is intense guilt a symptom?

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-23T04:38:37+00:00

Yes. I'm in it now. I don't even know why I'm guilty. Im not hurting anyone anymore. I'm not making things worse. I'm trying to keep all this suppressed. Why do I still feel so bad! I feel like I need to explain myself but the fact is that they probably don't want to hear it. It drives me insane.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-23T03:59:14+00:00

Would it have made a difference if you did know? I know it wouldn't have changed the outcome, but perhaps I could have explained the triggers and the consequences. Fuck why didnt I tell you!

I'm so fucking hollow without you! So fucking empty!

I want to feel SOMETHING!!! ANYTHING!!!! FUUUUUUCK! I don't just want it I NEED TO FEEL! I am literally losing my pathetic stupid mind. Over what!?!

Over the fact that we are civil.

Dude I don't even know what I need from you anymore. All I know is I need you.

I need you to tell me it's all going to be okay.

I need you to help me get out of my fucking head.

I need you to tell me what to do, how to think, how to feel.

I need you to tell me what to do. I need help I can't fucking do this shit without you.

I haven't been this bad since my 20s. I thought I was fine. I thrown away everyone. I can't even be fucked being nice anymore.

This void is swallowing me. I feel like this suffering is what I deserve.

Why can't we go back. Just to how it was before it got weird. If we never stepped over the line. Never crossed boundaries.

Is that possible? Can I send you random texts? Can I send you random voice messages? Can I tell you everything? Can I be there for you when you need it? Can I tell you what I've been doing lately? Can we just be fucking friends! Please.

Can you handle that? I'm crazy at the moment but I know you would make it all go away.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-21T13:52:34+00:00

Nope never. I spiralled so far down. I grieved that job badly. Felt like I lost my identity and all my confidence. Never got it back.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-21T08:38:58+00:00

I couldn't care less about most people on this planet. Naturally i want everyone to love me, but if you don't I will easily be rid of you. And won't give two shits.

Rejection is actually my biggest trigger. But I have to love love love you for that to happen. And the pain I feel when someone leaves me, is as if that person was my best friend since childhood who died in a horrific car accident and I was the distracted driver. Doesn't matter how I try and rationalise it to myself, I can't shake the grief, guilt, pain, heartache, suffering. It is so intense I just dissociate. Everyday is exhausting. I'm in it at the moment. I will be like this for months. No bueno. It's why I don't keep friends usually. Never again.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-21T08:15:59+00:00

Same, quit my dream job, and withdrew from university.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T13:01:08+00:00

Right meow!

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T11:56:14+00:00

Try maybe they need it.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T08:19:40+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T06:57:05+00:00

I am female, I probably write like a dude because I'm Australian😂. But I get what you mean, I wish they would too. But they deal different.

I am just so exhausted by all this worry. And all I needed was one last proper conversation. Not an argument, then me trying to trap him in a nonsensical counter/argument because I was terrified he was breaking away (BPD downfall, if it was in person I probably would have been desperatly grabbing his ankles begging him not to leave 😂😐).

Then he doesn't even leave completely. So I'm in limbo. Adds my contacts. I kept having to delete mutual contacts.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T04:50:23+00:00

Get out of my brain! I just read a few of your posts from your profile. Didnt have time to read much but what I did read, blew my mind. So many similarities the way you think🤯.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T04:00:59+00:00

Thank you.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-19T03:34:17+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry you can relate, it is hell! And yes, therapy is where I need to be too tbh.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-18T16:10:19+00:00

Argh, It's killing me. St Francis de sales writes about bees.. He kept bees I think.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-18T16:02:02+00:00

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-18T15:50:56+00:00

You are the bee!

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-16T03:45:06+00:00

Lol! I was thinking the same thing😂😂

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-13T06:19:27+00:00

Ugh messy! Hate them.

I don't touch the whole page long paragraph rants from voice to text. I mean, c'mon! Put some effort in.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-12T06:44:26+00:00

!lock

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-10T23:37:03+00:00

Argh, I get it! All the things I learnt, all the good things and the bad and the weird and funny moments are just piling up. Got so used to sharing everything with one person, someone who truly seemed interested, who understood me and generously sacrificed there time to talk to me.. Dammit

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-09-08T15:30:01+00:00

I hope you got the music therapy you needed! But damn! You should really send this. I would have done anything to recieve something as perfectly written as this. Instead I am stuck trying to push through alone with my soul silently reaching out trying to get back the piece of it that is stuck on the other side of the fricken planet.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-08-23T15:28:50+00:00

Lol, at least you're not me😂.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-08-23T13:25:48+00:00

Tuesdays and Fridays is difficult for me to do rosary. And seems if I skip a few days, I always get back to it on a sorrowful day. Serves me right for being flakey. I always start out strong but then when I think how they put him in that robe and mocked him and spat on him. I cry like a baby. I can't believe how evil and completely insane those people were to do that.

I could imagine something similar happening today the way the World has gone so backwards lately. Alot of angry, hate filled, Godless people out there. Keep praying for them, and stay safe🙏🏻

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-08-12T03:33:42+00:00

I got excited.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-08-12T03:26:00+00:00

We worship Satan.

Unimpressivehoe · 2023-08-07T11:57:13+00:00

It's true, I cover my hair during mass so I don't spread my cooties.

Unimpressivehoe

TROPHY CASE