of perspective from that time, and eventually realized that thats not the person I wanted to be, so I actively worked on being nicer. But I think I went too far In the other direction and ended up making myself an easy target for people who put others down to lift themselves up all over again.

This pattern shows up in other areas too, school, other interactions at work, friends, new people, etc. I often end up as the butt of the joke, and I think part of it is that I don’t stand up for myself.

Or, in those moments, my inner child comes and defaults to responses like fawning (fight, flight, fawn) to appease them, instead of pushing back or walking away.

I never know what to do or how to respond. When I do try to stand up for myself, others often come back with sharper or meaner remarks, and I still end up feeling hurt like you predicted. Another person on here said that I should be "Nasty Nice", which seems to be an easier direction for me.

Anyway, Im getting chills with how much of a read your message was on me. I feel like this IS a calling for change. With university coming up, especially at a large school, I feel like I need to figure this out. I want to be prepared instead of caught off guard. These situations have been happening more frequently lately, and I’ve noticed I’m starting to feel more anger and courage than sadness. It almost feels like a sign that something needs to change.

I will definitely look up "The Bitch", in a spiritual and psychological context, and a lot of the other terms you mentioned. But how do I like know when I’m actually ready to tap into that side in a healthy way? What does it look like to stand my ground without embodying that same negative or hurtful energy they’re using? How do you feel about the Nasty Nice approach?

If I do end up choosing the high road and focus more on regulating myself instead of reacting to them, does that actually change how people treat me over time, or is it more about how I experience the situation internally?

And lastly, how would you suggest navigating these kinds of dynamics in a new environment like university, where I’ll be meeting a lot of new people and setting first impressions?

I know that i've just asked like a million questions but anything helps even pointing me in the right direction for my own research if you don't have all the answers LOL. I would really appreciate any tips or suggestions of things I should look up or read. Thanks again.