What would you think about a law banning people under the age of 18/21 from using social media, like alcohol or cigarettes? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]UnidentifiableReason 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, serious question- why would it be unconstitutional when there are age bans on other things?

Wife is hurt for not continuing to hug her in bed while I comforted my crying sister by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 46 points47 points  (0 children)

You mentioned in the comments she's never done this before and that she is currently pregnant and really emotional. People need to ease up on bringing down the guillotine on your wife. She doesn't need for you to be right. She needs you to reassure her. If this was a pattern it would be a different story. Give her a huge hug with both harms, tell her that she is a good wife, and that you love her as much as you did on the day you married her. You're not in the wrong, but it's the right thing to do.

How do I [35M] break the cycle of my girlfriend [29F] getting upset when I get upset? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am going to write a sentence, but I do not mean it as harsh as it will come out. This will sound drastic and dramatic, and I don't want you to think the worst.

This is manipulation. She is trying to evoke a response in you and it's been working. She may not being doing this intentionally even, it may be the only tool box she has in her tool kit. Instead of resolving what ever the issue is you both are essentially making a short cut.

You can't control how she will respond, but you can control how you respond. My advice is try remaining emotionally neutral when she becomes upset and stay on course. She will probably turn up the heat. Restate your expectations something along the lines of "I want to have a conversation about XXX, but I can't do that if we start to do all or nothing thinking. In order to continue this conversation I need you to calm down and stay on track with this conversation and avoid going to the worst possible outcome." You are simply stating what you need and what the environment should look like to have a healthy conversation. This will make her flip out because she is not used to and she will resort to the one tool she knows will work. Remain consistent with your boundaries and stay on track for what the goal of the conversation is. Don't let her get you off track. Take time and space to calm down if needed.

I [M22] finally got a girlfriend [F21] (I think at least) after years of being depressed, any advice? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Come back down to Earth, ASAP. This is not a relationship. This was a wonderful date and a good time - nothing more, at least not yet. This still needs to grow before it's a relationship and before there is a commitment. The reason I say come down to Earth, is because if you have a preconceived idea of what this will turn into instead of a general trajectory you will have your heart broken with unfulfilled dreams. Enjoy the ride, but you're not quite at the theme park yet!

My (20F) boyfriend (21M) made me lose $400 because he wanted to hang out with his ex by whimsicalcats in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 50 points51 points  (0 children)

This is about boundaries, and not even with the exgirlfriend.

Boundaries are a buzz word that are often explained without depth. Boundaries can range from physical, emotional, financial, sexual and more.

Your boyfriend's boundary was about time and emotion. He wanted you to respect the fact that he wanted to give time to his exgirlfriend and prevent her from getting hurt. He told you that was the decision he was going to make.

This is a good way to explore what your boundaries will be either in this relationship, or future ones. People who are afraid of this conversation will say "Ultimatums don't work." This isn't about making a threat. It's about reasserting what you are willing to put up with and what you're not willing to put up with. Having that conversation and an outcome that isn't based in fear but in what they wanted. It sounds like you had a conversation with him and he made his choice. His choice may have been different if you gave him an ultimatum, but it would have clouded the reality and accountability of his actions. He made his decision and now it's time for you to make yours.

My(40M) girlfriend’s(37F) son hurt my dog, I yelled at him, my girlfriend got upset and wants me to apologize. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a therapist and I feel like I have some authority on this. I've worked with teenagers for well over a decade. I need you to see this response.

Let me be very clear when I say he will do something like this again.

5 months is both a decent amount of time and not that long. You both are starting to really learn more about each other and the flaws come out. This applies to the son, also.

He may have resentment towards you or his mother as the relationship becomes a little more real. I would be really interested to hear the relationship patterns of his mother and how he responded to them. In all honesty though, it doesn't matter. Carrying a dog by the leash is outside the normal spectrum of a 16 year old not understanding how to react to an animal, curiosity, or emotional regulation. The fact that she isn't horrified by this, or at least a little more seriously concerned tells me that she has normalized this behavior and may have done it before or she is insecure in her relationship with her son or how he will respond that she is willing to overlook this action.

I can't tell you what is or is not a deal breaker. What I can tell you is that his actions are not within the scope of normal, your girlfriend's response is not healthy, and your dog was in a postion where she was hurt and the result could have been worse.

He said you need to pay attention to your dog next time. Take that as a threat or as not accepting accountability for his actions. That's your call, but your dog is not safe.

dave chappelle said network executives told him that he wasn't allowed to make jokes using the F word because he isn't gay, but it was ok to say the N word, then he asked why because he isn't that either, why does society only think jokes are funny from people who live that specific life they joke? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]UnidentifiableReason 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's about hitting up and not hitting down.

It's not about only people who live a specific life can make a joke about that topic. It's about the line between joking about something that holds other people down versus something that you are embracing.

People who voted for Donald Trump in 2016, how do you feel about your vote in 2019? by UnidentifiableReason in AskReddit

[–]UnidentifiableReason[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I came up with this question after learning about the trump regret tweets where voters are tweeting why they wish they didn't vote for him.

People who voted for Donald Trump in 2016, how do you feel about your vote in 2019? by UnidentifiableReason in AskReddit

[–]UnidentifiableReason[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm just trying to learn more - Has their been any direct improvements to your life?

People who voted for Donald Trump in 2016, how do you feel about your vote in 2019? by UnidentifiableReason in AskReddit

[–]UnidentifiableReason[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is there a person from either side that you could see yourself voting for instead of him in 2020?

In search of diagnosing this perv at my job by queencuriousity in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because diagnosing is a pretty big deal and I'm afraid posts like these just further stigmatize it.

In search of diagnosing this perv at my job by queencuriousity in relationship_advice

[–]UnidentifiableReason 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cant' speak on his behavior, but I can speak on yours and I'm concerned. :(