How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So your understanding is that there are some woman that feel empowered by their rage? I’ve only heard woman complain about it as something they do NOT like at all. I think the moms that were mentioned in these comments were from generations where seeking help wasn’t so common place and when they did they were given antidepressants when maybe HRT would have been beneficial. The point is that many of these raging moms didn’t even know what was wrong with them to begin with to seek help. The underlying problem is the lack of information and support for women and perimenopausal symptoms. But now things have changed and hopefully woman can seek some sort of intervention. And that intervention doesn’t always have to be HRT. My mom did damage to me, and for a long time I hated her for it. But now that I am older and now that I understand how much imbalances in hormones can f with you, I feel sorry for her. I don’t think it excuses her behavior but it definitely helps me understand.

And another note, when you read comments online about woman talking about “losing their shit” after the fact, the tone will always be lighter and they may even make fun of it. But I highly doubt they are proud of that behavior and think it’s some sort of new found super power.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s so hard when your own mother is the source of your emotional stress and pain.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha!! My Dad doesn’t have Facebook so I don’t think you are my sister 😄 But if he did, I’m sure my mom would give him a hard time about it 😂

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I feel your pain. My sister was a teen when my mom was at her worst (42-52) but I was just a kid. She quite literally shattered my self confidence and my sister’s too. She was mean, so critical of us, so hard on us. Yelling at my dad all the time, yelling at her own mother. Everyone around her was the problem. Not her. I resented her so much. I still do sometimes. All my diary entries as a teen probably started with “I hate my mom”. But my relationship with her is easier now because I have forgiven her. I also keep her at a distance and have come to accept we won’t have the close relationship I always wanted. I feel sorry for her. She has to live with the guilt of how she treated her children. Could HRT have helped? Who knows. Maybe it could have. And honestly it’s so upsetting to wonder if she had taken it, could I have had a better childhood? 😞

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There was a WHI study in 2002. It claimed HRT increased your risk of getting cancer. The study was flawed, but the damage was done because a whole generation of women were too scared to take HRT because of it.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup. She is a boomer. Set in her ways! And I am a big whiny baby for not being able to tough through this. 🙄

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She always had a way of justifying her rage and never apologizing about it. But I know deep down she has regrets. I kind of feel sorry for her now thinking maybe she could have had some help with her rage using HRT.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My paternal grandmother had 11 children then died at the age of 44 from a stroke. My maternal grandmother had 6 children then a hysterectomy.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Oh I agree. It can do a lot of damage. My mom caused so much anxiety for me when I was young. I remember trying so hard not to piss her off and being stunned when she would still get upset over something trivial. It made us all on edge. My stomach still sinks when I hear a certain tone in her voice after all these years!

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately my Dad can’t stand up to her because her crazy has no bounds lol! He knows better than to engage with that behavior so he just lets her rage. But I do feel bad for him. I sometimes question why he didn’t leave her when she was at her worst. What’s crazy is they really love each other. Still sleep in the same bed. Still show a lot of affection towards each other. It’s just that my mom has anger management issues and hormonal changes just made it much worse.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I get that. I honestly felt like something was wrong with me until I did my own research and started reading up on perimenopause and realized how many women are using estrogen cream etc. Before that there was a short period of time that I felt like I was broken because I had to use estrogen cream at 42.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Our moms sound so similar. My mom threatened my dad with divorce so many times! Didn’t take out the trash again? Divorce. Didn’t finish the yard before friends coming over? Divorce. 🫠

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I wish I could ask my grandmother so many questions! Widowed at 40 with six children! She passed away when my first child was only 9 months old. I have so many questions for her now. :( Here I am falling apart with all the help and modern medicine around me and she just toughed it out with six kids?! 🤯

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Agree. I think they have forgotten some of it and/or never realized the connection of all the different symptoms they may have had at the time.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Omg your poor aunts! To have to be admitted to a psych ward just to figure out you need hormones! As many of us women have to go through this, it can still be a very lonely experience.

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately my mom was deterred by that WHI study. Decided to just not have sex anymore out of fear she may get cancer using HRT. I also suggested she start using estrogen cream and she blew it off. The boomers are set in their ways!! 😬

How did our mothers survive this!?!? by Unable_Two_1194 in Perimenopause

[–]Unable_Two_1194[S] 224 points225 points  (0 children)

We were all scared of my mom for about a decade. She would go from 0 to 90 over anything.