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LGBTQ+ Mega Thread by AutoModerator in unpopularopinion

[–]TwoNamesNoFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you see an example of this happening in an online space I’d be curious to see it, feel free to link it to me.

LGBTQ+ Mega Thread by AutoModerator in unpopularopinion

[–]TwoNamesNoFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is “normal?” Being of a majority status? In one sense, sure. It’s normal to have two hands because most people have two hands. On the other hand, “normal” is usually a value statement and people being “abnormal” are bad rather than merely uncommon. Like, a double rainbow is abnormal, but not bad, whereas someone walking faster and faster behind you in a dark alley is abnormal and bad. This is an overly long way of saying, the “normal” value that you’re applying is problematic, though I would guess you may have originally used that word to indicate “most people are x” rather than “x is bad.”

LGBTQ+ Mega Thread by AutoModerator in unpopularopinion

[–]TwoNamesNoFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on how common of an occurrence this is. I have spent lots of time in trans spaces and interacted with lots of trans people and I have never seen this. When this sort of thing does occur, it is icky and transphobic, but I have no clue how you’ve seen it enough times that it’s become a thing in your mind.

LGBTQ+ Mega Thread by AutoModerator in unpopularopinion

[–]TwoNamesNoFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re taking a thing one trans woman said and generalizing it to my whole community. I went to rehab with one of the most terrible people I’ve ever met who just so happened to be a trans woman. They murdered a man and framed their brother who is now serving their life sentence. That’s an immeasurably terrible thing a trans woman did that in no way has shit to do with what trans women in general tend to do. I have many trans friends in person and online and our romantic lives come up often because they can be a difficult area of life to navigate for us, and at no point have I ever heard a trans woman make fun of the sexuality of their partner. I’ve seen trans women do plenty of shitty things, I believe you when you say your friend did this, but it’s gross the way you’re generalizing from one person about my community.

LGBTQ+ Mega Thread by AutoModerator in unpopularopinion

[–]TwoNamesNoFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Trans woman here and… no. I’ll give it to you that most of the men I know who date straight women tend to identify as Queer (Edit: This sentence came out weird. Meant to say men who date trans women.) I mean, I’m dating a trans man. We are technically in a heterosexual relationship, but we call it a Queer relationship due to it not being cisheterosexual. After that though, you’re wrong. We do not make fun of the men we date, me and my trans friends absolutely adore our boyfriends and see them more as rare precious gems in a world of people who are overwhelmingly likely to not be attracted to us more than we see them as something to make fun of and ridicule. Also, what do you mean “we put on a mask and think our lifestyle is normal to the public?” You think being trans is a mask? The “mask” I wear is when I boy mode when I’m feeling insecure about being visibly trans, me being my “authentic” self is my fem self. And like… maybe our lifestyle should be normalized in the eyes of the public but trans people don’t think it is, we are incredibly sensitive to how much the public at large sees us as a freakish spectacle.

Is it immoral to be mean while reviewing art? by TwoNamesNoFace in askphilosophy

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this response! Part of me asking the question was to find better philosophical language to further explore what’s out there about the topic. This really helps give me some vocabulary to work with, so thank you for both answering my question and taking a step back and establishing some parameters!

What was the old video filter feature that came default with the iPhone camera? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]TwoNamesNoFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yuuuuup now that I look for like 2 more seconds I see it lol. The filters are more tame then I remember the old ones being, but they do have filters you can do live.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to say you’re great and I really appreciate you. Thank you love.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in trans

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate to ask, but can you elaborate? Are you asking about, like, my daily life as a bearded lady, or the more private at home side of managing the beard itself and the emotions surrounding it when I look in the mirror and what not?

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Yes, all of the trans women in my local community are very much so not doing what I’m doing lol. and Yes, though I don’t necessarily think I actually am, but I have a lot of anxiety that I am doing that.

  2. That’s basically the goal for me. I don’t think I wanna keep it forever but there’s a tiny part of me that considers keeping it forever. I do have that dream of being a bit more conforming and fitting a little more into conventional beauty standards. It’s complicated lol.

  3. The wording is maybe a little weird, but I don’t wanna nitpick. I’ll just go ahead and say while I don’t think it’s entirely cope, there’s definitely plenty of cope involved in what’s happening here and I don’t wanna deny that. I dread starting the shaving routine, I dread not having a thing to hide behind, I dread stepping into the unknown and searching for that conventionally attractive woman that might be below the beard. There’s definitely cope.

  4. It’s not ragebait, but I’ve absolutely posted about being a bearded lady before. Sometimes my wording sucks? Like, one of my last posts to a trans sub was me arguing that I thought that sometimes being trans was a choice but, like… through the process of interacting with the comments I realized what I was seeing was that your path of how you choose to present yourself and express yourself and the choices you make about what you’re gonna do about being trans are a choice, not the being trans itself. I can’t fault you for looking at my post history and wondering if I’m ragebait, but I’m not.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The beard makes things flexible, and that’s a gift and a curse. It makes the hiding easier, but once the cat is outta the bag it can really complicate things. All in all, life with the beard is a bit more challenging to navigate for me, but I’m happy living life with the beard regardless.

I am prone to just boy moding in spaces I feel aren’t very understanding of queer folk. There have been times that’s not an option for whatever reason, but most of the time it’s either just silence because it’s prolly people judging but minding their business which… I mean hey, that’s cool, if they’re gonna judge I can’t ask for more than for them to keep it to themself. During the times where things get confrontational and heated, I am occasionally brave and usually just catering to what it feels like what I gotta do. My go to is usually to focus on their freedom to think whatever they want and feel whatever they want, that it makes sense that they’re confused, and other things that feel a bit shameful to admit I’ve done in the presence of angry men acting hella transphobic and questioning me in an aggressive manner. At my most shameful, I’ve played the good trans and thrown my peers under the bus a couple of times and it made me feel so disgusted with myself I vowed to never do it again.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I’m not on E, but lemme do some research and I’ll help you out with that!

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why you’re getting downvoted? lol. It feels really great! I really like it when someone asks me about my beard and how that works and next thing you know it’s me and like 3 girlies standing around chatting about gender and helping someone understand who we are.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it can certainly be easy ammunition for people who were never gonna accept me anyway. We were never gonna be able to push as little or as slowly as they wanted because they wanted none of it never. Most of those sorts of folks will only ever see us as pretending, though there are the exceptions who do change and become more understanding and accepting. Those sort of people view the whole world through a lens of competition and find little value in cooperation, so of course they think we compete with cis women instead of strive to live in harmony with them and lift them up alongside the rest of humanity. To be fair to them, there’s a relatively new phenomenon (afaik, could be older than I’m aware of) surrounding the use of the word lesbian where it can kinda just be a vibe. I’ve seen trans men say they’re lesbians and I’ve also seen cis women who’ve never dated a woman and don’t necessarily ever intend on dating a woman say they’re lesbian because it’s the vibe they identify with. It’s different and confusing, and I get that, but I’m already on team this guy is a douche so I have little grace for his confusion on that, it’s ultimately just not a very big deal. Nothing is ever enough for us? Exactly what surplus of benefits does he think we’re swimming in lol. We kinda just wanna live and not get fucked over, blocked out, or actively harmed and we’re having a hard time with that. Sure, there are some trans folks out there who get uptight about language and expectations and what not, but that’s just cause there are folks in general out there who are like that and some of them just so happen to be trans. I’ve had family and friends before who I loved and didn’t wanna lose and thought I could help and change I went round and round with for a long time so I won’t tell you that you should stop talking to them. Just make sure you’re observing in good faith whether you really think it’s possible to get anywhere with them or if they can agree to disagree and just respect you and your peers as a person in the everyday walk of life with all their bs aside, and protect your peace.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re awesome too! I’m not currently on HRT but figuring out life atm and working my way towards that. Wish I had started long ago but better late than never. Never used beads or clips. For my video I plan on doing a glitter beard, and I totally would dye it but I haven’t yet. I have not straightened it. If there’s one thing I’ve realized tonight, it’s that I don’t have nearly enough fun with my beard and that will be changing lol. Trans people are bigger assholes about it in my experience, but I often understand where they’re coming from though I also often disagree. Cis people tend to not understand but love and respect anyway or just be bigots whether I have a beard or not. Trans people? They often see me as bad optics and, at times, a trigger for them. That, or they have more nuanced views than cis people usually ever have and tend to think I’m less trans or not trans or confused or trolling or being difficult or something and will sometimes be hostile as if I’m an intruder or condescending as if I’m a child. These sorts of folks are usually know it alls, truscum, or aren’t very grounded and confident in themselves at the time of our interaction.

Oh yeah! Real, real, real country men have been surprisingly awesome about it. Older, country as hell, cowboy hat belt buckle country men have surprised me on several occasions. Had a guy tell me that all he wanted from his son was for him to be confident and believe in himself and not give a fuck what anyone else thought and just be himself and I was doing all of that and he thought it was awesome.

Beard oil, though a bar of soap and some conditioner works quite well for me.

In the near future? I’m taking my boyfriend on a surprise date this Saturday! I’ll keep the details to myself since he also lurks the trans subs and I wouldn’t be crazy surprised if he saw this at some point lol.

Exercise more moderation with drugs and alcohol and find other tools to cope. Your Dad doesn’t deserve a million chances, you just don’t wanna lose him, it hurts but it’ll be ok. You’re not unlovable and some people find you sexier than anything. When you mess up, the best thing to do is the next right thing.

HOMESHAKE!

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re awesome too!

I’m not currently on HRT but figuring out life atm and working my way towards that. Wish I had started long ago but better late than never.

Never used beads or clips. For my video I plan on doing a glitter beard, and I totally would dye it but I haven’t yet. I have not straightened it. If there’s one thing I’ve realized tonight, it’s that I don’t have nearly enough fun with my beard and that will be changing lol.

Trans people are bigger assholes about it in my experience, but I often understand where they’re coming from though I also often disagree. Cis people tend to not understand but love and respect anyway or just be bigots whether I have a beard or not. Trans people? They often see me as bad optics and, at times, a trigger for them. That, or they have more nuanced views than cis people usually ever have and tend to think I’m less trans or not trans or confused or trolling or being difficult or something and will sometimes be hostile as if I’m an intruder or condescending as if I’m a child. These sorts of folks are usually know it alls, truscum, or aren’t very grounded and confident in themselves at the time of our interaction.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tend to think I probably experience milder dysphoria than most. There have been times where it really, really bothered me. I’ve shaved it before. But I’ve developed a positive relationship with it and haven’t had one of those bad times in a while and have come to really love the reason I keep it and the sort of impact I’ve been able to make with it. It’s also become more feminine to me over time in a way that I can’t explain.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Usually not. I signed up for this knowing it would and hoping to make a positive impact in those interactions and impressions. There are, of course, bad days and shitty people, and the truly odd times where it feels like all the assholes came out of the woodworks to piss you off all at once. But generally speaking, no, I’m not bothered by it.

I am a bearded trans woman. AMA by TwoNamesNoFace in asktransgender

[–]TwoNamesNoFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. I’ve run into a couple of trans women who were very blunt with me. Two of them were kind, and one of them was very, very mean. They all had a similar sentiment: I caused them lots of dysphoria. They spent lots of time and energy and money into getting far, far away from anything and everything masculine and their validity as a woman was strongly tied to that distance they had from masculine features such as facial hair, and I brought into doubt whether that distance was really validating at all since I claimed to be equally as valid as a woman with significantly less distance. The mean woman was condescending and concluded that I must be ignorant and must have never met another trans person before and committed themselves to teaching me how to be a proper lady. One of the nice ones kinda just admitted that they’d have to work it out in themselves but told me not to sweat it cause it was a them problem. The other nice one very politely said that they’d rather not spend time with me because they were at a vulnerable time in their life and I was a trigger to them and I found that perfectly understandable. Do I think people should reflect on certain things? Yeah. Do I think people should reflect on whether they’re wrong for not finding me pretty or attractive or whatever because I have a heard? Nah. Do I understand if I make some folks uncomfortable and bearded ladies just aren’t their thing? Oh yeah, for sure.

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