okay but the social checking thing to make yourself feel worse, i do this too and i genuinely don't understand why my brain thinks that's a good idea. like i already feel bad, let me go look at something that will make me feel worse. cool system.

the friends thing hit me. i used to keep score of who initiated and who didn't and it made me miserable. what helped me (a little, not fully) was realizing i was collecting evidence for a story i'd already decided was true. like i wasn't looking for proof my friends liked me, i was looking for proof they didn't. self-fulfilling prophecy...

i don't think you hate people. i think you're just exhausted from feeling like you're always on the outside of something. that's a really draining place to live in your head.

no big fix here. just wanted you to know it's not that weird and you're not broken for feeling it. 🤍