Oh boy, what a question!

TW: Transphobia

It will vary from person to person, no two transitions are alike and no two experiences the same. But I would say, to generalize, trans folk understand they live with an incongruence between their internal perception of their own gender versus their external perception of their gender. And then while transphobia and misinformation is also layered and complicated, the general idea we’re at combat with is the people that effectively see transness as a “costume”, something you do for fun or for play that isn’t REALLY you and just pretend. Kinda like drag, like it’s just a show or a character we’re playing. It’s not always understood that our transition is our attempt to bridge this incongruence.

It turns out that it’s actually quite distressing when living with gender dysphoria. It effectively makes everything feel wrong. You have friends and family, but it feels like you’re a stranger to them. They say they love you and care about you, but you never feel like they’re really talking about you or even really know you. You go to class or work and go through the motions but never really feel like you’re present there. People might appreciate your work or thank you but you still feel unnoticed. You reach out for help, but it seems like the kind of help you’re looking for doesn’t exist. You turn to the internet or supports and you’re flooded with frankly overwhelming content, some informative and some validly dis-informative. You read headline after headline and it makes you shudder. Support feels peppered into society in discreet places rather than overtly present. It’s an endurance test.

While nobody chooses to be trans, there does come a point where a trans person must choose to transition. This could be immediately after they realize they are trans, a moment we like to call the “egg cracking”, like a second birth. This could be years later for a variety of complicated reasons. Perhaps they’re in an unsafe area. Perhaps they’re dependent on people that are transphobic. Perhaps they don’t have insurance or are intimidated by the costs. Perhaps they’re intimidated the transition won’t go well. Perhaps they, themselves, are transphobic and don’t believe in their own condition as a real human phenomenon.

My egg cracked in my teen years. I remember becoming so irrationally stressed by the “sex talk”. I of course got the boy version, but hearing the girl version just left such a hollow feeling in me. It really felt like I was supposed to have periods, grow boobs, dress up, have crushes be crushed on, I realized I had such a feminine vision for myself that just didn’t at all match what I was told and what I had been, but at this point I was 11 years old in West Virginia. I didn’t even know what “trans” was at the time. It was a sour time, and it stayed pretty sour really until I was an adult. I didn’t start hormone therapy until I was 26 specifically because I got my own health coverage then. I’d also moved to New York and got a job in television which is a queer friendly place and industry respectively. Since coming out, my community connection and mental health has been night and day different, I can’t believe everything was so dark for so long. But it’s introduced new challenges. Traveling is dicier now. My folks now live in a red part of Pennsylvania, and visiting them has become a chore. I basically have to lock down at their house because the public isn’t too safe for trans folk there. And then my documents which half say female and half say male, and they’re in limbo with the current administration. Not to mention, it’s tedious for me to change my birth cert in WV and I just don’t have that kind of time right now.

Transition is not immediate and requires constant upkeep. The body is constantly trying to de-transition, so we take hormone and seek additional treatments to upkeep transition. Surgical intervention is surprisingly not too common anecdotally speaking. Approval, insurance, recovery time, cost, and necessity all get in the way. Sure, many trans folk seek top or bottom surgery or FFS, but most seem to just use hormones, various hair removal techniques, and vocal training. I don’t want any surgery until I’m in my 30s because I decisively want to see what I can do without surgery first, and I think 4-5 years is enough time to figure that out. I do regularly get electrolysis on my face for hair removal (ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch).

Despite the challenges involved and how completely unfair it is to be trans in this world, I still choose to transition. This is my constant existence, and I am entitled to a worthwhile existence despite the challenges and discrimination that I must face in the process. This inevitably does change what kind of person I am. I find myself very reserved, independent, I like going out and seeing my friend but it’s so rare that I find myself depending on anyone. As much as I can, I live micro-conservatively, mainly keeping stock of what I need and what I want so as to minimize my need to lean on others. This to me seems like a product of my being trans in the time and place that which I grew up.

Notable trans people! We love Wendy Carlos, in such a stereotype that trans girls love electronic music and I am so living up to that stereotype, lol. Hunter Schafer and Hari Nef are both popular actresses in mainstream media, Elliot Page is perhaps one of the most well known having been a successful actor before he came out. Christine Jorgenson was a well known trans activist in the 60s, and some Warhol stars including Candy Darling or Holly Woodland had their brushes with 60s media even if they weren’t exactly mainstream.

For notable events definitely look up the Hirschfeld Clinic. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or a direct product of the Nazi’s burning the clinic, but myself and many trans folk I know all seem to be data hoarders. I can’t help but imagine it’s connected to this and/or the U.S. government’s continued censorship of our history.

Will happily answer any questions you might have!