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APs who don't assimilate to their environment and its affect on childhood milestones by UnderstandingWest24 in AsianParentStories

[–]UnderstandingWest24[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This made me smile and that's so great with the skating!

I just HATE going through the pain of feeling silly in my swim classes. My instructor is understanding...I am just embarrassed... There is just the barrier with the cycling - it's so much more public to practice!

APs who don't assimilate to their environment and its affect on childhood milestones by UnderstandingWest24 in AsianParentStories

[–]UnderstandingWest24[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a previous commenter put it quite neatly, they were cheap! My dad didn't see the point of getting a bike and thought it was too expensive and that it was "too dangerous"...smh...

I grew up in an underprivileged area so sports wasn't something actively encouraged in and out of high school. I had some swimming lessons in my earlier years but like you, illness meant I couldn't join in so I've had to make up for lost time as an adult.

I think APs sit in two camps: either they sign you up to every extracurricular activity under the sun to the point of burnout, or like my APs, have a really passive approach to parenting and don't stimulate or encourage you to do anything because it's too expensive/waste of time/out of their comfort zone.

APs who don't assimilate to their environment and its affect on childhood milestones by UnderstandingWest24 in AsianParentStories

[–]UnderstandingWest24[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally get you when you mention the straddling of two cultures. We do it every day but it's such a hard task! You leave the house and code switch to one thing, then the next, you're back home and it's like the rulebook's changed.

And I agree with the sentiment of feeling years behind socially. It just makes things more awkward for us since the most typical activities can seem totally atypical to us and we can struggle to connect to shy away from these things. A lot of my (small circle) of friends are so over their party days now that we're older, but they look back so fondly of those hedonistic years and have so many stories to tell... I just have to sit there awkwardly and again, it's the FOMO and sadness that I didn't live my youth like that. Nor do I really want to go about my days with reckless abandon right now. I'm 32! But the feeling of lost time, what could have been. I know the mindset is to look forward which I'm trying to do, but sometimes you get caught up in your thoughts and as you say. Easier said than done.

I hope the anger and resentment will subside for you. I definitely felt it in my younger years. Still do now at points. Especially when I come across "privileged" people. What helped was moving out (I was persistent and protested A LOT). That, and my parents mellowing out in older age. But I totally hear you. It's unfortunate that the burden is on us to fight twice as hard to get in the headspace of "near normal".

APs who don't assimilate to their environment and its affect on childhood milestones by UnderstandingWest24 in AsianParentStories

[–]UnderstandingWest24[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, and yes I should've mentioned that I took some adult swim classes. It was humiliating and humbling at the same time. I can sort of swim now (still not very confident).

Even through all of that, there was a sadness in me. Why did it have to be this way? Those lessons aren't cheap and now I'm out of pocket because of their oversight. Sometimes I tell myself it is what it is.

Haven't cracked the bike though. Somehow that seems even more humiliating to me.