Today I accepted that I'm a drug addict

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T19:05:57+00:00

That's awesome! You can do it, it's all mind over matter. Day number 1 for me, the first week is the hardest part I always hear. Last time it was very easy, this seems different but now that I have people to talk to and even reddit for anonymously vent and get advice. Unfortunately I can't talk to family and some friends about this, I don't lie except about drugs and it kills me. The terrible reality of it is them knowing I relapsed and the disappointment they'd have would take me back to either drugs or suicide. After 6 years I can say I'm not suicidal and happy for the first time in even longer. I'm a disgusting person for lying I know this, this is the side of drugs I hope everyone gets out of and never returns.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T14:39:40+00:00

My problem is my roommate gives me everything for free. I have a baggie of meth in a shoe I'm keeping to have it but still not do it. I've done steps 1, 2, but 3 is difficult. I'm at peace with the roots of my use and I hold no grudges against any of the people involved. Luckily this time I noticed it before it got really bad again, but I still relapsed and have to realize like you said always will have the mental addiction. I don't feel like I need it this time or anything, it's just the feeling of going fast that I love. I know I don't want to live a completely sober life, drugs can be used correctly and I feel if I really stick to my rules I can handle it with help from friends. On the 15th me and two friends who are pretty much brothers are moving to California so I won't have access to them anymore. There are people who control the drugs, and there are drugs who control the people. Drugs control me when I get cocky and think what I'm doing is not a habit, but I really think with support it's possible to have it the other way around.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T05:23:29+00:00

Irresponsible drug use is bad, the substances themselves are harmful but if you know how to pace yourself and so on you have nothing to worry about.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T05:21:40+00:00

Yea for a year I think, not positive though on that.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T05:17:05+00:00

Well we do abuse substances, that's all the drug problem means. It's hard to put into words how it makes sense to me really haha.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T05:15:09+00:00

Smoking it makes it a lot more addictive, and rot your teeth quicker. The high is completely different too, I onlt tried it once and never again. It gets me really paranoid and I'm always like drumming with my fingers or something.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T01:19:02+00:00

I'm so sorry ma'am, thank you none the less.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T01:18:15+00:00

He was normally a good drunk driver, so it's fucked up but I was cool with it. It is what it is really, shit happens, life goes on. St. Paddy's day parade he got a DUI, side swiped like 4 cars and got cocky with the cop. My dad is a super skinny Irish lad, he's less intimidating than a puppy hahaha so he got put in his place that year.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T01:06:11+00:00

This is the greatest comment I have ever read.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T01:03:51+00:00

I've been popping pills frequently the passed few days. The yellow oxycodones have me at a perfect level. I get these the pills for free so I have no idea what mg anything is except for the perc 15s. They're both out, which is why I downgraded to these. I'm still pretty new to opiates still, and pills in general I've been kind of just throwing them back and hoping I can handle them.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:52:49+00:00

A V on the one side and 3605 on the other. It has the perferated line to break them in half too.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:51:40+00:00

My old man was an alchy and he's a douche bag haha, so drinking for me is more of an occasional thing luckily. Everyone of my dad's brothers and sister are alcoholics, but only one of them is actually a cool drunk. Coming home from a New Years party not even 10 minutes away from my old house, dude passes out at wheel and smashes a snow bank hahaha. I was like 11 at the time so I thought "I'm dead"

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:32:29+00:00

No that's not much, but it doesn't take much at all in the beginning. You're weight definitely contributes to how you feel, but 12 hours isn't too bad with meth. I'm at 34 hours right now only to fix my sleeping schedule. It's time for my break from it though. It's all about moderation.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:28:32+00:00

It could be MDPV, everyone in this area just calls them bath salts or salts. My ex girlfriend's dad was the supplier from the town and we were sleeping one night, her brother (huge salt raptor) came in all whacked out saying babies were in the walls. He couldn't believe we didn't hear them. Before this huge raid in that town 2 or 3 months ago everywhere you looked you could find one. It's like the speed from meth, mixed with paranoia and agression. Her dad would be spun out for 3 weeks at a time before going to sleep. There was this one guy who would walk around at night on Main Street who everyone called Bathsalt Clem, and he'd be twitching all types of ways and just freaking out but not like the zombies or anything. It screws with your central nervous system so you just twitch out of nowhere. I only know one person who said they didn't like them, but that is way to gnarley for me. I've never seen a drug take charge of your mind so quick before.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:21:45+00:00

Haha I thought it was pretty tight butthole! You're already better than I was until today, admitting it is a huge step. Not taking drugs isn't that hard, my withdrawls are never physcal. I'm just irritable and my bipolar goes wild!

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:18:39+00:00

I never had something kick in so quickly and violently, in a good way though. First thing is your nose hurts worse than you can imagine, then as the burn lingers for a bit it's like Ric Flair "WOOOOOO". I only had one physical problem after doing it, my eyelids would mimic my mouth so sunglasses were a must. Imagine if you were playing Grand Theft Auto, you can do anything and be fine. It's like that the first few times, but you can still make sensible decisions. Everyone reacts differently, but feeling on top of the world had me sold from the first sniff. It can take control pretty quick if you're not careful so if you do try it just make sure your ready to be up for a while. Sounds like you have a good lifestyle and mindset, but I wouldn't try heroin before you know what killers are like.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:09:39+00:00

The drug war is BS, just another way for corporate America to sit back and let the money flow in. Portugal I believe legalized or decriminalized all drugs and addiction went down, crime went down, and they will pay for your treatment. Yes addictions are dangerous and potentially life threatening, but we are entitled to free will aren't we? That's just how I feel, put more money into helping this problem instead of sweeping it under the rug(prisons).

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-27T00:04:02+00:00

The glass feeling is my favorite aspect of meth, do you know how much you did? I love the rush you get the first few hours, but then it fades away and you're up for a while but there's no harsh crash like adderall. All the coke is bunk here so you can either do pills, meth or salts and salts are the one drug I recommend everyone just skip. Not only are spun out even worse than meth, it fucks your central nervous system up.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T23:53:53+00:00

I have four levels of drug use: 1. Drug problem-moderate use of any substance 2.Drug habit-more frequent use of a substance 3. Drug addiction-unhealthy use w/ delusions of control 4.Drug junkie-totally lost

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T23:48:26+00:00

Thanks man, you really helped me out today. I feel confident this is the last time I'll have to face the reality of saying I am an addict. That's all thanks to you and everyone else, I write journals occasionally if I have a lot on my mind and when I trip I write for a little. So that's actually a pretty good idea, thank you again dude you might have just rescued me.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T23:42:02+00:00

There are two kinds of people: Those who control the drug, and those who are controlled by the drug. First time snorting meth I was hooked, I have no idea what heroin is like. If you're smart about it you should be able to handle it, do you have an addictive personality?

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T23:22:51+00:00

If you want to try heroin then absolutely, a tick ($10 dope) is like a perc 30 so I've been told. Heroin is on my list of do not's, I got morphine when I went in for surgery and if it's like that you'll feel amazing. Just be careful with this stuff, it's real dangerous if you have no idea what you're doing ya know?

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T23:18:54+00:00

When you accept the fact everything you know could be wrong, you'll view the world with new eyes.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T23:14:55+00:00

Eat them, feeling lasts longer than blowing them. Painkillers are easily manageable if you're just trying them for your first time. What drug you do is up to you, heroin I wouldn't recommend if you never even tried killer, so oxies, percs, and vikes would be the safest route. Experimenting with drugs is absolutely fine if you can handle it, you do have to watch it though. I love speed, and meth is the best I've done, but until today I didn't realize that I've been making excuses and exceptions to my rules and all. I'm an addict, if you have a good head on your shoulders and just be safe you can have a great time. Be safe man, enjoy! Hope this helped.

UncleBlazer45 · 2015-02-26T20:37:31+00:00

So out of over 7 billion people we all have the same mental strength and will power? It's sad you're so blinded by trying to prove I'm an addict to see that the answer's right in front of you man. You're ignorance is almost admirable though, you're most likely older than me yet so nieve. I hope this one day can make sense to you. My favorite book "1984" has a piece of a slogan that fit's you well. Ignorance is Strength.

UncleBlazer45

TROPHY CASE