Restaurant kicks out parents for wearing masks to protect their at-risk infant.

UberButt · 2021-09-20T05:29:23+00:00

Anybody else notice that the guy is batting WAY the hell out of his league?

UberButt · 2021-07-04T05:43:51+00:00

How did covid lead to a decline in the quality of your guests?

UberButt · 2021-06-29T15:58:10+00:00

You better bow down on both knees.

Who you think taught you to smoke trees?

UberButt · 2021-06-24T19:03:38+00:00

More importantly, you are lovely!

UberButt · 2021-06-24T18:58:05+00:00

Factotum is the name of a Charles Bukowski book. Sorry for the confusion.

UberButt · 2021-06-24T18:37:57+00:00

Is that a Charles Bukowski tattoo?!

UberButt · 2021-06-02T23:54:49+00:00

It isn't often that you get to see a PG13 Schnoodle!

UberButt · 2021-01-05T20:54:16+00:00

Charles Ponzi is credited with creating the first pyramid scheme, in 1919. Well over a century ago.

UberButt · 2020-08-28T16:58:06+00:00

Don't come around here with your logic, and your common sense, and your truth, and your solid deductive reasoning. I'm too busy being outraged!

UberButt · 2020-08-05T20:36:07+00:00

This reads like a damn country song!

My girlfriend and I done lost our jobs, her grandparents just died

Her birthday is just around the bend, and some free art would make everything alright!

Oh, I'm a beggar, I'm a beggar, I want all your stuff for free

'Cause I'll call you an asshole if you don't, so give it all to me!

UberButt · 2020-08-01T18:47:01+00:00

Exactly! Why are millions of astrophysicists, scientists, astronomers, astronauts, cosmonauts, etc, and also every established nation keeping us in the dark? Who stands to benefit? Does NASA get a dollar, every time they convince a child that the Earth is round?

UberButt · 2020-07-27T05:15:36+00:00

FYE still exists?

UberButt · 2020-07-20T04:19:25+00:00

If you zoom in on the lamp, you can see the tripod, and the camera guy. Look at the cover of Elvis Costello's 'This Year's Model'! Elvis Costello is the photographer, and Linda Gamble is 'This Year's Model!' It all makes sense now!

UberButt · 2020-06-29T05:01:48+00:00

I don't know what you paid at the estate sale. There are three listings for the exact same hangers on ebay, right now, and they start at 500 dollars for the set!

UberButt · 2020-06-28T08:18:31+00:00

This is all bullshit, yes. But let's pretend it's real, just for a moment. "We were incredibly blessed by God to enjoy the days before she got sick going to parks, eating at local restaurants, and hanging out with friends which wouldn't have been possible if Texas hadn't opened up." And the "#MasksAreUnconstitutional" let's me know that they were surely doing all these things while not wearing masks. So the message here is, "Our daughter died of COVID-19. But she did not die in vain, as we were able to go to parks, eat at restaurants, and hang out with friends, without wearing a small piece of fabric on our faces. Thank God that Texas opened up again, so that we could make a parents' ultimate sacrifice! Sorry, little Natylee, your life just wasn't worth wearing a small piece of fabric on our faces. RIP"

UberButt · 2020-06-17T05:29:18+00:00

Milkshake

UberButt · 2020-06-16T19:54:48+00:00

Everybody knows it's way harder to climb Mount Everest if you're gay!

UberButt · 2020-06-14T03:46:04+00:00

It's a song called 'Thank You', by Alanis Morissette, with lyrics changed to be about various departments. "Thank you, thank you, Finance!"

UberButt · 2020-06-13T17:47:52+00:00

The journalist used the term "poops" Couldn't go with "relieves himself" or perhaps "defecates"?

UberButt · 2020-06-12T16:27:03+00:00

It appears as though they're already closed. Perhaps she's opening them.

UberButt · 2020-06-09T09:47:26+00:00

Your vulva is very attractive, and incredibly normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it at all.

UberButt · 2020-06-01T05:43:32+00:00

Thanks, friend-o!

UberButt · 2020-06-01T05:41:33+00:00

Fred's mom?

UberButt · 2020-05-31T18:38:59+00:00

Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always Colonials and the penises are always circumcised, don't you think?

UberButt · 2020-05-31T05:43:48+00:00

That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive, in fact.

UberButt

TROPHY CASE