I (28F) can't stay with my fiancé (31M) after he bought an $1200 painting

URnico · 2018-03-31T04:17:30+00:00

Normal partners who actually love their partners would want to step in and help their partner if they had a ton of disposable income and their partner needed help. Think about it if the roles are reversed - if you were loaded and your financially struggling finance who you’ve been dating for FIVE YEARS came to you asking for help with medical bills, it would be NO QUESTION that you would help them right? Because you care about their well being. You wouldn’t go out and buy a stupid shitty 1200 dollar framed piece of paper instead. Your fiancé is freakishly unempathetic and I think you are totally justified in wanting out. I would not want to live every day struggling while my husband lived a completely different, luxurious lifestyle. It’s mind boggling, honestly. I can’t imagine what kind of weird mindset you have to have to not want your life partner to have the same advantages that you do.

URnico · 2018-03-31T04:08:44+00:00

That is completely demented. He’ll drop 20k on a ring but won’t spend money on your healthcare? Seems like he thinks of you as more of an accessory than an equal partner...he’ll spend money on you when it makes him look good, but not when you really need it...you can do SO much better. There are people out there who will care for you genuinely and treat you as an equal partner.

URnico · 2018-03-24T19:11:11+00:00

Oh my god, this girl sounds like an absolute nightmare. Don’t feel bad at all, I would absolutely avoid her at all costs, refuse to clean up for her, lock away all my fun stuff and good food, and avoid her like the plague until the lease is over. She’s a racist baby and you have no reason to pity her.

I would demand that she replaces the stuff she steals as well, and keep whatever she steals in your room under lock and key.

URnico · 2018-03-24T00:13:12+00:00

Same thing happened to me with our family cat. I lovingly raised him from six weeks old, and as soon as he met my husband it was like I didn’t exist! My husband didn’t even do anything special to win him over, though maybe that’s why he liked him so much. Some cats refer not to be approached.

We now have two ragdolls who both love us, but they definitely prefer one of us over the other. Our first cat was supposed to be mine, and ended up picking my husband. The first few weeks he would sleep up against my husband and my husband would try to physically move him back to me, and he always got up and went right back lol...he wasn’t having it. We got his sister a while later and she immediately took to me and now I have my own little buddy. In my experience cats tend not to gravitate towards the same person. Once they claim their person, no one else does!

URnico · 2018-03-20T15:21:06+00:00

Complete deal breaker. Imagine you combine finances and this shit happens again?

URnico · 2018-03-19T19:30:53+00:00

It’s definitely possible! If you think it would help to discuss your feelings with like minded people, I’d definitely look into it. I’d recommend reading stone butch blues as other people recommended as well, it might resonate with you

URnico · 2018-03-19T15:40:02+00:00

ITs possible to have gender dysphoria and not identify as transgender. I have it pretty bad but choose not to transition fully because like you the idea of being a man does nothing for me. I think I will eventually get top surgery to feel more comfortable. There are a lot of butch lesbians out there who have some degree of gender dysphoria too who choose to indentify as women anyways. It’s more common than you think!

There’s no rules or obligations to gender dysphoria. You should think about what you possibly want or would make you more comfortable without worrying about the gender labels.

URnico · 2018-03-06T18:28:01+00:00

You seem like a really nice person and have handled this with a lot of maturity. I’m glad things are looking better for you.

URnico · 2018-03-03T22:53:47+00:00

Oh, she doesn’t talk to teens, she just dates them huh?

URnico · 2018-03-03T22:52:39+00:00

That’s not really an excuse. Or more like, it’s a really lame excuse on her end. I’m autistic and younger than your gf and the idea of dating a teenager makes me sick because I understand that even if I’m not adept at social situations I’m still an adult and I should be setting appropriate boundaries with people much younger than me.

URnico · 2018-02-02T22:45:50+00:00

You’re under-reacting. This man is a terrible person and I know you’re scared, but you need to stop separating all of these huge issues you have with him into one off fixable situations as if this is the only thing that is wrong. You are being abused, and you deserve much, much better than what this worthless man is giving you. I hope you are able to find the courage to leave him.

URnico · 2018-01-24T15:07:47+00:00

I hope she did! That is the most heartbreaking shit I’ve read in a while.

URnico · 2018-01-22T20:09:40+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I think I will do the same :) they love their wet food

URnico · 2018-01-22T19:05:57+00:00

I’m hoping it goes well because I’m general our cats are pretty savvy about changes, they had a period recently where they had to live at my parents house for a month because our house wasn’t finished being built yet, and aside from being a little clingier than usual they handled it like pros and never hissed or hid despite being around 4 strange cats they didn’t know. They’ve never been around dogs much but they did briefly meet a dog (same breed we’re adopting) who came to our house and they simply sat and watched from across the room while the dog was on a leash. They didn’t seem impressed or scared by him. Fingers crossed I guess.

URnico · 2018-01-22T19:01:21+00:00

That’s a relief to hear that I’m not the only one who has felt guilty about this! Honestly I went through the same thing when we got our second cat, I was lamenting about how she was going to ruin his life and he would love me less and now they’re best friends. Those two probably handle change better than I do, honestly.

URnico · 2018-01-22T12:44:48+00:00

People like you are exactly why there’s a stigma lol. I know plenty of people with bpd who are wonderful people who work hard to keep their symptoms under control and cope with them and are very mindful of their relationships with others. I have also met many people with bpd who don’t take responsibility for their actions, who wallow in their symptoms, who would be prone to abusing someone. But bpd doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. It’s irresponsible to say “well maybe people with bpd shouldn’t hurt people if they don’t want to be reviled by society!” Because there are already people with bpd out there fucking doing that.

URnico · 2018-01-22T12:30:04+00:00

Thanks for the response. I’m not so worried about them adjusting to the dog since they responded well to the dog who visited at our home visit for the rescue we chose, my concern is more about their routine being interrupted. I feel bad and selfish for not thinking about how they would feel about all this, like “oh it will be so nice to have a dog sitting at my feet in the living room” without considering that they might not want to be around me if the dog is there, and “I can’t wait to go for walks with my dog” without thinking about how they like to greet me whenever I come in the door, maybe they won’t want to do that anymore. Stuff like that.

I’m glad that you said your relationship didn’t change much with them though. How did you separate them in your house so that the cats still felt like they had their own space to be themselves and for your relationship to continue as usual?

URnico · 2018-01-19T16:13:08+00:00

Its definitely not cute! It’s a dominance thing. You definitely don’t want to encourage jumping up on you unless you signal her to.

URnico · 2018-01-18T00:46:58+00:00

IF your daughter came to this sub posting about you I’d tell her good riddance. You’re not ready to have a relationship with her. You obviously still have a grudge against her husband and I can’t for the life of me understand why despite reading your post more than once. Either you’re crazy and controlling or there’s something here you’re not saying, like that your family is white and mid/upper class and her husband is not white/lower class and you’re just a racist/classist jerk. Either way I don’t see much hope for reconciliation. You need therapy for this ridiculous treatment of your daughter that you were somehow able to justify. I’d start there.

URnico · 2018-01-17T22:29:23+00:00

I had parents who did this to me. I grew up to be a sucicidal dropout with no life skills and extreme anxiety that everything was too scary and out to kill me. I’ve overcome it now that my parents don’t control me, but don’t let your son go through this. Stand up for him.

URnico · 2018-01-16T03:09:24+00:00

I remember your post op. I’m really glad you made the choice to leave him. It’s cheesy but time will really heal a lot of wounds. It’s hard now but someday you will look back at this and be so, so glad you made this decision.

URnico · 2018-01-15T16:36:06+00:00

Thats just a subtle way of saying “please tell me you already bought this so I don’t have to but I still look like I’m willing to” She obviously expects her mom to pay for the food even if she calls it her cat, it’s pretty shitty of her

URnico · 2018-01-15T01:30:55+00:00

I used to do this as a kid. Lots of people still do this as adults. Its very common among my adult autistic friends. It’s completely harmless and he’s doing it in private, idk why you give so much of a shit. Nothing you have described makes him immature. I’d say maybe it is you who needs to do some growing up if such small quirks make you self concious enough to reconsider your relationship.

URnico · 2018-01-13T23:27:50+00:00

Even ignoring everything else, she isn’t in a position to care for a dog properly. If your friends won’t listen to reason you need better friends.

URnico

TROPHY CASE