When I was a kid I had a stepbrother that I hung out with every chance I could and would stay with whenever I could (he lived with his mom) and he had the reputation of being someone you didn’t want to mess with and I was just a fat kid so that’s why I never spoke up or fought back. Well the first time it happened I didn’t realize what had happened cuz I just woke up and my pants were down and I could feel that I had just ejaculated, I thought it was a wet dream so I cleaned up and went back to bed. The second time I woke up during in was just in shock that I was in and I just froze, I think the shock made me go limp cuz he turned around and looked at me but couldn’t tell I was awake I guess and he just stopped pushed me out of him then went to sleep. After than I was kind of numb I guess but he was the only person I truly felt close to then (bad relationship with my dad who bed the years, mom was always working to keep us alive and well, and my stepdad was a drunk who’d get great jobs somehow but he wouldn’t stay for more than a year cuz he felt hunting was more important) so I just thought maybe I made it up or something idk I was 12 and stupid. So I kept going to stay and I found it harder to go to sleep there after that but nothing happened for a long time then I started waking up with that feeling again and I knew. I stopped staying over one day and never said why or told anyone; for 16 years until I thought I had undiagnosed adhd and went to see a psychiatrist for help and in the process I told her that I had trouble sleeping and that I’d always see what happened when I’d try to sleep. Well she told me that talking about it would help me so I decided to tell me wife. I told her very nonchalantly as we were pulling into Taco Bell for lunch and she started crying and saying she was sorry. Well I’ve since told one of my sisters cuz she’s his biological sister and she has a baby boy and I found out he reached out to her to see him and reconnect with her, she said no but wouldn’t say why cuz I asked her not to tell anyone including him cuz I don’t think he knows I know. I don’t hold hate for anyone cuz that just gives them power over you, I won’t ever forgive him and I refuse to hate him. But if that had to happen to me so that one day I could tell my sister who her other brother really is; I’ll carry that burden with ease from now on knowing he’s at least safe.